Discussion post your boy/girl problems here!!

He beat me to it, guys. He called my this morning, and we're going out for coffee tomorrow

 

^ That's actually preferable! It means he's been thinking about you too!

Best of luck

 

^It went so well, too! We're going out again on Friday.

 

Congrats! I'm so glad it's worked out it's made me all giddy inside!

And when I figure out JUST how to word exactly what my problems are with 'my boys' I'll let you guys know so you can help me too

 

Thank you. And you must, I would be glad to help!

 

New guy in my life my friend set me up with; we went on a dinner and a movie date last night that went pretty well. He likes me a lot and asked me to go out again; I said yes. My parents love him (met him briefly at the door when he picked me up), he's very, very nice and everything seems great on paper. But something about it just makes me uncomfortable and I can't tell if it's a genuine lack of attraction on my part or I'm just afraid of letting someone get close to me. I mean I know I'm afraid of letting someone get close to me, but I don't know if it's just that. I posted before that I feel like there's got to be something wrong with anyone who could like me this much, and that is how I feel. I'm dreading the moment he gets to know the real me and is disappointed. I'm the best I've been in years but I feel like I'm still too messed up to be able to make myself seem attractive. "How was your day, beautiful?" I don't know how to answer that without letting him know how boring and depressing I am.

I feel like I'm too damaged by rejection in my past to ever have a healthy relationship. My therapist is skeptical probably because of how young I am, but it's been years. Other people pair off; I stay alone. And I know it's my attitude and some vibe of "don't touch me" that ruins it.

 

I think that you should just keep goin out with this guy until your certain that he's not for you. Even if it doesn't work out you'll have had some fun times. And that's what matters. He may find that you're not the one for him either, but that's the point really. Finding someone that fits for you. If he's calling you beautiful he obviously has feelings for you. Just keep at it, until you know for sure

 

Yeah. Thanks Amy, I think that's what I'll do. I mean I think I am starting to feel more comfortable and not less talking to him especially since our date, so that's good. Just wanted to vent a little I guess; putting things into words helps clarify my thoughts.

 

I'm so confused? I was seeing this guy for a few months at the beginning of the year and we were just sex friends and that, and he called it off when I realised I actually liked him, except we kind of kept having sex, just not nearly as often... and we've had a really rocky friendship. Towards the end of the first year of uni we were hanging out loads and actually being friends (and sort of still having sex) and then so far in summer we've been talking a lot more than I thought we would. He came round on Sunday and left this morning and it's been really nice and friendly (and obviously there was some sex there too) and now he's gone to a festival and he's coming back on monday to stay with me again for a few days.
I'm so confused because he's always been like, saying he doesn't like me and stuff, and fairs maybe he doesn't, but like what is he doing to me? We're getting along really well, and he gets upset when I get with other people... I just don't know what he's expecting me to do? Like wait for him? I'm so confused...

 

He's being selfish. He wants you all to himself but he doesn't want to be confined to a relationship. Basically he wants to have the option to fuck other people, but doesn't want you to. That's what it sounds like, anyway. =/

 

Yeah, that's what I thought >.<
Thanks, Molly.

 

Okay, deep breath...

For anyone who doesn't know background: I'm leaving for college 500 miles away in nine days and I also stupidly started dating someone new about a month ago. I know. I don't even.

And I now need to break up with him but I'm seriously dreading it and I don't know when or how I could do it. I know everyone says "don't do it in a text message," but the way it's planned now is that we're seeing each other with friends this weekend and then once more just me and him before I leave. Obviously I'm not breaking up with him while we're out with friends. And the last day he said that he wants to spend all day just the two of us, take me out to a nice dinner and he's also planning to give me a gift before I leave. I wouldn't have the heart to break up with him at that point but I also think it's not fair for him to continue to spend time and money on the relationship at this point when it's not going anywhere. So I guess I was just planning to cowardly continue things now and then sometime (days? weeks?) after leaving I'd tell him it wasn't going to work long distance. But I don't want to wait until I've probably met someone new after getting to school and then do the sudden FB relationship status change "single" and then "in a relationship" with the new person all too soon when his last girlfriend cheated on him with his friend. I feel like the bad person here and I kind of am for maybe leading him on when I wasn't that into him, but I didn't know what else to do. :/ I just wanted to finally be able to even say that I have a boyfriend after 18 years, but I can't continue to fake this especially after leaving for school when I'll have little desire to keep in touch.

^^ I know it shouldn't be that big of a deal to break up with someone after only a month but he wrote me a letter almost two weeks ago saying he loves me. :/ I told him thanks for the letter but I think it's too soon for "I love you"... now I really don't see it ever progressing to that. I never felt any real connection to him and I don't think he even KNOWS me nearly well enough to say he loves me.

So yeah massive amount of guilt in having to break up with someone who "loves" me just because I don't feel the connection when he's done nothing wrong. :/ He just kept assuming we'd visit each other this fall when I was really never won over to that idea... I won't be visiting home at all for six or seven weeks and for that short three or four days I can't see wanting to see him over my parents and sister and best friends of 4+ years.

But as far as advice just when and how to break up...? I know you're not supposed to do it over text, but do you do it in the middle of a date? At the end? At the beginning? Do you announce you need to talk to the person in person? It seems agonizing, I'm pretty shy irl to start with and so is he.

 

^Maybe you can get away with doing it over the phone?

 

Yeah, I wish but we've never really talked on the phone except like briefly for directions to his house, just texting. & there's like that whole stigma that you're a terrible person if you break up over text which doesn't actually make sense to me because he asked me out over Facebook and a lot of our communications have been over text, but whatever. Trying to be a good person but it might come to a text breakup if it doesn't happen until after I leave.

I'm trying to open up a conversation about it today though just asking what his expectations are for after I leave. Wish me luck.

 

I sent my boyfriend a long and meaningful message and he responded with "that's cool" :glare:
What am I supposed to say now? I feel really stupid.
I know he's really shy and everything but really? He can't think of SOMETHING better than that?

 

^ Personally, if my boyfriend did that to me, I'd kick his ass.
There's nothing worse than opening up to someone and having them make you feel stupid.
Even if he IS shy, you're his GIRLFRIEND. Of all the people in his life, he should be able to feel comfortable with you.

I think that's definitely the way to go, Megan.

 

Yet another problem..Im not sure if its a relevant boy/girl problem but here goes.

Well, apparently my fiance's half sister is coming up to see us for the day on Monday according to his cousin, but his cousins always been a liar about certain things so we're not sure whether to believe him or not..But thats not the problem.

The problem is i dont really get on with his half sister that much..Shes bossy, always takes over everything you try and do and just generally annoys the living hell out of me. I haven't yet told my fiance im going out on Monday as i really cant stand to be around her and im taking our son with us to meet a friend.

I dont know how to get the message across to him without starting a huge row about how i hate his family and all that?, because its not true..Theres a few decent siblings among this train wreck of a half sibling.:no:

 

I like this dude at my schools but he is so creepy! Not all the time but most...And he's got a girlfriend...And he's older. But I just can't help it! Not much of a problem so much assomeone just needs to push me down some stairs or something!!!ACK!!!

 

Okay, I haven't said this out loud, even to myself, so I'm feeling weird right now.

In year 8, I met a guy and we became friends. I started to like him but I don't think he ever saw it. I was there through his other relationships, just giving advice when he asked and just generally supporting him when he asked for help with anything really. I only admitted to him that I like him once but he started dating someone else, so I buried my feelings for him. I think I still had feelings for him all through high school, but I never showed them or told him. We lost contact for a few months after high school finished and then we saw each other in public and started talking again. Now we're really good friends and I've been warring with myself about whether I actually liked him. I didn't think I did, but I dream about him quite a bit (which I realise may sound/seem creepy but I can't help it) and it's making me think I do still like him. So I went out with him and a couple of friends to a carnival type thing and I was trying to sort of drop him a hint as subtle as I could manage, but I don't think he got it :/
Now, he has a girlfriend and I don't want to ruin that relationship because I would feel really guilty and selfish. I just have no idea what to do! Do I tell him or do I just leave it alone?