Linger

Discussion in 'Completed Fan Fictions' started by Angila, May 10, 2008.

  1. I just re-read your last chapter with that song Slipped Away and I was bawling my eyes out. You're an amazing writer.
     
  2. Salvo

    Salvo New Member

    Oh my fucking god. That last update was beautiful. The way she died, being held by Frank...that was like, the ideal death.

    Amazing. <3 I cried.
     
  3. TheNickiOfDoom

    TheNickiOfDoom Time Lord

    Omg that actually made me cry!
    The first time in this whole story.
    Just when I was starting to not hate her so much...
    I wanna see what the letters say.

    Can't wait for more my love.
     
  4. Kayla?!

    Kayla?! Guest

    Wow, that was amazing.
    I'm so sad now, though.

    <3
     
  5. Angila

    Angila InkGirl. Staff Member

    Chapter 29

    Tara’s funeral was unceremonious sand small. Very few people actually made their appearance. With the exception of Frank, Nicki, Ray, Mikey, and Julia, only a few others from her work showed up. Only two people were completely unexpected. One was Dr. Gerard Way, who surprisingly knew nothing of Tara’s employment for his brother. Frank was pleasantly surprised to see him. That a doctor would care enough to actually show up to his patient’s funeral brought tears to his eyes. Tears that he had not quite been able to let go of.

    He stood stoically next to Nicki, staring at Tara’s casket as they lowered it into the ground. He lifted his gaze, and met Bob’s squarely from the directly across from him. They stared at each other for a long moment, then Bob gave him a small nod. A peace offering. Frank returned the nod before lowering his eyes back to the casket.

    “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust…” It was nearly over. Nicki wrapped her hand around his forearm and squeezed tightly. “It’s going to be okay, sweetie.” She sounded as if she needed to reassure herself more than anything. From the moment the paramedics removed Tara’s body from the apartment, he’d cut off all emotion. Nicki, on the other hand, had been nearly inconsolable when she’d shown up to the scene.

    Tara didn’t have any family, so this handful of people had been all that had bothered to mourn her farewell to this world. Frank turned away, heading back to his car. The Mustang, the car Tara had absolutely loved when they’d first met.

    “Frank, wait.” Nicki caught up with him, returning her hand to his forearm. “I need to talk to you.”

    “I’m sorry Nicki, I can’t right now. I’ve got to go.”

    “No Frank, you need to do it sometime,” She stated, gripping his arm more firmly this time.

    Ray moved up behind them, resting his hand on the small of Nicki’s back. “I’m going to go home, babe. You go with Frank, do what you need to do. Call me when you need me to come get you.”

    She nodded, swiped a tear from her eye and pecked Ray on the cheek. “Thanks, Ray.”

    He headed off in the direction of their car, but Frank called after him. “Wait, Ray. This can wait until another time. Nicki, go with him.” He pulled her hand off of his arm and stepped away.

    He should have known that she wouldn’t be deterred. “Nope.” She shook her head. “Now is the time.” Ray nodded and continued on to the car, while Nicki drug Frank to his own. “Listen,” She began. “I know you’d rather put this off, and I don’t blame you. I’m not trying to push you to do something you don’t want to, but it needs to be done. The sooner the better, so we can all begin to heal.” She was speaking, of course, about going through Tara’s apartment, her things. This was a task that Frank would rather put off until…until forever. If he never had to step into that apartment again he’d die a happy man.

    Nicki got into the passenger seat of his car and waited. Damn it, there would be no swaying her. He had no choice. Begrudgingly, he walked around the car and got in. “Nicki, I…I don’t know if I can handle this.”

    “Of course you can’t.” She patted his arm and her eyes once again filled with tears. “I can’t handle it either. But we have to be strong. We have to do this.”

    With a deep breath, he started the engine and made his way from the cemetery. Unlike his usual manner, he drove slowly. His hands were shaking so badly he could barely grip the wheel. The drive was silent, aside from the occasional sniffle from Nicki. He knew she was holding back, trying to hide her tears from him. And she was doing this, of course, because she was a beautiful friend.

    When they pulled up to the apartment, Nicki got out, but Frank remained motionless. “You coming?” She asked, knocking softly on his window.

    He looked up at her forlornly. “I just…I gave up on her, Nicki. When she needed me most, I gave up. I could have been with her during her last days, but I wasn’t.”

    She motioned impatiently for him to roll down the window. When he did, she reached in and pulled on his coat violently. “Frank! Stop it right now! You can’t feel guilty for the rest of your life. Do you think Tara would want that?” He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his forehead to the steering wheel. When he didn’t answer, she cleared her throat. “You know the answer to that. Get out of the car.”

    He willed himself to pull on the door handle, to remove himself from the car. Nicki lead him upstairs, to the home he not long ago shared with Tara. The door was still in splinters, thanks to him. They gingerly stepped inside, trying not to touch the wood. Nicki busied herself in the kitchen, but Frank found himself gravitated toward the bedroom.

    He sat down on the very edge of the bed, running his hand softly over the place that she died; the place he’d last held her. Soon, he found himself curled up on what was once his side of the bed. “I’m sorry, Tara,” He whispered, gazing at the place she should be. “I should have been next to you, I should have helped you though it.”

    “Frank.” He was startled, and flipped over quickly. Nicki stood in the doorway, holding up two envelopes. “She left us notes?” Her voice cracked, and with shaking hands she tried to give him his. He didn’t reach for it; instead he turned back to his original position. “They were in the kitchen drawer, underneath the silverware. Strange. If Tara were going to leave notes, why would she have put them there?” He shrugged, offering absolutely no response. “Take it, Frank.”

    “I don’t want it.”

    “Did you know they were there?” He didn’t respond. “You did, didn’t you?” Her voice wavered yet again, and she perched herself on the bed next to him. “Did you hide them?”

    “I couldn’t help it, Nicki. I didn’t want to read it. I should have thrown them away.”

    “That’s shitty, Frank. She probably spent hours working on these. She wanted her last words to be profound; to mean something to us. And ‘you should have thrown them away’? Don’t you care at all?”

    He shot up from the bed, snatching both envelopes from her hands. He crumpled them up and threw them into the closet. “I care more than you will ever know, Nicki. That’s why I didn’t want to read her last words. She never knew how I felt about her, at the end. I don’t want to see her confusion, to feel her pain as she popped pills that would kill her. I don’t want to know!”

    Nicki sucked in a breath, and they stared at each other for a long moment. Finally, she grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly. “You may not want to know, but you need to. If you never read it, for the rest of your life you’ll wonder what it said. That’s not healing, Frank. It’s sweeping the shit under the rug to try to forget about it.” She stood, walked over and retrieved both letters. Before he could stop her, she’d torn hers open.
     
  6. Angila

    Angila InkGirl. Staff Member

    Chapter 29 Cont'd

    In rushed words, she began reading aloud.

    “Nicki,

    I’m writing this letter to you because I want you know how much you’ve always meant to me. You’ve been the greatest of friends. Even after all that I’ve done to you, you still called Frank that day we ran into each other. You were worried, and it meant a lot. You were always so observant. You knew me better than I knew myself, it seems.
    I know I can’t undo any of the things I’ve done. All I can offer are my apologies, and I want you to know how much I sincerely mean it.
    You are a beautiful person inside and out, and I beg you to stay that way.” At this point, Nicki began crying. Her tears came fast and hard and didn’t stop. Somehow, she still managed to squeak out the rest of the letter aloud. Frank got on his knees and simply held her. She leaned into his shoulder, but continued to read. “I love you with all my heart, Nicki, and I know you loved me too. You were too good of a friend for me. I don’t want you to feel guilty in any way. You were there when I needed you. And I know if I’d called you and told you what was going on, you’d have been there. I’m dying alone and it’s no one’s fault but my own. My pride stood in the way of making that phone call to you. Put nothing on your own shoulders. The fault is my own, and it always has been.
    Please, please take care of Frank. I know he’s probably going to put undo blame on himself right now, and I want you to beat that out of him. I know I can count on you for this. Help him, guide him, do whatever it takes.
    Stop crying, Nicki. I know you’re crying right now, and not really taking what I’ve just said to heart. You are one the strongest people I’ve ever known; I’ve always admired that about you. I mean it. DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. This was my choice, and no one could have known when I kept the secret so tightly to myself.
    You meant the world to me. Never forget that.

    Love,

    Tara


    Nicki dropped the letter and put her full body into Frank’s embrace. They sat like that for a long time, holding each other and crying. When she was finally able to pull herself together, she picked up his letter and thrust it toward him. “Your turn.”
    With shaking hands, he took the letter from her. “Go on,” She prodded. “Open it.”

    It took some effort to tear it open, as his hands still shook violently and his vision was blurred. Nicki watched expectantly. When it was finally open, he unfolded it and forced himself to read.

    “Frank,

    I know you won’t understand why I did this, but let me explain. I didn’t want to spend the next two weeks in pain, or completely numb to the world. I’d rather get it over with and die with some dignity. The bag over my head is to stop myself from breathing, after I’ve taken the pills. It will, in effect, choke me, and I won’t be able to take it off. It’s simply to make sure I accomplish what I’ve set out to do. I saw this method on Nip/Tuck once. Remember? We used to watch that show together.
    I’ve said all this to Nicki in her letter, but I’ll say it to you too. Don’t feel guilty that you weren’t here. You shouldn’t have been. After everything I put you through, you should have wanted to stay far, far away from me. But you didn’t. You forced me to that first appointment, and tried to get me the help I needed. I know right now you feel awful for telling me you didn’t have any feelings for me anymore. Don’t worry, Frank. I saw through that lie. You’re much too caring to have been able to bury all the love you once had for me. I walk with death willingly, knowing how we felt about each other. It’s helped me through this.
    Another thing I want you to forget about is what happened to Rita. I know you had your reasons, and after giving it some thought I know those reasons were me. You did what you had to do. Forget about it, and move on with your life.”

    He glanced up at Nicki, whose eyebrows were raised in shock. Instead of explaining, he continued reading.

    “I want what’s best for you, Frank. Live your life, because I know you were put here to make a difference. Somehow, you’ll succeed at this. I’ve always loved you, but it’s clear now how much I’ve been holding you back. I know you love the shop, but you’re meant to do so much more. Pick up your guitar again, Frank. Get some people together. I can see it as clearly as if you were standing in front of me. You need to be on a stage.

    Try not to mourn me, please. Don’t let any opportunities slip through your fingers because of me. If you do, I’ll haunt your ass until you get your life straightened out.” At this, Frank snorted through his tears.

    “Try to remember me at my best, and not at my worst. I’m not worth remembering otherwise.

    Love always,

    Tara”

    He folded the letter carefully and pressed it to his chest. His tears were slowing, and Nicki watched him curiously. He furiously swiped at his face with his sleeve, then met her gaze. “She’s right.” He stood instantly and ran to the closet, throwing items over his shoulder.

    “What are you doing?” He didn’t answer, instead kept rummaging through the closet. Finally, he produced a black guitar case. Laying it down on the bed, he unbuckled the case and lifted the lid. An angelic choir began singing, or so it seemed, as he softly trailed his fingers across the body of the guitar. Nicki hadn’t seen it in years; his Pansy.

    He lifted her from the case and began plucking on the strings. She was dusty and out-of-tune, but he could see endless possibilities. “Nicki, call Ray. Have him meet me down at the shop. Tell him to bring his guitar.”

    This was so strange. Ray hadn’t played in years either, but Nicki knew he used to be really good. “Frank, I don’t even think he has a guitar anymore.”

    Without glancing up, he shook his head. “He has it. Just call him.”


    2 Weeks Later


    This was to be their final rehearsal in the backroom of the shop, as it had been sold to a local businessman. After paying for Tara’s funeral, he put the rest of the money into a savings account. After the show tonight, he was going to try to talk the guys into making this a full-time gig.

    They’d all readily agreed to do this, at least just this one time. Ray and Frank were playing guitar of course, and Mikey had offered to play bass. He’d drug his brother with him to that first rehearsal. Who’d have known the doctor could sing? They were lacking a drummer, but somehow Bob had gotten wind of this and wanted to be a part of it. Mikey had actually been the one to talk Frank out of barring his entry into the shop that day. “It’s for a good cause, Frank, and he’s a hell of a drummer.”

    He was still angry, no matter how much he’d tried to swallow it. Bob had taken Tara from him. But when Bob held the drumsticks, somehow Frank was able to forget all that. It seemed as if these five were meant to play together. Even to Frank it didn’t make any sense. A doctor, a lawyer, an architect, and two blue-collar guys, together in a band.

    “Okay, that’s it,” Gerard turned around with a grin. “I think we’re ready. So how much money are we going to raise tonight?”

    “More than you can comprehend,” Frank stated evenly.

    Mikey cleared his throat. “Do you think it’ll be weird that we have a band-name, even though we’re only playing this one show?”

    “We’re not just playing this one show.” Frank kept his back to them, busying himself with putting the equipment away. “We’re going to go out on the road, and we’re going to make a difference.” He waited for argument, but there was none. It was something they all knew; they could feel it. This band was just…right.

    They played their hearts out that night, an American Cancer Society fundraiser in Tara’s name. $32,542 was raised. It wasn’t exactly more money than they could comprehend, but it was a beginning. As the last notes rang through the venue Frank glanced upward, the stage lights illuminating his face. It was if somewhere, somehow, Tara was looking down on him. “Good job, Frank. I knew you could do it. This is what you were meant for. Don’t stop now.” He could almost hear her whispering it in his ear. He smiled, holding the note for as long as possible.

    “For you, baby,” He whispered aloud. “For you.”

    The End.
    ***************************************
    I want to thank you all for all your support. You are the only reason I continued writing this story, or any of them for that matter. Your comments mean more than you could know.
    xoxo
     
  7. Julia

    Julia New Member

    -is crying-
    Look at what you do!
    Stunning baby, amazing.
    Iloveyoumillions
     
  8. Angila

    Angila InkGirl. Staff Member

    ^Thank-you, sweetie! I love you too, sugarplum. :)
     
  9. TheNickiOfDoom

    TheNickiOfDoom Time Lord

    Wow. That was absolutely beautiful my love.
    That letter to me actually made me cry.

    It was a wonderful story.
    So sad that it's over.
     
  10. Angila

    Angila InkGirl. Staff Member

    ^Thank-you, Nicki. That means a lot to me.
     
  11. Kayla?!

    Kayla?! Guest

    So sad to see it end.
    It was amazing.

    <3
     
  12. Salvo

    Salvo New Member

    Fuck. *wipes tears* That was beautiful. It was an amazing ending. Although Tara died, which in a sense was an ending, that brought about My Chemical Romance, which was just the beginning.

    That was amazing. :wub:
     
  13. Angila

    Angila InkGirl. Staff Member

    Thank-you girls. Thank-you so much. :)
     
  14. Madeleine

    Madeleine impossible soul

    Shit. That line was one of the most amazing things I've ever read.
    This story was fantastic, you have immense talent.
    Now I must go dry my tears :p
     
  15. Sussak

    Sussak Guest

    God... it actually made me cry silently.
    It was a sad yet beautiful ending.

    You're hell of a writer.
     
  16. MarieArt

    MarieArt Champion of Losers

    Alright Angila, again the last bit made me tear up..*hugs you*
    I'm sad to see it ending, it was amazing =]!
     
  17. Lexi

    Lexi Active Member

    Awh, now I have to go to school with puffy eyes x]

    Amazing ending, Angie. <333

    Beautifully written.
     
  18. Katelyn McFly

    Katelyn McFly Dr. DeathDefying

    I'm crying again after your writing.
    Beautiful.
     
  19. Sazor

    Sazor New Member

    The ending was amazing..it left me speechless babe. this story was purely fantastic. your a briliant writer and u should go somewhere with it. love ya!
     
  20. Angila

    Angila InkGirl. Staff Member

    Thank-you so much! I can't say it enough. You are all so amazing.
     

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