Discussion in 'General Off Topic' started by Alesha, Jun 25, 2007.
^So much yes!!
Woah, it's been a long time. The last time I saw you, I didn't have a college degree and I didn't even graduate high school. Hell, I wasn't even in high school. I was just a 13 year old ( kid who was just confused about everything...and a whole lotta angsty. My brain wasn't even fully developed...it's still developing, but that pre frontal cortex was definitely in those nonexistent stages. I was a young girl exuding an act of confidence...but that's all it was...an act. It's so strange to go through each of your threads and finding remnants of my old self.
I wish I could say it's cringeworthy. However, each childish comment, or incorrect grammar/english faux-pas just makes me love myself even more because all those mistakes allowed me to be unapologetically me. I mean, I even spelled my own username wrong (yes, disappear has only one s, and two p's. I guess autocorrect wasn't as quick as it is now). I remember how easy it was to change those things back in the day. To see the progress I have made since I first came on this site is astounding. I recognize I still have a long way to go, but I just want to say thank you. Thank you for introducing me to another version of the real world. Thanks for giving me a community of people loved things just like me. I was just exploring music and feeling the water. I had bought and owned every MCR album before I came on here. I read Umbrella Academy. I had biographical books of MCR. I proudly proclaimed I was in the MCR Army and I marched in the Black Parade. I read all the fanfiction and slash on here, and probably knew way more about sex between two men than sex for my own good. In addition, I knew about close male intimacy before any other type. Thanks for ruining that type of innocence, but also, thanks for giving me material to quench my newfound curiosity. To put it frankly, I was simply obsessed with this band and subculture, and this site provided me with a community to release that excitement and joy.
It's sad to see the ghost of you (ha, see what I did there). It's sad to see your empty threads and vacant forum. Rereading old fanfiction that I enjoyed some odd 10 years ago is comparable to opening an old time capsule and taking out the contents of a previous life. It's sad that other young adults won't be able to experience the type of joy I felt when this forum was bursting with life. There was so many strange moments and so many strange characters. Members were not afraid to be unapologetically them. I sometimes forget who I was and the people on here I interacted with on this site, and yet, it was pivotal. This is where I was able to find a voice and type in coherent sentences. This is were I found my audience. This is were I found a temporary home...as weird and disgustingly mushy-gushy that sounds. I hated middle school and never truly fit in. Thanks for giving me an outlet to release all that build up frustration. Even if my moment here was temporary, and I was simply a ship passing in the night, it was truly special. I wrote not looking for consolation, or recognition, I wrote for me. Yes, I was needy. Yes, I did want attention. And yes, now that I reflect a bit further, some of it was cringeworthy...but still beautiful, and quite cute.
I can write an ode to the now disbanded My Chemical Romance. I can reflect on how I recently went to a Gerard Way concert just to revel in that same feeling...but in truth...the feeling and consolation I felt when I was a young child will never be the same as I do now. I recall watching teenagers scream and call for Gerard, and I, a then 21 adult, was simply thinking, "Man, you all missed MCR during their height of fame...they were so...shiny" (another nerd reference). I recalled my first (and last) MCR concert (2007/2008), and also the sad reason I didn't get to see them in 2011/2012. Now, when I listen to the music and hear that sound, it's bittersweet; I reflect on that moment in time. Nothing will be as novel as listening to MCR for the first time...or joining this online forum for the first time.
Although the music I listen to has changed (mainly indie rock, indie folk, and rap), I still can't run away from the music I spent countless hours listening to during that point in my life. It's interesting and strangely beautiful to just go back to my roots and reflect on the progress of my journey. Thank you for being my time capsule in the vast virtual knowledge web. I hope you can come back to life with the same vigor and animation that populated this place in circa 2007-2008, but even some things are beyond miracles. Even thought the party is over, at least I still got those memories and party favors.
Luciie aka xdisappearx (or my misnomer xdissapearx)
EDIT: The site automatically changes theblackparade(.net) to theburningprocess.com. How strange. I remember your old name, and having it change upon my reentrance simply reminds me how much you truly have gone and changed. It's like meeting an old friend only to find that they have legally changed their name to something else and request you call them that name. I'll call you your new name, but it's not the name that I first called you. It's sad, but it's going to be ok.
No one has posted in this since 2017, damn.. Uh, I wanted to do a reboot because I remember coming on here to complain about some people and I wanted to revisit as an “adult”? I’m 29, it’s weird saying that on here...
You passed away June 28th of this year. We lost dad in 2014, and your parents (my grandparents) 2015 and 2019. But out of all of them, you left me way too soon...
I.. I knew you were gone when the encephalopathy started but neither of us were prepared. You forgot things. You would curse and hit which wasn’t you. In the end, you forgot me. You were always there for me and I didn’t get to officially thank you for that. I never apologized for shit I did. I never apologized for my wreck last year because I remembered something... I remembered it was an attempt to end my life, and I almost succeeded. And I am so sorry for it. You almost lost a child, and no parent should go through that. You held my hand many days while I was in ICU/hospital/rehab, and even in April of this year, you held me during one of my ptsd episodes. I just hope you remembered that I love you when you left us. We weren’t at the hospital because of the COVID guidelines. They granted us special visitation when we had to decide that artificial life wasn’t the quality you needed and we felt selfish for waiting as long as we did. That wasn’t the quality you deserved... just remember that I loved you here and I will always love you.
Dear TBP Members,
Love your parents unless they’re abusive or some shit. Love them and cherish them. Love your friends and let them know how you feel. I lost my best friend to cancer. I now have lost all of my grandparents and both of my parents. Love them while they’re here...
Separate names with a comma.