I'll Be Okay If I'm With You [Frerard]

Discussion in 'Completed Fan Fictions' started by AcidicDiva, Feb 6, 2011.

  1. AcidicDiva

    AcidicDiva Member

    Rating: 18+ this might change later on in the story

    Characters: Frank Iero, Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Ray Toro, Bob Bryar

    Summary: Yeah Frank self harms and all but it does get better. Basically Gee likes Frank and Frank likes Gee but they're opposites at school. The Frerardy stuff does come at later chapters but you can't have a middle without a beginning :)

    Genre: Drama/Romance

    I don't own any of the MCR guys but I love writing fan fic so hope you enjoy. And everything that happens is down to my imagination. Sometimes the chapter titles are clips out of MCR songs aswell.

    Fanspots: 1. AdrenalinePartyHeart

    Chapter Index:
    Chapter 1- Page 1
    Chapter 2- Page 1
    Chapter 3- Page 2
    Chapter 4- Page 2
    Chapter 5- Page 2
    Chapter 6- Page 3
    Chapter 7- Page 3
    Chapter 8- Page 4
    Chapter 9- Page 4
    Chapter 10- Page 4
    Chapter 11- Page 4
    Chapter 12- Page 5
    Chapter 13- Page 6
    Chapter 14- Page 6
    Chapter 15- Page 6
    Chapter 16- Page 6
    Chapter 17- Page 7
    Chapter 18- Page 7
    Chapter 19- Page 8
    Chapter 20- Page 8
    Chapter 21- Page 9
    Chapter 22- Page 10
    Chapter 23- Page 10
    Chapter 24- Page 12
    Chapter 25- Page 13
    Chapter 26- Page 14
    Chapter 27- Page 14
    Chapter 28- Page 15
    Chapter 29- Page 16
    Chapter 30- Page 17
    Chapter 31- Page 18
    Chapter 32- Page 20
    Chapter 33- Page 22
    Chapter 34- Page 24
    Chapter 35- Page 25
    Chapter 36- Page 26
    Chapter 37- Page 28
    Chapter 38- Page 29
    Chapter 39- Page 30
    Chapter 40- Page 33
    Chapter 41- Final Chapter- Page 33
  2. AcidicDiva

    AcidicDiva Member

    Im Okay...I promise

    Seeing him sent butterflies through my stomach. I'd had a crush on this boy Gerard, for 3 years now. I wasn't going to let it get more than that. I was 18 and still at school. I graduated later this year, well next year. It was only september and after a long, summer I was able to see him again.

    We still had to wear school uniform even though we were, in sixth form. But Gerard, made it his own(this was his name Gerard). The uniform was a black blazer, a tie, a white shirt and black shoes.

    It wasn't exactly a nice uniform but I could live with it. Obviously Gerard couldn't though. It was the first day back and his blazer was cut, halfway up his arms. He wore his tie loosely and tight black skinny trousers. Along with black All Stars.

    In my mind he was an angel, but also my personal hell. I was a bi so I did like girls, but there was something about Gerard. He'd turned me to bi in the first place by being so damn sexy.

    Like last year, Gerard was in all my classes. I knew this because I had a quick look at his time table while, he was sitting next to me. I'd never said one word to him before, afraid that i'd do or say something stupid.

    It was torture being next to him, he smelt of cigarettes and sometimes had the smell of coffee, plastered over him. It was the smell, that was constantly in my head.

    Some one as perfect as him would never like me. God I didn't even think he was gay. Sometimes I had a feeling he was but that was just me. Every one loved me because of his individuality. I had that too, but everyone hated me. Calling me a emo fag and saying that I should cut my wrists and die.

    Sometimes Gerard got involved. This is what hurt, because he didn't know he was killing me, crushing my soul every time he did it. There he was sitting next to me now oblivious to this fact.

    Gerard had longer hair than me almost down to his shoulders, but he was loved by everyone. I had short hair with a fringe that covered most of my face. I was into misfits and Iron Maiden. I didn't know what Gerard liked but I guess it was probably, that crappy pop music.

    Thinking about it, I didn't know anything about him, except the obvious. Which was that he is gorgeous. Nothing was happening much this lesson, we were just sorting out books and sticking in sheets. The first week at school was always the best. I have to admit.

    "Heyy can I borrow a pen please...freak." he paused before he said freak and I didn't get why.
    "Get in there Gee." a boy with brown spiked hair said this. Why couldn't he just leave me alone, things were already hard enough. I grabbed a pen and threw it down on the desk. He smirked, I guess he was happy because what had happened. He didn't talk to me again.

    The rest of the day passed in a blur till I got home. No one was in which, wasn't unusual. I was adopted and my 'parents' were lawers so they were always busy with work. I went into my bedroom and grabbed the book under my bed. I hadn;t written in it for so long so it was time I used it again.

    I looked at the last diary entry, it was covered with drops of blood. I instinctly grabbed my wrist. It was Gerard's fault one day he pushed me too far I couldn't take it anymore. I had been self harming ever since.

    I looked at the blood and suddenly had an urge to see fresh blood. I went to the bathroom and grabbed a razor. I smashed the plastic and made sure I only had one blade. I put my iPod on and put it against my wrist.

    I made the first cut and a wash of stinging warmth came over me. I felt good, like all my emotions were running out of me. It was my way with coping with school, and what had happened in my past.

    I pressed some toilet paper against my wrist till they stopped bleeding. I'd only done three. That was better than normal. I flushed the paper down the toilet and headed back to my room to write in my diary. It wasn't going to be long but I needed to get, a few things out.

    Dear Diary, School was shit as usual. My feelings for Gee haven't changed. I wish they would though. He hates me. Today he called me a freak and he got his group shouting at me at lunch. I also had sandwiches and other food thrown at me. I hate being a loner but I suppose I'm used to it. I'll write in you soon. Frankie xoxox
    Comments and Critisism is welcom :) tell me what you think it's only short but the chapters will get longer as the story progress'. Enjoy please
  3. Katie_Killjoy

    Katie_Killjoy New Member

    Aww poor Frankie. This story is really good so far, even though it's sad! I love how detailed everything is, and I can't wait for the next update. I'm new to TBP.net and this is the first fic I've read as a member, and I can't wait for more! :)
  4. AcidicDiva

    AcidicDiva Member

    Actions speak louder than words

    Actions speak louder than words

    Gerard: First day back. I knew who I wanted to see, but I wouldn't admit it to myself. I pulled my blazer out that, I had last summer. I already had my shirt and tie on. My skinny trousers were also on, I just needed my blazer.

    I hoped it would still fit. Even if it did't I would pass it on as a new trend. Truth was I tried to get most of myself, who I was into the school uniform. At weekends I wore black skinny jeans and a band top. Usually Iron Maiden or Misfits.

    No-one knew this at school though, they though I was a trend setter I was, far from it. I had a Misfit bag in my wardrobe but I never took it to school. I had friends so I wasn't about to become a loner.

    I sighed and grabbed the Nike rucksack off the floor, and headed downstairs. I never had people meet, me to walk to school or have people around for that matter. My room was covered in drawings for comics and of people, I wan't about to let people see that.

    The cool september air greeted me as I got outside. School was only 2 minutes away so I started running I wanted to get ther, so I could see what his timetable was. I hoped like last year we would have the same timetables. If not I would change mine.

    I seated myself in the middle of the classroom, in first lesson. It was religious studies, something that made me so bored it could put me to sleep. If I was right he would come in last, and no one would sit next to me, unless I asked.

    I was right in walked Frank, perfect as usual. His fringe covering his face and his blazer being, a bit too big. He was perfect though. His trousers were tight, but not as tight as mine. He also wore converse but not hi tops, low cut ones.

    His face was a cross of sadness and being scared as he took the only empty, seat next to me. I knew why he hated me so much, I was mean to him after all. I hated doing it to him, but I had to keep up my image. A little way into the lesson I had to have an, excuse to talk to him.

    "Heyy can I borrow a pen please." I paused and thought "freak" I regretted the last words, as his eyes seemed to grow emotionless. There was nothing behind them except darkness. Frank threw the pen on the table and a pang, of guilt went through me.
    "Get in there Gee" Matt the boy behind had congragulated me. I smirked but not out of happiness but out of, regret and forgiveness.

    I made sure the rest of the lesson was in scilence. I went to the back of, my new book and tore a piece of paper out. Frank seemed to not be paying attention to me. On the paper I wrote 'I'm sorry'.

    I wanted to pass this to Frank but I couldn't. Not only was I a scardey cat, but I was thinking of my reputation. I was in deep thoughts of Frank when the bell went, I crumpled the note up and dropped it gently, so it fell to the floor.

    I made sure for the rest of the, lessons up to lunch I didn't have to sit next to Frank. I didn't know if I could. I'd made him feel so miserable in less then a hour being, at school. I was about to make things even worse though.

    "I know lets throw sandwiches and call him names, no one can protect him he's all by himself." I just smiled a brittle smile and nodded. Of course i'd go along with it no matter how much, I hated it.

    All that lunch we threw stuff at Frank and called him names. I ran to the bathrooms and let a few tears run down my cheeks. I wasn't a mean person really, I had just mixed in with the wrong people.

    When I got home I went straight to my bedroom. I rached undernesth my bed until, I came across the leather bound diary. I had started it at the begining of the summer holidays and, had written in it everyday.

    In this diary held lyrics and guitar parts to the songs i'd written. My brother Mikey played bass, but not guitar so for some, of the songs I only had bass. That was okay though I suppose. I went to my desk and plopped myself down on the chair. Grabbing a pen out of the drawer I began to write.

    Dear Diary, I'm a mean horrible person, who deserves to die. I can't believe I was that mean to Frankie. If i'm honest he's me but on a less popular scale. He's also not afraid to be himself. Seeing him with no emotion behind his eyes after, I called him freak hurt me. He's not a freak he's sweet, beautiful and in a way fragile. I wish I could do something but... i'd rather try to get, over Frankie. I have friends this way no matter how much it pains me.
    Love Gee xxx
    Tell me what you think :3
  5. Rosie2310

    Rosie2310 Member

    poor gerard, he sounds so conflicted and frank needs to stop hurting himself. i love this =D
  6. Chemical 30

    Chemical 30 Just 'That' Girl

    New reader right here!
    This sounds interesting.....can't wait for more
  7. xoxSTEFxox

    xoxSTEFxox Guest

    ooo this sounds interesting cant wait to read more :) xx
  8. I love it. Now Frerard just has to find a way to get together.
  9. Katie_Killjoy

    Katie_Killjoy New Member

    I'm still loving this story, even though it's terribly sad. Gerard needs to stop caring so much about his "reputation", and maybe get a new "reputation" as a nice person! and then Frerardness can happen...hey, a girl can dream, can't she?
  10. MyStarsShineDarkly

    MyStarsShineDarkly New Member

    Hiya, new reader. Loving it so far, please update soon. <3
  11. i really like this :} more when you can x
  12. AcidicDiva

    AcidicDiva Member

    Decisions Lead To Bigger Problems...

    Gerard: Another day. Which meant another day of, facing Frank. I wish I didn't have to be popular maybe then. i'd be friends with him. Having friends is more important though, even if their shit ones. I got ready barely remembering what I was doing.

    Mikey had already left, he always did leave before me. In a way mikey was an outsider, maybe that's why he hated me. I remember as kids we used to be so close, we were inseperable. That changed though when I became popular. In a way I missed him, he didn't care what people thought. Mikey was a nerd and wasn't afraid to show it.

    At weekends I didn't even try to bond with Mikey no more. I used to say it's all a show for school, but he doesn't even believe that. I still read comics but, I lock myself in my room(which is in the basement). No one knew what I was doing down there.

    I slammed the door behind me, my parents were on a buisniss trip. Nothing unusual there. They took pride in their work, done all the hours they could. At the moment they were in Toykyo. Lucky them in a way, they've seen nearly all the world. I've never left New Jersey.

    I walked to school, just making everything around me dissaper, and focus on my music, that was blaring through my headphones. I knew i'd have to pull them out but, I let the last line of the song be a comfort. So I could actually get through the whole day.

    First lesson was music, the only place I could get away with starting to express myself. I was useless at everything except my singing. Apparantly I was good, that was according to my grandma though. I gave a little low laugh, she was nice to everyone. Probably didn't want to hurt my feelings.

    I walked in the classroom, being the first there I was debating singing my song. It was called 'I'm Not Okay(I promise)'. It had taken me just under a year to complete and apparantly, it was good. No one was looking.

    Well if you wanted honesty thats all you had to say,
    I never want to let you down or have you go,
    It's better off this way,
    For all the dirty looks the photographs your boyfriend took,
    Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor
    I'm not o...

    Some one had walked in the room, and class didn't start for another 5 minutes. I turned around to see Frank, his beauty radiating from him. God he was so freaking gorgeous, his eyes were pretty aswell. I couldn't do this though.

    Shit I didn't know it was him singing. I was walking along the corridor, thinking i'd be the first one here. Or find someone else not Gee. I never knew he had a voice like that, and I htink they were orginal lyrics aswell.

    I probably looked like a rights freak now, not like I never looked any different to him. Gerard started at me vaccantly and I swear I saw him smile. Maybe it was just me. I think reality soon hit him though, and who I was. A crowd had started to gather outside the class. This wasn't going to end well.

    "You freak, you had to walk in on me. You knew I was in here, and I had my shirt of." Gerard came towards me and I gasped he was lieing. Why though?
    "No you fucking didn't you little dick head." Gerard lunged at me, and the next thing I knew we were fighting. I didn't struggle after about 30 seconds. I registered the fact that I liked him and didn't want to hurt him.

    I closed my eyes as the students, chanted fight over and over. Each punch Gerard landed on my face, was an extra cut i'd do later. So far he was on 15.

    "Gerard Way what are you doing." The teacher had walked in just, before Gerard landed the eighteenth punch on me. My eyes were stinging and I knew it was only a matter of time before I cried.

    The teacher pulled Gerard off, and with all my energy I got up. I couldn't help myself I walked to the teacher and as, he turned his back I landed a punch right on Gerard's nose.

    I heard his nose crack and I felt so bad after. I looked into his eyes and smirked, maybe he'd leave me alone now.
    "Frank Iero, Gerard Way Headmasters office now." I nodded knowing it was better to go, then refuse.

    I picked up all my stuff and walked out of the classroom, not caring if Gerard was following or not. My heart felt heavy, I knew I never had a chance with Gerard before, but in my fantasy world I did. Not even in that did I have a shot anymore.

    My eyes pricked and a few tears were released. I wasn't ready for a huge crying jag, i'd do that tonight. I had 17 cuts I had to catch up on. I tried not to think of the blood running out of my veins. I was tempted enough to do it at school. It's not like I didn't have my razor blade. I tookk it everywhere, wherever I went it went.

    Maybe i'd go to the headmasters and then i'd do it in the bathroom, before lesson change. I looked at the floor, I was doing the cuts for Gerard, every puch that he landed on me was a rip in my heart.

    All my thoughts had distracted me and the next thing I knew I was seated outside Mr. Ramsey's office.
    "Frank Iero and Gerard Way you can come through now." I hadn't noticed Gerard, but his nose was crooked and it was pretty bloody. I hadn't meant to hit him that hard. In a way I was prod though he, got a taste of his own medicene.

    I followed Gerard into the room which I hadn't really been in much. Maybe once or twice a year that's all.

    "So Mr. Iero and Mr. Way you got into a fight am I right?" we both nodded and stayed quiet, sometimes this was the best policy to get out of shit.
    "Well I think you both should be suspended for 2 days. So come back on thursday. Before you argue Mr. Way no I do not want to know why, I simply know that we do not tolerate fighting and you both did it. Now go." I nodded and walked out I think Gerard was hot on my heels.

    I walked out of school they had already contacted my parents damn I was in shit. Oh well it was self defense in a way. For once I wasn't listening to my music. I was enjoying the scilence before the pain tonight. Behind me I could hear footsteps, before I went inside I looked as to who had been following me. It had been Gerard. I watched him go up the street and go up the path 4 houses down from mine.

    Did he really live that close?

    "Frank Anthony Iero jr, what the fuck have you done to be excluded."
    "I broke some guys nose when I punched him. It was purely in self defense though. He landed 17 on me before he stopped." My mom nodded and added that I had a black eye so maybe it was good, that I had some time off. I nodded and went straight to the bathroom to do the dirty deed.

    Fuck that one was deep. I got the toilet paper and started to apply pressure I had finished my last one and it had been deeper than intended. The feeling though was like an electric current. As the blood trickled down my arm I felt free. Like all the bad was being released from my body along with all my emotions.

    The bleeding slowed and it was slow enough for me to stop applying pressure. I cried and waited till I had stopped. So many things were running through my head. I waked to my bedroom and sat down on my bed. I reached under and grabbed my diary.

    Dear Diary, My arm hurts, It's stinging so much. I had to do it though. They were all for Gerard. He really hurt me today and I wish I could rewind time. I'm sorry Gerard are the words I wish I had the courage to say. I won't do anymore tonight. I'm too sore and I wanna suffer this pain.
    Love Frankie xoxo
    enjoy :3 the bit where Frankie cut himself was hard to write as I didn't really wanna remember the feeling but it had to be done. Please tell me what you think :3
  13. Rosie2310

    Rosie2310 Member

    poor frank, that's pretty rough, it's even worse because of how Gerard feels about him. i wonder if Gerard will ever find out he's the reason for Frank's scars.

    i know it's tough writing about that, i've done similar things myself, but i think you did it perfectly and that you're an amazing writer x
  14. MyStarsShineDarkly

    MyStarsShineDarkly New Member

    Wow. I need to slap Gerard so much. I like the way you added in I'm Not Okay, are you planning on forming the band in this? What about Bob and Ray? Poor Frank<3 Gerard deserved it. XD Good work<3
  15. AcidicDiva

    AcidicDiva Member


    I know i've skipped a few weeks but still enjoy :3
    *1 month later, Franks birthday. Halloween.*

    Frank: I was in a bad place. I'd started to take sleeping pills in heavy amounts, and was cutting myself everynight. It was the only time, when I felt nothing for Gerard, i'd feel emotionless.

    With every cut I tore myself up more now knowing that, I would never come any closer to stopping. The only thing that might make me stop is Gerard himself.

    I knew that would never happen though. I layed there in my bed and cried, i'd almost forgotten it was my birthday. Which meant it was halloween. I smiled weakly and one though popped into my head. CANDY!!!!

    I got so much more candy, when I told them that it was my birthday. I smiled it was probably late afternoon as the sun was coming, through my window. I wondered why mom or dad hadn't woke me up though.

    I sat up and at the end of my bed was a wrapped gift. With a note on top.

    Gone out today. I'm so sorry Frankie. Something came up. Call us before you go out. Love you M+D xxx

    Great I was alone for my birthday. My eyes pricked and started to hurt. Sooner than I thought tears were rolling down my cheek. Slightly shaking I picked up the gift and ripped open the paper.

    It was a box full of guitar picks and another note.
    Look in your wardrobe enjoy.
    I smiled and got up out of bed. I stumbled though and closed my eyes, as the vertigo hit me. It was horrible and my stomach lurched. I waited a few seconds waiting for it to pass. When it finally did I walked over to my wardrobe and I opened it.

    Inside was the most beautiful guitar i'd ever seen. It was white and just all around perfect. It must've cost a fair bit these guitars didn't come cheap. A tear and smile came to my eye, they really did maybe care a bit. I grabbed the guitar. I suddenly realised It had pansy on it. Pansy's were my nans favourite flowers. I laughed and plugged my new guitar into my amp.

    I played for what seemed like hours until the doorbell went. I set my guitar down, along with the lyrics and tune I was working on. I have to admit I was proud.

    I was relieved when I saw a bowl of candy on the side. I wasn't usually at home on my birthday, but there was no point in going out tonight. I sighed at how pathetic my life was. I'd make all this feeling go away later by taking the pills and cutting.

    "Trick or..." I started to get this said at me as I opened the door. They stopped though. I looked up to see why, maybe they were goning to just trick me. Great. The person at the door, was wearing a Misfit top, black skinnies and a awesome mask.

    "Heyy dude, whoever you are they are an amazing band." I pointed at his shirt to make sure, it was clear who I was talking about. He nodded not seeming like he wanted to talk anymore. I smiled and held the candy bowl out.

    The boy took two bits of candy no way he was a Misfit, fan I was definately going to give him more.
    "No please take more, I sort of want to get rid of it and spend my birthday in peace." The boy under the mask let out a small giggle and took more candy. I could faintly see at the end of my path, was a group of people from our school.

    I tried to see if Gerard was in there somewhere, it seemed to be his possy.
    "Gee do it already, you got the candy, you've dressed up as him now do it." I looked confused. Gerard wasn't here well, I couldn't see him. Suddenly hard eggs were being pelted against my body. I fell to the floor.

    "Gerard, he's down now beat the living shit out of him go on." I now understood Gerard was the guy under the mask. I started to cry, he'd come dressed as me for halloween?

    Gerard: Frankie was crying I could see it, from the faint light from the hallway. I was horrible and I regretted already what I was about to do. I kicked him once in the stomch, not as hard as I could but still hard. I then got down and started punching his face. Tears streaming from my eyes.

    Frannkie was chewing his lip off, trying to stop screaming I think. He still looked beautiful, and I was messing up his gorgeous face. I let a through sobs come through my lips, and Frankie's eyes suddenly flew open. Even though I was still hitting him, he didn't seem scared anymore.

    I started singing under my breath what Frankie had heard when, I was in the classroom. He closed his eyes and seemed more relaxed, like he was enjoying the singing.

    I stopped punching him and I heard the noise of my group yelling, that they were proud at me. I cried and just sat there.
    "Dude we can go now just leave him." I nodded not having the power to conjure up my voice. What was he going to be like tomorrow at school? It was his birthday aswell. I got up.
    "I'm sorry Frankie." with that I walked off and left him there. Sobbing on the porch of his house.

    I was home, we'd only gone out to get Frankie nothing else. A few people hasd stayed out, but I couldn't. I had just hurt Frankie and myself so much. I sat on my bed and cried, I was a fucking dick. I loved him and I had hurt him in that way.

    Some one knocked at my door, and I wiped away the tears, whoever it was I didn't want them to see me like this.
    "Get the Frank kid?" Mikey walked in and he knew about Frank?!
    "Ummm..." I couldn't finish off the sentence before I broke down again.

    Mikey came over and hugged me. Something he hadn't done in years. This made me cry more and start to pour my heart out to Mikey, telling him that I was a dick and why did I do it. When I loved Frankie.

    He just shrugged and said it will all be okay I wish I could believe him though.
    "Thank you Mikey. Even though were not close anymore. Your the best little brother in the world."
    "Thank you Gee. I don't hate you I just think you need to change. I really do. Think back to the summer, that's the Gee I love." he pulled away and got up and with that he left my room. I grabbed my diary and started to write.

    Dear Diary, i've messed up, more than I ever though I could. I think Frankie is probably in a bad way. What if no one found him?

    A few tears dropped onto the page.

    I wish I could just forget about what happened. Or rewind time. I just wish everything was different. That maybe Frankie was popular or I wasn't, that seemed perfect to me. Me and Frankie together holding hands and kissing. I wish that would come true...it never will though. Not now anyway.
    love G x

    Frank: Shit not again. I cringed as I got up. My stomach was bruised and I was bound to have, another black eye. Maybe two. I hurt so much and Gerard had done this to me. Something bothered me though, he'd said sorry Frankie. Maybe I'd imagined it. Surely he wouldn't be sorry if anything he was now more popular.

    I went inside and shut the door. No one had bothered to help me. That's New Jersey for you I suppose. I smiled maybe Gerard really had said sorry. I went upstairs and stripped off my clothes.

    That night I didn't take tablets or cut myself in grief over what happened. I simply succumbed to a blissfull oblivion. One where me and Gerard were together and no one cared. I loved this boy.
    Right so I think this might or might not be the last fight between Gee and Frank i'm not sure yet ^_^

    Comments would be nice please :) and critisism is welcome :)

  16. Rosie2310

    Rosie2310 Member

    oh poor frank, any more of shit like that and it's really going to tip him over the edge.


    you're an amazing writer, this is one of my favourite fics, pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaasssssse more soon =P
  17. Chemical 30

    Chemical 30 Just 'That' Girl

    Gerard needs to stop being a prick!
    Great chapters though
  18. AcidicDiva

    AcidicDiva Member


    Days were turning into weeks, and each one passed in a blur. Not a day went by where Frankie wasn't in a thought. I had figured it out though, I had to be friends with him. I know he probably hated me after all that I did but, I had to have him in my life.

    Mikey and I had been talking a lot more, maybe to the fact that I wasn't such a jerk anymore. I had started to sing at home and make songs, again with Mikey. I had a new friend called Ray Toro aswell. He was cool, played guitar and had a 'fro.

    Ray knew that I liked Frank and he understood that, I had hurt him many times though. I remember the day I told Ray this, I broke down. Him and Mikey were the only ones that knew I was gay. I planned to keep it that way aswell.

    I sighed and got out of bed it was a Wednesday, half way through the week. Facing Frank everyday was getting harder, and in PE the otherday I saw cuts on his arms. I hoped it wasn't anything to do with me. Part of myself held me responsible though.

    At that moment when I saw them, I wanted to hug him ask him why, he would do something to his gorgeous self. In my head I played the scene over and over again, just wanting to know what it would be like to touch him.

    I got changed in a hurry and ran to school, I was going to be late I knew it. That would mean I'd have to sit next to Frankie. That was something I hadn't done since the incident on Halloween...his birthday I cringed. Maybe I could try to make amends. I smiled and walked casually into school.

    "Sorry i'm late miss." I apologized before I got asked why I didn't. I was right there was only one space left, next to Frankie. I was happy about this I was going to make amends weather he liked it, or not.

    I sat down and Frank almost instantly pulled his chair as far away as possible. I frowned, he wasn't making this easy for me. I sighed and settled sending a note instead.

    heyy, look Frank I know you hate me but i'm sorry.

    I passed the note to him and gave him a look, which I hoped was apologetic. He looked at me shaked his head and wrote back. I know knew this wasn't going to be easy.

    Sorry don't cut it after what you did to me on my birthday.

    He shoved the note back and I half regretted sending it. I couldn't stop now though I was about to get myself into something, something that might not end well.

    He expected a note to fix it all. A simple sorry, when I knew fucking well he probably didn't mean it.

    I felt a little harsh as I shoved the reply back, but it had to be done. Just because I loved him doesn't mean he gets away with everything.

    Look Frank what I did was wrong. I know that but please accept my apology I mean it with everything I have.

    I gave a smile and bit my lip, I hope that wasn't over the top. Oh well what's done is done.

    Okay Gerard, but we need to talk so we either talk at school or round mine after school. I know which one your prefer.

    He sighed and I knew what the answer would be. Neither probably, but I had to give him an option.

    Round yours. Talk to you then. Keep the note for just I dunno... By the way smile ok =] xx

    I smiled and he punched my leg playfully, and then froze. I mouthed the words it's okay and we both smiled and supressed a laugh.

    He was smiling, something he hadn't done in awhile and it made my heart skip beats. It set off his brown eyes amazingly. I wish he'd be happy more often, i'd probably have a heart attack though.

    I was going around his tonight, not for long though and I probably wouldn't even go in. I started humming I'm Not Okay to myself, it always made me feel better.

    I looked at Frankie and something about him was new. I looked at his hands and realized he had Halloween now written on them. It was pretty cool I have to admit.

    I hated needles, how could he get that done. Needles are just a no go, when I was in hospital a couple of years ago I made a fuss when they had to inject me. The memory made me laugh and Frank looked at me and smiled again. God they really should put a warning sign on that boy.

    The lesson ended and I walked past Frank our bodies touched briefly and I was shocked by what I felt. I think Frank felt it too, but I turned that shock into the fact that I loved him. Surely he didn't feel for me, we were arch enemies, well until tonight hopefully.

    "Heyy Gee let's get that Frank kid again. He looks all healed up." No I wasn't going to hurt him again, not now not ever. I promised myself that.

    "No Matt not today okay lets just leave him for awhile." I think Matt understood the sincerity in my voice. He nooded and started to flirt with some of the girls. It was disguasting. Next thing I knew he was making out with Jess. They wern't dating but I knew they had sex together.

    It was disgusting but then I would say that i'm gay. I started to laugh and everyone looked at me. I noticed Frank sitting under the tree on the field. Looking at me and smiling. Maybe losing these people were woth it, just to see him smile.

    I continued looking at Frank analysing his every move. At times he would bring his knees up to his chest and look afraid. Maybe I was the reason for him being scared.

    Then he did something that caught my eye he started rubbing his arm. Had he cut himself more. I'd find out tonight and with that a tear ran down my cheek.
    I would've wrote more but I have a performance to go to like now so wish me luck :3 hope you enjoy leave your opinions on what you think if you want :3 thanks x
  19. Rosie2310

    Rosie2310 Member


    that was SO cute, especially with the bit about Frank smiling.

    gerard, you're going round to his house, sort your shit out and tell him how you feel.

    i'm just worried that he'll get with Frank and then all his friends will turn on him.

    and please stop cutting Frankie, just talk about it with gerard

    loved it! <3
  20. MyStarsShineDarkly

    MyStarsShineDarkly New Member

    Aw, cute update, finally Gerard, you now better stop being a jerk XD

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