Discussion in 'Completed Fan Fictions' started by x-DemolitionLover-x, May 24, 2011.
aww! gee better be on the doorstep! <3
poop's about to go down.
I apologise in advance.
You walk home from school quietly, alongside Amber and, oddly enough, Bert. They're chatting away because, as you found out today, they know eachother quite well and had alot of catching up to do. Emily said she'd meet you all in a little while, apparently she had to grab some stuff from home first, but she'd catch a cab to Frank's afterwards.
You remember you're going to Frank's house.. You'd just refered to it as 'home'.. You suppose it is your home, at least for now.
You hadn't seen Mikey all day. You hoped he was okay. No, you're sure he's okay, he's settled in with a group of nerds now, and there's this one girl who keeps looking at him like he's the best thing since.. well, anything.
You're happy for him, being able to find someone, and you know he likes her back. This is the point where he'd usually ask you for advice, but he knows better than that, and you knew better than to try and help.
You tune in to the conversation as you feel Bert tap you on the shoulder.
"Gee-man, you okay ??" He said, giving you a bemused smile.
"Oh- Yeah I'm fine, why ??" You reply, blinking to re-focus your eyes.
"Because we've totally been insulting you for at least five minutes, and we're already here.." Bert explains, pointing left to Frank's, and your, house.
You let them in first, following and leaving the door unlocked so Emily doesn't have to knock.
You all sit on the sofa, Bert and Amber still talking. You notice how much more sociable Amber is when Ash is off sick.. You don't mention anything now, but you'll probably mention it to Emily, or Frank when he gets back..
Only one more day..
You go through everything in your head, as you had done all day. You'd greet him, on the steps "right where he left you". You won't leave the house, or that spot, until he gets back. No matter what.
You wonder how he'll take what you think is dedication.. Would he be creeped out ?? You hope not.. No.. Frank's not like that.
You wonder if he knows how you feel about him.. You know he doesn't feel the same way, but you can always dream.
You think of how amazing you feel when his arms are wrapped around you, when his shallow breaths are on your neck as you wake up in the morning, or in the middle of the night.
You never used to wake up in the night, but when you do now, you always get a feeling of relief as you see him still next to you. You don't remember having bad dreams, but it feels like it.
You wonder who Frank likes..
"Gerard, just call him." Bert says, giving you a concerned look from the chair opposite.
"I probably should.. But I dunno.. What if he's busy ??" You stammer, Bert doesn't know you like Frank to that extent, but he knows you're worried.
"Oh for the love of crap." Bert says, shoving you over and grabbing your phone, which you now see you'd been fumbling with, straight out of your hands.
#'High up above, or down below.. When you're too in love to let it go.. But if you never try, you'll never know, just what you're worth..'#
You jump as your phone goes off, you know that's Gerard calling from the section of the song playing, you panic momentarily before excusing yourself from the table and rushing to the bedroom you're staying in.
"Hello ?? Gerard ??" You answer maybe a little too excitedly as you manage to find the 'answer' button.
"Nope, he's whimpering in the corner of the couch." comes Bert's voice from the other end of the line. You smile in amusement.
"Why's he cowering, what did you do ??" You ask, sitting back on the bed, laying down so your legs are dangling over the side.
"He was scared to call you, so I did it. Have a fun conversation. Amber and I are gonna give you guys time to chat."
"I have to go anyway.." You hear Amber announce, followed by mumbles of agreement and muffled goodbyes.
"Oh, okay, say hi to everyone for me ??" You ask, wondering why Gerard is hanging out with such an odd combination of people.
"H- Hey Frankie.." Comes a mumbling from the other end of the phone.
"Gerard, you can talk normally. We've shared a bed." You remind him warily, not really sure what state he's in.
"Sorry, just tired I guess.." He breathes in deeply, "So how are you anyway..??" You smile as he tries to even out his voice. You can relate, it's amazing to hear his voice again, too.. You're just better at hiding things.
You talk for at least ten minutes, before Gerard cuts you short.
"Frankie.. I have to go, Emily's back and apparently her and Bert are gonna 'fix me up good', in her words.. Bert wants to talk though.. I'll.. I'll see you in a couple of days, yeah ??" He says, hope in his voice as if you'd miss out on seeing him for another week.
"Yeah sure, miss you Gerard." You say, trying to keep a friendly tone as your heart screams out down the phone.
"Miss you too, man.." Gerard replies, more emotion in his voice than you had in yours.
Soon you've been handed to Bert, who's rambling on about gigs his friends are going to without him.
"Dude.." You say forcefully, he eventually shuts up, "Get to the point." Bert pauses, as if checking the surrounding area.
"I think I'm falling for Gerard.." He whispers down the phone angrily.
"Oh." You reply, sitting up suddenly, phone clamped to your ear and face draining of all colour and warmth.
You feel the cold sweat of panic. If Bert likes someone, he gets them.
You watch as Bert enters the bathroom, where you're sat on the side of the tub, Emily standing over you, inspecting your hair.
Bert hands you your phone back and smiles. You smile back, wondering what Bert had to talk to Frankie about so deperately..
"Right, Gerard, shirt off." Emily says, tugging on the shoulder of your worn out Black Flag t-shirt.. No, Frankie's worn out Black Flag t-shirt.
"What, why ??" You say, panic rising in the pit of your stomach.
"Because we don't wanna get dye on it, do we, I doubt Frank'll be impressed.." She says, the motherly tone poking through again.
You begrudgingly remove the t-shirt, hugging your arms to your chest as if you had anything to hide.
You ignore Bert's laughter as you shrink in closer to yourself, almost falling off the side of the tub.
Emily shakes her head and rubs the cold liquid into your short hair. It's not spikey anymore, but it's still fairly short. You love how fast your hair grows, but it always looks stupid in the in-between stages..
You feel the tingly sensation as Emily rubs the thick off-black liquid into your roots and to the ends of your hair.
Bert leans against the bathroom door, smirking at the faces you're pulling as Emily rubs harder than anticipated, almost sending you flying.
"Gerard, stop squirming or it'll go in your eye.."
"That's what she-"
"I swear to god, Bert, if you make another 'that's what she said' joke, I'll rip your balls off." Emily clarifies. From the look of terror on Bert's face, you guess she gave him the death-glare. Now it's your turn to laugh at him.
"I'll be back in a second with a comb. Don't move, for the love of crap, Gerard."
She moves past Bert and out of the door, making note to shove him on her way past. You's still laughing at the look of terror on Bert's face.
"Dude shut up, she's scary !!" He whispers in an angry tone, you just laugh harder, almost doubling over now, and having to stop yourself falling off the tub for the third time.
"Gerard sit up, Bert's face isn't that hilarious, and it's not nice to laugh." Emily says, pushing you upright via your shoulders and ramming the comb through your hair to even out the dye.
You squeal in pain as the unanticipated comb rams through a knot in the hair at the back of your head.
"Dude, did you just squeal ??!!" Bert laughs, poking you in the chest.
"....No." You squeak, tears building up in your eyes as you screw them shut.
"Gerard. You have to leave this in for 10 minutes, okay ?? Can I trust you to do that without screwing it up ??" Emily asks. You give her a look that means 'are you f**king kidding me' and she throws her arms up in defeat, "Whatever, just don't lean back on the furniture. I'mma go downstairs and read something."
She leaves the room again, leaving you wincing in pain at the fresh wounds on your scalp, and Bert holding in obvious laughter.
It takes at least 5 minutes until you work up the strength to tell him to stop it.
"Dude, shut up, it hurts.." You say, hurt at the fact Berts still laughing at you when you're in serious pain, "f**k.. I.. It hurts so f**king much."
You grab your stomach and fall forwards on your knees and almost hitting your head on the floor. You hardly make a noise as you fall, so you doubt Emily'll come rushing up.
The pain in your stomach is in your head now, a throbbing, pain, drying out your mouth in a matter of seconds.
Lights dance over your vision, you know they're not there, but they transform the pale floor of the bathroom into dancing shapes and colours.
you can feel arms around you, you can hear Bert's voice, but you don't understand what he's saying.
You feel yourself being pulled backwards, and an arm comes round you to bring a glass of water to your mouth, you sip it, spilling alot down yourself but getting most down your throat.
You can just about hear Bert's voice from behind you.
"Dude, when was the last time you had a drink ??" He asks. You reaise now he's knelt behind you, keeping you sat upright with his right arm wrapped around you.
"I can't remember.." You answer honestly. He sighs and gets you onto your feet, the pain is going down now, but the throbbing aftershock is still in place.
Bert moves around to face you, his eyes focusing and refocusing on different areas of your face before his eyebrown furrow.
"Emily, come up here." Bert yells out of the door, all you can do is hold onto his shoulders and lower your head as you sway slightly on the spot.
"What's up- Gerard's what happened ??!!" Emily says, rushing over to you, you try and move your hand up to stop her touching you, for fear you'll fall over, but Bert beat you to it.
"He can't have had a drink in days. That, the fumes from the hairdye, and the recent lack of medication all thrown together is a dangerous mix. He almost collapsed." Bert explains, before turning to you, "You okay now ??" You gulp and breathe deeply, before righting yourself. You still feel like crap, but you'll live. You nod in response to Bert and he smiles.
"Good, because 10 minutes are up anyway. Bert you wanna wash it out or do I have to ??" Emily asks, mostly hinting that Bert should do it because he's been nothing but a pain in the butt so far.. You know he hasn't, but that's how Emily'll see it.
"I'll do it, you go do girly things." Bert says, waving her off and helping you kneel infront of the tub, facing the cool metal.
You hear the water begin to run, and shortly after, the showerhead is coating your dyed hair in warm, refreshing water, running down your face, narrowly missing your eyes. You shut them just to make sure.
"Tell me if it gets too hot or cold, okay ??" Bert asks, you hum in response, watching the black excess liquid fall from your head though squinted eyes.
You feel Bert's hands run through your hair, making sure every last bit of dye is out so your hair doesn't look like poop. You begin to think Bert and Emily should start a hairdressing salon.. For people who want their scalp ripped open, and then massaged.
The water begins to run clearer, and gets minutely hotter. You don't mind it getting to extreme temperatures, but you have a feeling Bert'll notice the temperature change if it gets too much.
You feel a hand on the back of your neck, moving up against the direction of your hair, it feels wierd, having your hair actually washed properly..
The water runs almost clear and gets shut off.
You watch the last drops of free-running water run off your hair, before Bert drops a towel over you.
"I'm not doing everything for you. Your arms still work." He announces, laughing slightly at your grumbled response.
You rub the towel through your hair, still facing away from Bert, before letting it drop you your shoulders.
You turn to face him as he gives you a bemused look.
"Dude, what ??" You ask, looking into the mirror, you see streaks of eyeliner all down your face. You grumble and rub them away.
"Come on, angel, don't you cry.." Bert says in a sing-song voice as he stands up, before laughing again.
"f**k you. You didn't have to soak my entire face and you know it."
"That's what she-"
"BERT." Comes the voice from downstairs.
You both burst into laughter, you having to hold onto Bert for support.
As the laughter subsides, you find Bert looking at you oddly.
"Dude, if it starts hurting like that again, you call me, right ??" Bert says, his voice now controlled and humor-less, more concerned.
"Well. Yeah sure.. But I don't get the big deal.." You say honestly, shaking your head.
"I may not be one, but it could be something to do with your old meds and I don't want you to break in half or some poop."
"Oh, right.." You say, looking downwards, not wanting Bert to know what you're feeling inside.
Panic, worry.. Doubt..
Bert reaches to the side of your face and pulls you towards him, touching your lips to his for a brief, but lasting kiss.
"Don't dwell on any of that poop, okay ?? I'm gonna go see what Emily's up to. Seeya in a bit." Bert says, smiling and walking from the room.
You touch your fingers to your lips.
That wasn't like Frank.. But it was something..
You shake your head and pick up your- Frank's t-shirt, before walking to his room, your room..
You pull the tshirt over your head, inhaling at scent as it goes past your face. It smells sweet, kind of a faint smell of strawberries, and a hint of cigarette smoke. It smells like Frank.
Frank.. Oh god what are you going to do ??
You fall back onto the bed, your legs dangling over the side, your feet touching the floor.
You doubt you have any chance with him, you honestly doubt it. Frank would never fall for someone like you. He's practically perfection, he could get anyone he wanted if he tried..
That's it then.. Frank's out of your league..
Frank doesn't like you like that.. Bert does..
You run your hands over your face, and hope to god you know what you're doing.
You're driving home, thank god, after four days.
You'd tried calling Gerard yesterday, with no luck. He was either really busy, or he was ignoring you.
With good reason. You know what he did.
You recieved a text from Bert yesterday morning, around the time they'd have been having their morning break.
You opened it again, now, to check the wording.
From: Bert (cell)
Best f**king news man, I may have kinda made a move on Gee-man yesterday, ended up better than expected. Dude, I'm practically in a f**king relationship !! Tb !!
You ignored that last comment. As if you'd 'text back' after that poop. You'd told Bert about your feelings for Gee, you'd actually told him, and he went behind your back and took advantage of Gee after he's almost collapsed (god you love Emily, keeps you up-to-date on everything.)
Gerard would be in for the shunning of a lifetime when you got back, and Bert would be requiring a punch or two. You may not be much of a fighter, but god are you a fan of revenge..
You find yourself angrily gripping your phone.
You relax as rain patters down harder on the windows of the car. You think of how far away you are now, judging by the surroundings you can't be more than two minutes..
Sure enough, the sight of your road fills the windscreen through the torrents of rain.
"Frankie, we're gonna go by the supermarket quickly, you wanna get out here and walk the rest of the way ??" Your mother says, turning round from the front. You know the supermarket trip involves turning off the road sooner than your house is, so you don't complain, you just get out, pulling your shoulderbag out behind you and swinging it over your shoulder. You tell your parents you'll see them in a minute, and wave your goodbyes.
As you begin walking towards your house, you notice something odd.. There was someone stood outside, on the step..
He'd be waiting right where you left him..
You forget all pained feelings as you break into a run towards Gerard, stood outside in nothing more than a t-shirt, jeans and socks. No shoes, no jacket. He catches sight of you at the last second and flings his arms out, you land in them happily, not caring how soaked he is.
You don't care how inappropriate it is given the circumstances, you hold him and you don't let go, even as the rain pours off the leather jacket, soaking theough the thin material underneath.
You eventually part from Gerard as the storm picks up.
"How long have you been out here ??" You ask, the rain threatening to drown out the noise, directing your attention to the state of your.. friend.. before you.
"Gerard, your hair !!" You exclaim, ruffling the now-black strands once again threatening to cover the boy's face.
"I did tell you.. And as for how long I've been out here.. All morning, really. I didn't know when you'd get back and.. Well, I promised." He smiles then, before placing his hand on your shoulder.
"Now come on inside, you know you'll get ill if you're out here for more than a few minutes.."
You follow Gerard into the house, which is newly decorated in all the Christmas stuff.
"Emily ??" You question.
"Emily." Gerard clarifies.
As you follow him upstairs, you notice how much he's changed in the last few days. His eyeliner lined eyes, as you noticed outside, are alot less.. lined ?? Than they used to be. His black hair is unbrushed, but tidy. His clothes are clean, and his top is his own..
He's acting alot more mature.. When he told you to come inside.. Even when he hugged you it was alot more rigid than he used to hug. Almost as if he didn't know you.
These points worried you. You worried you were going to lose him again..
Maybe you've already lost him.
You reach your room and Gerard holds open the door for you, but doesn't come in. On the bed you see dry clothes and a towel, the latter of which you pick up.
Gerard stands in the doorway for a moment.
"I'll be downstairs." He informs you, before shutting the door and leaving you, dripping wet, alone in the middle of your room.
"Oh.. Okay.." You mutter to the closed door, still holding the towel.
That's wierd, you think, the Gerard you know would have come in and chatted to you while you were getting dry and changing. He would have made conversation, updated you on the last few days and as least made on joke about how many people he brought over..
The Gerard you know would have helped you dry your hair, even when you told him not to. He'd done that twice now, after you'd all been out in the rain. He'd say it because you were useless, but you knew the truth was he did it because he liked having it done to himself. He liked being treated like a kid sometimes.
Maybe that's why he's with Bert now. Bert treats him like a kid when you don't.
You dry and change in silence, before walking downstairs. Socks, jeans, tshirt.
"Oh, and Frank ??" Gerard says, leaning over the back of the couch to face you.
"Yeah ??" You say hopefully, you're not sure what you think he's going to say, but you're still hoping for just a couple words..
"Bert told me to tell you the talent show auditions are tomorrow first and second lesson. We thought you'd be interested.."
"Are you doing it ??" You ask, hoping he'll say yes. You love Gerard's voice.
"Erm.. I don't really think I wanna go up infront of a crowd.." He says, smiling sideways like he does when he's doubting himself.
"You could do a duet with Bert or something." You suggest, maybe a little too much bitterness lining his voice.
"You what, Gerard ??" You interrupt. You don't know what's come over you, but since Gerard refered to himself and Bert as 'we' you just lost it..
"I didn't think you'd be this upset.." He admits, like the ignorant kid he is.
You can't talk. He honestly didn't think you'd be upset ?? Surely he knew.. Surely he did.. You back off, walking straight back upstairs and through your bedroom door, making note to slam it behind you to illustrate your point.
Soon enough, there's a knocking at your door. About half a second passes before Gerard enters without permission anyway. Not only is he childish, he's impatient, too.
"Frank what the f**k is wrong ?? I thought you'd be happy I found someone who-" He stops, then, realising he should have stopped talking there anyway.
"Someone who what, Gerard ??" You demand, turning around and staring him straight in the eyes. You don't care if you have to tilt your head up slightly.
"Someone who can love me back." He says through gritted teeth.
"As opposed to what, Gerard ??!!" You almost scream. You wonder momentarily where the hell your parents have gotten to.
"As opposed to you, Frank !!" He screams right back, tears streaking his already rain-damaged eyeliner.
"What ??" You almost whisper. You can't have heard him right.
"I f**king loved you. But I know you could never feel the same way about me, but f**k," Gerard screams the last word and pounds his fist into the doorframe, evidently causing himself more damage than the wall.
You see, for a split second, the whitening scar down his forearm.
You're standing in the Way family's bathroom-
You shake the image of the dream out of your head, and focus back on the present moment.
You fall back onto the bed, sat there unable to speak. You can't just tell Gerard you feel the same way, not now.
"Exactly what I thought. f**k it, Frank. I'll stay at Bert's tonight or something, you don't want me here.."
"No, Gerard, wait." You call after him, he backs up and looks back through the door, "Stay here, for f**k sake, I'm not mad at you, I'm not angry. Just don't go, please."
"Then what are you Frank ?? Because you're clearly not happy." Gerard demands, closing the door and leaning on it looking at you.
'Jealous' you think to yourself. Gerard's happy now, and you weren't the cause of it.
"Tired." You lie, "As long as you're sure you're happy with Bert, I'm always here." That last bit was true. You'd be with Gerard to the end, no matter how you had to do it. Even if you have to just stay his friend. Best friend. As long as you're still best friends..
You spend the reast of the night focused on talking about other people. Gerard grimaces before talking.
"I've been meaning to mention something to you.." He says, looking worried about what he's about to say, "Have you noticed that Amber's alot more.. sociable, when she's not with Ash."
"You saw Amber without Ash ??" You question, unaware that happened anymore.
"Yeah, he was sick the other day and she was hanging out with me, Bert and Emily for a while." Gerard clarifies, "She was really, really chatty. I mean she already knew Bert, but she was being unusually chatty."
"She used to be like that before Ash came along, but that's wierd.. I'll look into it." You say.
Your parents came home long ago, and it's getting late. You look out the window to find it pitch black, which could mean any time between 4pm and 6am in the winter..
"It's 11.." Gerard says, apparently reading your mind. "Should we go to bed ??"
"You can, I need a drink. I'll be up in a minute." You lie, as Gerard agrees and says he'll see you in a bit.
He won't. He won't see you until the morning, but he doesn't have to know that.
You walk downstairs, getting a drink and resting your hands on the countertop, looking out of the window, you swear you see movement in the hedges, but when your eyes focus on it, you see nothing.
"Weird." You say to nobody in particular.
You grab your drink and walk out into the hallway, checking the door is locked, before walking to the sliding glass back door and checking that's locked, before pulling the curtain across it.
You move over to sit on the couch, deciding you'd check on Gerard one last time before falling asleep down here.
You walk quietly up the stairs, nudging your door open enough to see through the gap to your bed, where, sure enough, Gerard is fast asleep ontop of the covers. He didn't look like he had a choice, but neither did it look like he tried to fight sleep off. You find yourself smiling weakly at the best thing that never happened to you. His black hair just about long enough to fall over his forehead messily, his slightly parted lips and his eyes, closed tightly shut as if his dreams were frustrating him, arching his eyebrows further down than usual..
You close the door as quietly as possible and retreat down the stairs, to fall asleep on the couch wearing that old leather jacket yet again.
You're stood, racking your nerves outside the school music room, awaiting your audition.
Bert had gone in just before you. You'd wished him luck, after all he's still a good friend, but you almost punched someone when he kissed Gerard before disappearing behind the doors.
"Frankie you'll do fine, I know it." Gerard says, stood close by your side to block out the wind, like he always used to do.
You close your eyes and try and relax. Gerard's right. Gerard's always right.
"Frank Iero ??" Your music teacher calls through the door, letting Bert out, who's grinning madly. You disappear into the room as Bert practically tackles Gerard with cries of "I'M IN." over and over again.
You walk into the warm room, the red carpets and smell of the varnished wood of the piano in the far corner. It wasn't a very big room, maybe just bigger than your lounge at home..
"What song are you singing for us, Frank ??" Your music teacher asks, sitting down next to another guy, the head of the music department.
"Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon." You'd decided this while sleeping, actually. The words needed to be said.
"Okay, we'll play you in, just hold on while we find it." You teacher says, while she searches the song on youtube, of all things.
The guitar intro plays, and you begin to sing along, your heart and soul going into every true word.
#"Somewhere they're speaking. It's already coming in. All of this rising in the back of your mind. You never could get it, unless you were fed it, now you're here, and you don't know why. But under skimmed knees and the, skidmarks, past the places where you used to learn. You howl and listen, listening away for the, echoes of angels that won't return...."#
You sing the first verse, the part of the song that doesn't have as much meaning as the remainder, and wait for the verdict.
The music cuts off as you stop singing, and the teachers take notes.
"Okay Frank, that's amazing. You're through." You grin as much as you can bring yourself to, "But you need an enchore song aswell, sweetie."
You think hard about that one. You have a song in mind, and it's not as if you'll get an enchore anyway. The enchores are for the three winners of the talent show.
"Okay, Fix You by Coldplay." You say. It's just as meaningful to you, on the offchance you get chosen you can sing it pretty well.
"Alright Frank, you can go, we'll see you friday night."
You walk out of the door into the newly falling rain, looking around for Gerard and Bert. You see neither of them.
You look up into the rain, the angry black clouds feeling the same pain you are. Black clouds, told to go away when they're not needed, and people get annoyed at them when they don't show up.
Droughts, you decided, are when the black clouds get sick of being used. You know that's silly, personifying clouds, but you know how they feel anyway. You decide to keep them company for a while, and begin your walk up onto the school field.
You make your way to the tree where you and the guys usually meet. Grabbing hold of the lowest branch, you get a slippery grip on it and attempt to swing yourself up onto it. It takes you two tries before you get hold of the second branch and climb higher, your foot almost slips and you have a miniature heart atack and grab the nearest branch, hugging it to your chest. You look down and realise how high up you are.
You settle to sitting on the branch next to the one you're standing on. It's soaked, but so are you, so you don't mind.
You turn your phone on, playing music at full blast through your earphones. They're almost completely broken, but you don't mind. The wires aren't showing or anything, they're just losing sound quality.
You hear thunder building up in the distance and a flash of lightning takes out a tree at the other end of the field. You're not scared, though. Not anymore.
Bonus Chapter - Narrator POV.
In a cinema in central England, a young girl in a red dress runs across then screen. She is the only colour in the entire film. Later, the red dress is seen, in a pile of clothes belonging to the dead. Everybody cries. End scene.
In central California, a clown walks out onto a stage, he's bright and colourful and makes balloon animals for the children, the one for the birthday girl uses up three different coloured balloons. It's a butterfly. Everyone cheers and laughs, the girl cries with happiness.
Far away from there, overseas, a clown dressed in nothing but black and white walks out onto a similar stage, his face painted depicting a frown and a single blue tear.. The only other colour on him come from his raw, red wrists and the peculiar red stains on his sleeves. As he enters centre stage, he collapses. Everyone gasps. Who would have expected this from a clown who spends all his days pretending to be depressed ??
A man in north America walks the dirty streets. He is homeless, dressed in plain, ugly colours. Later, his body is seen laying in a gutter, a thick red liquid leaks from his slashed throat. Nobody notices, nobody cares. He was just a homeless man, whose blood happens to be staining the dark grey concrete.
On the other side of America, a young boy in his late teens walks down a street in Belleville, New Jersey. He is dressed mostly in black, save his vibrant red eyeliner. People walk by him, some pushing past him and some swerving to avoid him. He doesn't notice, he doesn't care. He's just a kid. It's raining heavily, but he has no raincoat, just an old leather jacket originally belonging to a friend of his.
Nobody in the street knows that, they don't need to. It's not their story we're telling.
The people in the streets known nothing of this boy's extraordinary, ordinary life. For he's just a teenager. There are alot of them in America.
The people in the streets are going to work, coming home from work, some are coming home from school, as our boy is.
But it's not the people on the streets that matter to us. It's this boy.
A few streets away in a child's playpark, a boy of the same age sits with his boyfriend. They're sat close, but not touching.
The boy has his head in his hands, thinking of his friend who he abandoned to be with the one next to him. It's not that he wanted to, but this new boy insisted.
The boy ruffles his short, black hair and stands up, much to confusion of his boyfriend, who tries to pull him back down with his sleeve.
The passers-by don't know the boy's story, they don't know the boy next to him with the long, shaggy black hair is his boyfriend. They don't know he's doubting his current relationship.
A few doors away from where the first boy walks, a teenaged british girl leans on her windowsill. She is worrying about the first boy and the second boy.
Next door to her room, her brother plays music loudly. It's not bad music at all, but it angers the girl that he'd play it so loudly.
She watches the rain form patterns on the window, and how her breath fogs the cool glass.
She tucks her light brown hair behind her ear and presses her forehead to the glass, closing her eyes as her fringe threatens to engulf them.
When she opens her eyes, our first boy is walking past on the street below. She watches him walk for a few seconds, debating the rain, before grabbing her coat from her doorhandle and running out to meet him.
A couple passes by the park, looking on as the two boyfriends argue about the first boy, the one with the red eyeliner.
They don't know who the boy they're discussing is, they don't even know the reason for the argument.
They have their own things to do, but we won't go into that.
After all, it's not their story. It's ours.
"Frank, wait up !!" You call, running after the boy ahead of you as fast as you can, you finally catch up and stand infront of him.
The rain is heavy and relentless, but you don't care.
"What's wrong ?? You look like you saw someone shoot a puppy.." You ask, trying to add humour to a humourless situation.
"I can't do this anymore." He says, trying to walk past you. You settle for walking alongside him, "I'm telling him tomorrow."
"But Frank, are you sure that's a good idea ?? I mean, he's happy, right ??" You question, unsure if Frank knows something you don't.
"I don't know.. He didn't actually answer when I asked.. I just have to tell him, he has to know. And it's not like I'm telling him straight out."
"How are you doing it then ??" You question warily.
"Talent show, singing."
"What the hell are you singing..??" You ask, unsure you want to know.
"....Everything You Want." He admits, looking to the ground.
"Fitting." You say truthfully, before smacking him arounf the head, "If this messes him up, it's on you. Okay ??"
"Deal." He says, walking again, faster this time. You have to go to the talent show tomorrow now.
You'd heard about Gerard and Bert arguing a couple of times, but it was nothing major. Usually it was just because Gerard didn't wanna get drunk with Bert.. It's understandable really, Gerard and Frank getting drunk together was tradition, of course Gerard wasn't ready to break that..
You're soaked through now, and Frank's walked off too far ahead to catch up. So you stand there in the rain, thinking back to the closest Frank and Gerard ever came, in your memory.
"I swear I'm not drunk." Frank says, visibly swaying and almost falling. Gerard manages to catch him before he hits the floor. They sit together. Gerard has a headache from drinking too much, too fast, and Frank just can't hold his drink.
"f**king lightweight." Gerard says. Given their positions, sat cross-legged opposite eachother on the floor, it was quite easy for him to just lean forward and rest his forehead on the smaller boy's shoulder, which he did. Frank smiles at this and kisses the side of Gerard's head. The still long, black tangles of hair tucked behind his ear move slightly at the touch of Frank's lips.
You smile at the two of them, sat in the middle of Frank's patio, lit by the moon and the glow from indoors. You're sat on the inside of the sliding glass doors, mainly to make sure they don't hurt themselves, but also to make sure they don't hurt eachother, mentally or physically.
"I f**king love you, Gee, you know that right ??" Frank whispers. You know he means every word of it, and lean forwards slightly. Gerard wouldn't take him seriously, you knew that, but you wanted to make sure Frank was okay.
"I love you too, Frankie." Gerard laughs, nuzzling the side of Frank's head and making Frank smile, closing his eyes to the touch.
You smile at their drunken display of affection. You'd hate to interrupt, so you don't.
They sit there with eachother, Gerard's head on Frank's shoulder, Frank's head occasionally on Gerard's, sometimes just resting on Gerard's mess of tangled hair.
"Gerard, I-" Frank starts, interrupted by a voice behind you.
"Guys come on in, I have to show you this !!" Ash had screamed. The boys reluctantly moved from their spot on the patio in the warm summer air and followed him and yourself inside.
Ash didn't want to show them much. You can't even remember what it was now. But you know what Frank wanted to say.
"What were you gonna say to Gerard last night ??" You ask Frank, sat next to him on the field as Gerard, Ash and Amber walk off to the cafeteria to buy drinks. It was a hot day and Gerard had forgotten a drink that morning.
"I was gonna ask him out for coffee.. Like a date.." Frank answers honestly, scraping the hard ground with a twig he'd found. It breaks in half as he says the last word and he throws it a few metres away.
"You should do it now." You say, signalling to the form of Gerard walking indoors after the other two.
"No. He'd never-" He stops, thinking out his choice of words, "He'd never think of me like that."
You hadn't said anything, but you should have. You regret not saying it now, seeing how miserable Frank is, and how.. not here, Gerard is.
As the rain begins to soak through your last layer of clothing, you turn back to walk home. Somebody had to sort this out, and as much as you'd like it to be you, it can't be. Not this time.
This was up to Frank and Gerard.
DUDE, As much as love Bert... OMG BREAK THEM UP D:
Frank is too 'depressed-like' eeekkk D:
All of those updates were SSOOOOO freaking cute! ;DD
OMGEE. Frank, tell gerard how you feeeeeel!!! Gerard, how DARE you hook up with Bert! Oh, by the way, im a new reader and as far as im concerned, im hooked. This story.... amaaaazing. Update soon pretty please? I know it was just yesterday... but... I might die lol well, love the story. Sincerely, new hooked and amazed reader.<3
NEW READER OMG. <3
I never thought the story would get this far =')
I knew I'd upset a few of you just then.. Maybe today's bulk-update will make up for it.. Here we go !! (ps, this is the first start to updates that are based on the day they're posted.)
Chapter 69 (lol 69)
You wake up in the morning, alone again in Frank's bed. You're used to it now, but it's still not comfortable.
You know he's downstairs, wrapped up in a thin blanket on the sofa. He didn't have a blanket when he fell asleep, but you changed that. He could refuse to sleep in the same bed as you, but you wouldn't let him freeze for it.
You change in silence. You're nervous. The talent show is later, and Bert's singing, but so is Frank.
You have a duty to be cheering for Bert, but you'd rather cheer for Frank. Boyfriend or not, Frank's closer to you in any sense. You've known him longer, you know him better, and he's been with you through more.
So f**k Bert, you'll be cheering Frank on.
"If he doesn't like it he can f**k right off." You whisper to yourself as you close the bedroom door as quietly as possible behind you. You mean every word of it.
You walk downstairs and lean over the back of the couch to ruffle Frank's hair.
"Come on, sleepy, wake up." You say quietly, easing him out of the uncomfortable sleep he's chosen for himself. You walk to the kitchen, glancing back as Frank sits up and moves the blanket suspiciously.
"When did I get a blanket ??" He asks, walking towards you and leaning his head on folded arms on the counter.
"You didn't. Coffee ??" You respond, not even waiting for an answer before flicking the switch on the coffee pot.
Frank seems to get the hint and tilts his head to face you slightly.
You'd like to ask why he chose to sleep down here, why he wouldn't just come sleep upstairs. But you know the answer. It's because Frank would feel wierd sharing a bed with a guy who's not single. Especially when you're the guy, and you're dating someone who was originally just a friend of Frank's..
You hand him his coffee in silence and he takes it gratefully. Neither of you say a word for at least 10 minutes. You look at the clock, it's almost time to go.
"Frank you wanna go get ready ??" You ask, eyeing your friend worriedly from across the room. You can only see half his face, but his eyes are slightly red, and not from eyeliner.
"I am ready." He replies, you feel a slight bit of anger coming from his tone that you don't like.
"Frank.." You start, he looks up and straight at you, his face showing no emotion at all, "Are you okay ??"
"I'm fine. Let's go already." He replies, shoving his half-finished coffee to the back of the counter and standing up, grabbing his bag and walking out of the door before you even get a chance to talk.
You down the rest of your coffee before grabbing your bag and running out of the still-open front door, closing it behind you you run after Frank. He's very fast for a short guy..
"What the f**k did I do to you ?? You go and sleep downstairs in the freezing cold every night for no f**king reason, you leave me up there by myself, waiting for you to come back upstairs so I can chat to you, and now you're the one in a mood with me for asking if you're okay ??!!" You question angrily, stopping him in his tracks.
"Gerard. Get the f**k out of my way." He says, his eyes staring at you coldly. You know that look, you'd only ever seen it twice before, those months ago when Frank had ordered you to hit him, and a while ago when a guy tried to beat you up on one of your drunken walkabouts. It's the look Frank gives where he doesn't give a poop what he does next. There's no sparkle in his eyes, and they're a deep, dark, almost charcoal-brown.
But you knew exactly how to react.
"No." You reply, you don't even stand up straight or make yourself bigger than him. Because you know what he's going to do and you probably deserve it.
"Gerard. Move." He orders, his face growing in anger. He tries to step to the right, you follow his steps. Three.
"Move. Now." Two.
You shake your head, relaxing your jaw for what's about to come.
"Gerard, for the love of god, move out of my f**king way." One.
"No." You reply.
There it comes, you close your eyes as the image of Frank's fist gets closer to your face. You prepare yourself for a punch.
Right in the cheekbone, you feel the warmth of Frank's angry skin against the bruising skin on your own face. You put up with the pain, because you just don't care.
You stand there, facing Frank, a line of blood from a small cut on your cheek leaks down your face. You can feel the slight swelling.
Frank didn't punch you hard, you know that. He held back. The ring on his middle finger did the damage.
He pushes you sideways and continues on his way. You follow a few metres behind, concentrating on numbing the stinging pain in your cheek.
You remember telling Frank that's where it least hurts to be punched.
You smile, then, a genuine smile. Because Frank could have hit you anywhere and had the same effect. But he chose the place it would hurt you least, so he could get his point across.
You eventually see the school, and watch as Frank ascend the steps and turns down the maze of corridors.
Emily is stood by the doors, and after trying to stop Frank, to no avail, she turns to you. Shock on her face, she runs down the steps, almost running into you.
"Gerard what the hell ?? Did Frank do that ?? What the f**k ??!!" She says, examining the small cut on your cheek that was probably bruising your pale skin with ease.
"Yes he did, I deserved it, can we please drop it so I can get this f**ker of a day over with ??"
"Gerard, what 'f**ker of a day' ??" Comes a voice from behind you. A familiar voice that makes you smile on any other day, but not now.
"Bert, Frank punched Gerard." Emily says bluntly, not even letting you explain.
"The f**k he did." Bert says, spinning you around by your shoulder and glaring at your new wound, "The f**k is wrong with him ?? Where is he ??" Bert says angrily.
"Drop it, okay ?? I provoked him, I knew he'd do it. Just don't get involved." You say, shaking Bert's hand off your shoulder and walking to your form room. You knew he'd be in there, but you didn't care.
You open the door, a smile twitching onto your face as you see Frank sat in the corner, head in his hands.
You move down the seats, pulling the chair out from one at the back and moving to sit in it. You see a smile twitch at the corner of Frank's mouth.
"I wouldn't sit there." He says, still smirking, his eyes and most of his face covered by his arms, his hands in his hair.
"Why not ??" You ask, smirking along with him.
"It's in the firing line." Frank says, as seriously as he can.
You move a couple of seats across, nearer to Frank, but not next to him. You pull out the chair and Frank's smirk grows into a grin.
"Think about it, kid. There's a reason nobody sits in those seats." He says, still grinning, because he knows what you're doing.
"Then where the f**k am I supposed to sit ??" You ask in mock annoyance, putting your hand on your hip and clicking your tongue.
Frank sighs in annoyance and pulls out the chair next to him forcefully. As you sit down, you both laugh.
"Sorry about punching you.." Frank says, hands still in his hair.
"Sorry about making you punch me.." You respond, mocking Frank's tone of apology.
"f**k you, I could punch you any time I want." Frank says, leaning back in his chair. The red from his eyes is still not eyeliner.
"And it'll never hurt." You say quietly, smirking, "You know Bert was gonna beat the crap outta you ??"
"I thought he might. I could take him." Frank responds, pretending to roll up his sleeves.
"Stoner vs. Midget ?? Sounds like an excellent showdown.." You mumble, hoping Frank could hear you.
"f**k you." He replies. You smile.
As it nears the end of the day, your nerves are shot. You've been called into the prep studio (aka Music Room) to 'prepare'. Bert's trying to calm you down as best he can, to no avail. You're hyperventillating, panicking about your "voice not working" and generally worrying about what people (Gerard) will think of you..
"Dude, calm down, it'll go fine, okay ?? I'm going on before you, so just watch me fail and you'll be fine.
The list of entrees is slowly diminished, each act going on, performing their stupid little pop songs, and then leaving the stage to cheers, in tears because they can't hold poop in. There are four of you left. Bert, yourself, Amber and some preppy girl that insisted she went last. Something to do with being remembered better..
"Bert, you're on." The teacher calls through the door.
"Good luck, dude." You say, grabbing his shoulder and smiling. All situations aside, Bert's your friend.
"You too, man, knock 'em dead." He hugs you briefly before running out onstage.
"Hey motherf**kers !!"
"He's nailed it already." Amber calls from behind you. You smirk.
"This song's called 'I Caught Fire' by my little garage band, The Used. Unfortunately, the rest of the guys don't go to this school, so I just have a recording of them."
#"Seemed to stop my breath, my head on your chest, waiting to cave in, from the bottom of my- Hear your voice again, could we din the sun and wonder where we've been, maybe you and me. So kiss me like you did. My heart stopped beating, such a softer sin. I'm melting."#
Bert's voice drifts through the hall, it's a higher pitch than his normal voice, but you've always loved hearing Bert sing.
#"I'm melting in your eyes, I lost my place, could stay a while. And I'm melting in your eyes, like my first time, that I caught fire, Just stay with me, lay with me now."#
You can see Gerard in the crowd. He's smiling, but looking around. He catches your gaze and his smile grows. You could never hear him from this distance, but his expression speaks for him 'Bert's great at singing. You're next right ??'
'Yeah, completely shattered for it..'
'Don't be, you'll do great.' He smiles, you smile back.
#"Never caught my breath, every second I'm without you I'm a mess, ever know eachother. Trust these words are stones, why cuts aren't healing. Learning how to love I'm melting...."#
Another chorus. You love the chorus the most. You don't care if he's singing to Gerard. Gee doesn't seem to realise it anyway.
You take the time to prepare yourself for your performance. You swing your arms around because you have no idea what to do with them.
"Frank calm down." Amber says, reading the latest Kerrang! magazine she'd produced from her bag.
You ignore her and instead, take deep breaths. This had to be done.
#"Let's sleep 'til the sun burns out. I'm melting in your eyes...."#
The song ends and people cheer, Bert bows and strides offstage. You feel your stomach turn inside out. You're singing a song that already exists, you won't do it well, everyone will laugh and Gerard will be embarassed to say he lives with you.
f**k. At least you had it all planned out.
"Frank Iero ?? You're on." The teacher calls through the door as a member of the year council announces you on the loudspeaker.
"poop." You mumble, head in your hands. You grab hold of your hair and pull.
"Good luck Frankie." You hear Amber say, before you stride out to the end of your high school life.
Frankie doesn't do the whole 'full-of-yourself introduction' that Bert can get away with. he just stands infront of the microphone, patiently waiting for the music to start as calls of "emofag" echo from what seems to be two members of the audience. He ignores them.
As the slow-but-techno intro starts, and then the unmistakeable guitar, you know exactly what song it is. You're probably wrong. Frank wouldn't sing a song like this..
#"Somewhere they're speaking, it's already coming in, all of this rising at the back of your mind. You never could get it, unless you were fed it, and now you're here and you don't know why. But under the skinned knees and the, skid marks, past the places where you used to learn. You howl and listen, listening away for the, echoes of angels that won't return."#
You can only stand in awe of Frank right now. Not only is his voice better than you remember it, he's singing a song you never thought he'd sing. And you still have no idea why he's singing it.
#"He's everything you want, he's everything you need, he's everything inside of you that you wish you could be, he says all the right things at exactly the right time, but he means nothing to you and you don't know why."#
You look at Frank's expressions, his right and rests lightly on the microphone in it's stand, and his left hand rests just above his belt. his eyes are closed. He opens them momentarily and catches your gaze.
#"You're waiting for someone, to put you together, you're waiting for someone to push you away. There's always another, one to discover, there's always something more you wish he'd say."#
Then the chorus again. You try and get what Frank means. You think you get it, but you hope to god you're wrong..
#"But you'll just sit tight, and watch it unwind. Tell me what you're asking for. And you'll be just fine, when all of your time, you tell me what you're waiting for.
Out of the island, and into the highway. Past the places where you might have turned. You never did notice, but you still hide away, the angle of angels who won't return."#
He catches your eye again as he repeats the chorus.
#"He's everything you want, he's everything you need, he's everything inside of you that you wish you could be, he says all the right things at exactly the right time, but he means nothing to you and you don't know why-
I am everything you want, I am everything you need, I am everything insidte of you that you wish you could be, I say all the right things at exactly the right time, but I mean nothing to you and I don't know.... why.."#
You find yourself almost in tears. If you're right, and you've missed this the whole time.. Oh god, you're so stupid. Oh god you've lost him forever..
Oh god, you're with Bert.
You finish the song, walking offstage to.. cheers ?? People were actually cheering you ??
You look out into the crowd briefly to see Gerard clapping, his face shocked, but unreadable. You wonder if he understood.
Bert hugs you as you walk to the second closed-off area, as you hear Amber's name over the loudspeaker.
Someone shouts "emo" form the back of the room.
"I prefer the term 'frak' if you don't mind." She responds, to a few laughs, before she's counted in to her song, which you know is "Kuolema Tekee Taitelijan" by Nightwish, and operatic, beautiful song, entirely in Finnish..
"Dude you f**king nailed it." Bert says, clapping you on the back. You smile in turn. You don't really want to get through to the enchore, but if you do, at least you'll do it with a song Gerard knows.
"What're you singing for an enchore if you get put through ??" You ask Bert.
"'All That I've Got', you ??" He reponds, flicking back the curtain slightly, probably to check on Gerard.
"'Fix You.'" You reply, sitting down on a hard chair as Amber comes skipping backstage again, grinning her head off as the crowd.. makes no noise at all.
One clap. Two claps. Soon the whole room erupts into cheers and applause.
"Well done, Ambs." Bert says, hugging her with one arm.
"You were f**king amazing." You smile. She smiles back.
Gerard was right. Ash was absent yesterday and today, and Amber auditioned and went in to the talent show. Something she'd never have done before..
You shake away your thoughts as Amber and Bert are caught up in a conversation about a new videogame coming out.. You can hear girly cheers and screams as the last girl.. You think her name is Alex or something.. Walks out onstage, you hear the first few words of 'Jar Of Hearts' and instantly block it out.
"It's the most emo song I've ever heard, and it's sung by a chav.." A girl on the other side of the room comments, gaining a laugh from everyone in the room. Her accent kinda reminds you of Emily's, but it sounds like she's been in Jersey longer..
"What's everyone's enchore ??" A guy asks. You recognise him, but not fully. He's in Mikey's year, you think.
"'I Must be emo'. Just to complete the atmosphere." the girl at the back comments, smirking and brushing her black hair behind her ear.
"You guys ??" The guy asks, indicating the three of you.
"Another song I wrote, it's called 'All That I've Got'." Bert answers, nudging you.
"'Fix You' by Coldplay.." You mumble, trying to keep your head down. You hate being the center of attention.
"I'm not planning on going back on, so nothing." Amber answers honestly, shrugging and making herself comfortable on a chair.
There are a few more people in the room with you, but they're caught up in their own conversations.
You recognise the other two, the ones that were talking to you, but you're not sure where from.. Maybe a party or something ??
"You're Frank, right ??" The girl asks, nodding at you.
"Yeah I am.." You say, slightly warily.
"Thought I recognised you. I was at a party of yours a while ago. Back then I had white hair ??" She asks. Now you recognise her, she came in to get Emily, because she couldn't drive.
"Oh yeah, sorry, didn't recognise you.." You say, smiling slightly. You don't want to offend a friend of Emily's.. There'd be hell to pay..
"It's no worries. What happened with you and that guy ??" She asks, evidently not sure whether to bring it up.
"This is his boyfriend." You signal to Bert, giving her a 'for the love of god don't continue' look.
"Oh, right.." She says, smiling at Bert, who smiles pointedly back.
The conversation seems to stop there, until the wailing from outside the room is drowned out by cheering from, mostly girls..
The girl comes skipping backstage, walking.. No, not walking, she's f**king prancing, like she's some kind of royal, past the five of you.
"sl*t." The girl at the back comments.
10 points to Gryffindor.
"The judges are gonna tally up the votes for the enchores now, so you guys all go get food and poop." The commentator says into the main stage microphone, before walking off over to the judges.
You all wait in silence for the results, the guy you spoke to briefly is tapping his shoe on the ground and playing with his messy brown hair. The girl at the back is flicking through her phone.
Amber's sat staring into space, and Bert's pacing restlessly.
"Alright guys. Miss Amber Teal's refused to enchore, so a Mr Brendon Urie ??" The guy looks up, eyes wide, "You'll be on first."
The guy looks more downtrodden than excited, but you know that's just nerves.
"Followed by Bert McCracken ??"
"f**k YES." Bert screams next to you, fist-pumping the air.
"And then a Mr Frank Iero. Sorry to everyone else, y'all did great." The boy announces, leaving the room.
"f**k the system." the girl from the corner says, but she's still smiling. You're kinda glad she didn't get through, mainly because of what she was gonna sing..
As the crowd slowly makes their way back into the hall, the announcer makes his way back onstage. You're starting to think the loudspeaker's broken.
He taps the microphone twice until it stops squealing, and then laughs.
"Right guys, first of our enchores, Brendon Urie !!"
Cheers erupt from the crowd as the guy takes a deep breath and walks out. You all wish him luck.
You sit with Bert and Amber. You're nervous, you know that. The sick feeling is building up in your stomach, you don't know what do do with your hands, so they're just moving, clenching and unclenching your fingers, every now and then making a small slicking noise. Your skeleton gloves, the ones Gerard bought you, muffle most of the sound.
You mind races to what you think Gerard's thinking. What could this possibly change anyway ?? You can't change the past..
You've gotta put the past behind you. But how could you ?? It's Gerard. You live with him, for the moment at least, until he sorts things out with his mother.. You can't just stop talking to him.. You can't forget him..
You could never forget him.
Brendon walks back offstage, smiling and looking alot more relaxed than he had before, the girl walks over to him and pats him on the back, apparently taking him off to get a drink.
You clap Bert on the shoulder as he runs out onstage as his name is called. You decide to listen to him, to see whether his song is for Gee again, or just a song..
The musical intro kicks in, and you automatically fall in love with the song. The girl from earlier runs over to the curtain.
"Oh god I f**king love this song. I didn't know he was that Bert.." She whispers, in awe of the boy onstage, dressed in an old band shirt and jeans that shouldn't stay up without a belt, but somehow manage..
#"So deep, that it didn't even bleed and catch me. Off-guard, red-handed now I'm far from lonely. Asleep, I still see you lying next to me.. So deep, that it didn't even bleed and catch me oooou-ouuut."#
You smile as Bert sings, you'll admit his voice is amazing. The girl next to yuo obviously thinks so, as she's singing along quietly to every word.
"I need, something else would someone please just give me.. hit me, knock me out and let me go back to sleep, I can laugh all I want, inside I still am empty, so deep, that it didn't even bleed and catch me oooou-ooout.
I'll be just fine, pretending I'm not, I'm far from lonely and it's all that I've got. I'll be just fine, pretending I'm not, I'm far from lonely and it's all that I got.."#
Bert swings backwards for the break in the song, tilting the microphone stand back with him and swinging his head to the side. You can see why he's in an actual band..
#"I guess, I remember every glance you shot me. Unharmed, I'm losing weight and some body heat. I squoze so hard I stopped your heart from beating, so deep, that I didn't even scream, f**k me uuuh-uuuup."#
And the chorus again, you take this time to focus on Gerard, who's smiling at Bert onstage, you can see the hint of pride in his eyes, but.. You hope you're imagining the sadness.. But he looks sad..
"Amber ??" You call behind you, she pokes her head out over your shoulder, "Does Gerard look alright to you ??"
"Not really.. He looks a little down.. I'll go check on him if you want ??"
"Please, if you could.." You thank her as she goes off into the audience, to one of the vacant seats next to Gerard.
#"Yeah it's all that I've got.. Yeah it's all that I've got.. It's all that I've got. It's all that I've got. It's all that I've GOT !!
So deep, that it didn't even bleed and catch me. So deep, that I didn't even scream 'f**k me'."#
You look over to where Amber is sat, turned to face Gerard with her back facing you so you can't see what he's saying..
You curse silently. The girl next to you is still singing along with Bert. She hasn't let go of the curtain..
#"I'll be just fine !! Pretending I'm not !! I'm far from lonely, and it's all that I've got !! I'LL BE JUST FINE. PRETENDING I'M NOT. I'm far from lonely and it's ALL THAT I'VE GOT !!
Yeah it's all that I've got.. Yeah it's all that I've got.."#
"Gerard says he's just nervous for you.." Amber says, appearing behind you as if by magic.. You have no time to reply with how much bullshit that is..
Bert is applauded offstage and the girl next to you practically runs back to her seat. You laugh quietly to yourself as Bert re-enters the room, smiling.
"Dude you were f**king amazing." f**k you and your talent.
"Thanks.. but you're up next. Go on, dude, show me up." Bert smiles. You know he's being at least a little bit patronising. He knows he's good.
"And last of our enchores, Frank Iero !!"
You look into the crowd to see Gerard's head shoot up and swing towards you. That's all the encouragement you need.
You look to Frank as his name is called out. Amber didn't tell you he was part of the enchore trio..
You hold your breath as the song starts, and smile slightly as you realise you know it.. You know it very well..
#"When you try your best, but you don't succeed.. When you get what you want, but not what you need.. When you feel so tired but you can't sleep.. Stuck in reverse.."#
You sing along under your breath, smiling honestly as Frank looks towards you. He sees you're singing and smiles back, keeping eye contact for the majority of the next few lines..
#"And the tears come streaming down your face.. When you lose something you can't replace.. When you love someone but it goes to waste.. Could it be worse ??
Lights will guide you home. And ignite your bones. And I will try. To fix you.."#
You see tears streaking Frank's eyeliner. Nobody dares comment on it. You bite your lip in frustration. How could you have been so stupid ??
#"And high up above, or down below. When you're too in love to let it go. But if you never try, you'll never know. Just what you're worth..
Lights will guide you home. And ignite your bones. And I will try. To fix you.."#
You try and catch Frank's attention again. But he's closed his eyes. Both of his hands are resting on the microphone now, on on the other, and you see him wipe his eyes on his left glove, still on the microphone. You remember how happy he was when you gave him those gloves.
They were really the main part of his present, and you're glad he knows that. And you're glad he wears them.. Like your jacket. That was an unintentional gift, though. You've just never asked for it back. You think it looks better on Frank anyway.. He's wearing it now, with the sleeves rolled up so his gloves show properly..
He's up there still, during the instrumental part fo the song. He hasn't run away, he's not ashamed of crying. You're so proud of him it hurts, but you can't build up the courage to show him.
You want to run up there and join him, so he doesn't have to do it alone. But you can't. This is Frank's moment and you know how much it'll benefit him to be up infront of this many people. He's managing so far, why ruin that ??
He looks up the the ceiling, where the spotlight hang, aimed at him. You're quite close to the front, round the side of the stage nearest the blacked out room, and can see the shimmer of tears on his face, but he doesn't frown, he closes his eyes against the lights and continues to sing, despite the people, depite the situation. And that's dedication.
#"Tears stream, down your face, when you lose something you cannot replace. Tears stream down your face, and I...."#
You sing along louder, and Frank smiles at you sadly, biting his lipring before continuing, with you as his backup.
#"Tears stream, down your face, I promise you I will learn from my mistakes. Tears stream, down your face and I...."#
You stop there, because that's all Frank needed to continue to put his heart and soul into the final lines.
#"Lights will guide you home. And ignite your bones. And I will try. To fix you."#
You stand and clap, not bothering to wipe your eyes from tears threatening to spill out. You're not the only one standing, people around you follow suit and soon almost the entire hall is stood applauding, whistling and screaming.
Frank smiles at you, biting his lipring again, before walking offstage with his head down.
You're so proud of him.
The people file out of the hall, but you stay sat until the last minute, before walking to the small room to find Frank, Amber and Bert.
A few people push their way out of the door as you walk in, finding Amber sat in a chair and Bert leant against the wall with his head down.
"I'm getting a drink, see you guys outside." Bert announces, touching your elbow and kissing you on the cheek briefly before walking out of the door.
"Where's Frank ??" You ask Amber. She sits backwards in her chair, revealing Frank, huddled against Amber's chair with his back to the wall, knees pulled up to his chest and his face buried in his arms.
"Oh Frank.." You say softly, shaking your head and moving to sit with him.
"Bert had a go at him." Amber says, resting her hand on Frank's shoulder.
"Why ??" You question, kneeling opposite Frank and placing your hand on his knee.
"Because you were singing along.." Amber admits quietly, and Frank clenches his fists angrily, still hiding his face.
"For f**k sake." You mutter, making a move to stand up and go find Bert.
"Gerard stay here. We don't want any more arguments. I'll go find Emily and try and calm Bert down, you stay here with Frank. The last thing we want is you getting caught in the crossfire." Amber says, getting up and leaving the room, closing the door slightly behind her.
"Frankie, come on. Look at me."
"He said I couldn't talk to you anymore." Frank says, anger and pain tinting his voice.
"If he thinks that's gonna work he can f**k off, I live with you. Look up." You reply, trying your best to shake Frank into looking up.
"Now we match." Frank says, looking up to reveal a viscious bruise on his left cheek, it's bleeding slightly from a small cut.
"Frank why the f**k didn't you stop him ??"
"Because I deserved it for hitting you earlier." He rests his chin on his arms.
"No. You didn't. You don't deserve to be hit under any circumstances." You respond, placing yuor hand on Frank's arm. Your legs are starting to hurt from being knelt down so much, but you don't care..
"Where the f**k is my baby Frankie ??!!" Comes a voice from outside. You smile at Frank as Emily enters the room, swinging the chair around and sitting on it, facing Frank. "Let me see, come on."
Frank turns his head so Emily can see the injury, the anger on her face grows.
"And where is the motherf**ker so I can knock him out ??"
"Over by the drink's machine.." Amber replies.
"Don't, Emily. I'm fine." Frank replies, making a move to stand up, but deciding not to.
"You're not fine. You two look like you've been in a war or something. Frank punches Gerard, Bert punches Frank. Now all we need is Gerard to punch Bert and the circle's f**king complete. Don't give me that look, Gerard, I know you won't punch him."
"I will if he does it again." You respond, making a move to touch Frank's injury, making sure it's not too painful. Frank flinches. "Oh don't be such a baby." You respond, he sticks his tongue out at you.
"Give him here. Stupid question but does anyone have a plaster ??" Emily asks. You raise your hand slowly, producing the pink and black bat-covered plasters from your pocket.
"Gerard Way, walking medical center." Frank announces, smirking at you.
"You got disinfectant wipes in there, too ??" Emily asks hopefully, but laughing all the same.
Amber produces a pack of medical wipes from her bag and waves them infront of Emily's face.
"And together, we're a hospital. Me and Amber are the supplies, Emily's the doctor and Frank's the patient, because he's always either sick or injured." You smile as Frank punches you in the arm.
You walk hone in silence, the only audible noise is the cold, tired breathing of the shorter boy next to you. His hands are stuffed in the pockets of his Misfits hoodie, covering the leather jacket (which you made him zip up..)
You look to him to see him walking with his eyes screwed tightly shut. You don't blame him. Running your right hand through your hair, you replay the events of the night..
You're watching from the small contestant room, now, watching the school shuffle their way back into the hall for the announcement of the winners..
Frank, Bert and Brendon are up onstage, Frank wringing his hands and shaking, Bert standing, smirking at members of the crowd that he knows, Brendon just stood with his eyes closed.
Frank turns his head and the plaster on his face glimmers slightly where the spotlight catches it. He gives you a nervous smile.
You shake your head and smile back, before Bert catches your eye angrily. You smile awkwardly and wave at him. He just shakes his head..
You were in the poop now, you knew.
But you didn't care.
"Alright people, sit and chill." The announcer says, walking up onstage with a cordless microphone, this time, "I'm here to announce the winner."
You hold your breath, praying to god Brendon wins, to avoid the awkwardness.. But Frank needs this, much more than Bert's ego does..
"And the winner is...."
You can see Frank visibly shaking now. He's closed his eyes so tightly and his fists are closed around the fabric of his tshirt.
"Frank Iero !!" The announcer calls. You almost squeal in delight as the crowd cheers.
You momentarily lose care of what people think, and the next thing you know, you're on the stage, wrapped in Frank's arms and congratulating him, telling him he deserved it.
You smile and kick a stone. You're about halfway home now, seeing as Frank's taken you the long way..
You look to him now, he's got his eyes open and is looking at the floor. He smiles slightly as he notices you're back with it for the moment.
You walk out of the hall to an angry Bert waiting outside, swinging his dad's car keys. You knew he wasn't meant to drive, but you don't argue. He seems you coming, walking next to Frank and coughs pointedly.
"Infact, you can walk. Seeya." He huffs, turning to walk away down the path.
You walk out of the door with Frank, your head hung low. Emily and the others had left, you supposed, as they were nowhere to be seen. It was quite dark out already, it being around 8pm or so..
You look around and realise you, Frank and Bert are the only ones outside, save the goth kids, who were mingling on the school wall and smoking something that was definitely not tobacco. You see Amber amongst them and smile. She grins back.
You turn around to find Frank stopping you, his hand on your arm. You look where he's looking and see Bert leant against his car, staring at you.
You pull Frank's arm, signalling for him to keep walking, but Bert's already walking over.
"Frank, can I talk to you ??"
You grip tighter to Frank's arm, but he shakes you off.
"Sure." He replies, whispering to you "I'll be fine." before smiling and following Bert.
You stand, waiting nervously as they walk to Bert's car, stopping to speak.
You see Bert place his hand on Frank's shoulder as he moves closer to speak. You focus your eyes and realise he's not got his hand placed, he's grabbing Frank's hoodie.
He's not moving closer to talk in secret, he's threatening Frank.
You feel your eyes widen as Bert pushes Frank backwards. Frank trips and falls to the hard concrete.
You feel the slap of your shoes on the damp ground as you run over to them.
"Bert stop it !!" You scream as Bert moves to pick Frank up for another go.
"Why, you f**king him on the side ??" Bert says, too calmly, holding your gaze. You see now that there are slight tears in his eyes.
"No, Bert. For f**k sake. He's my best friend, now just leave him alone."
"Does a 'best friend'-" he uses finger-quotes for that part, "-Punch you in the face ??"
"A best friend knows where to punch you in the face." Frank adds quietly, leaning up on the floor now, still sat with one knee up and his arms holding his torso upright.
"What's that supposed to mean ??" Bert genuinely questions, looking from you to Frank and back again.
"He means he punched me where he knew it would hurt me least. Now for god's sake, Bert, go home. We'll talk tomorrow." You respond, gently nudging Bert towards his car, away from Frank.
"You cheered him on and not me.." Bert adds quietly, hurt evident in his usually cheery voice.
"Bert, he's my best friend and he was performing for the first time." You say, emphasizing the word 'first'. Bert had been up on stage countless times and cheered on by many people.
"Whatever. Go home, Gerard." Bert says, getting into his car and slamming the door.
You turn around and offer your hand out to Frank, who you pull off the floor with a bit of struggle.
You began walking home a while ago now, and Frank's just unlocking the door. He hasn't spoken the whole way.
"I'm gonna get changed." Frank says as you quietly shut the door. It's almost 10pm now, you always wondered how the 'long way' was so long.. It's almost like you walk through the whole of Jersey before getting home..
Home. You smile and shake your head as you close the door.
You should really try meeting up with Mikey tomorrow.
You lock the door behind you and head into the kitchen for coffee. It's become a routine now. You'll throw a cover over Frank before heading upstairs.
You flick the switch on the coffee pot.
You grab your phone from your pocket, opening the inbox, which is almost entirely full of "Frankie" and only a few texts from "Bert x".. You smile as you scroll through texts from Frank, stopping as you see some from a night out in which you both refused to talk out loud. That lasted around 10 minutes.
You grab the pot and pour your coffee, taking a few sips and breathing in the intoxicating smell.
You open a new message.
To: Bert x
Goodnight, hope you're not too mad.
You click send, not bothering to wait for a reply, because you know you wouldn't get one. You turn your phone off and slide it back into your pocket. A small light from the front garden catches your eye as you look up, you swear you see something dart from view, but shake your head.
"Darkness playing tricks with me." You mutter to yourself, grabbing what's left of your coffee and heading out into the living room.
You wonder where you'd have been this week without Emily. She'd been so much help and probably doesn't even realise it.. If she hadn't come over, you'd have been crying in the corner about how suckish your life is. true you'd never have kissed Bert, but you'd never had had the realisation to follow. Emily had led you into life lessons, and you had to remember to thank her for that. She'd brought you back to yourself, but not forcefully. She'd let you find your own way, make your own mistakes, but she was there to console you afterwards. Without her, there'd be a pile of limbs on the floor, and only a third of them would be yours. You smile as you think of how much she's done for you guys.
As you look up from the doorway, you realise something. The lump that's usually on the couch by now is missing. You squint around the room briefly before walking upstairs, sipping your coffee, you look confusedly to the bathroom door. It's open. The light is off.
You move over to Frank's bedroom door, pushing it open slightly so the light from the landing window shines a strip of glowing whiteness into the room.
The form of Frank, dressed in pyjama trousers and one of your tshirts, is curled up on the bed, the covers shoved and folded at the foot of the mattress.
You smile, moving into the room and shutting the door in silence. You change as quietly as possible, intent on not waking Frank up, for fear he'll realise he's here and leave.
You climb into bed behind Frank, pulling the covers over you both and wrapping an arm around him. You smile as he makes an incoherent noise, shuffling back into you and rubbing his face on the pillow.
You would say you forgot what it was like to hold Frank close to you like this, but of course you didn't. This feeling was one of the best feelings you could have, and you'd never forget it.
"it's cold." Frank mumbles angrily, still half asleep.
"I know, shh. It'll warm up." You mumble back, nuzzling the side of his head as he turns to face you, burying his head in your chest like he always used to.
"Thankyou for earlier." Frank mumbles, slowly fading out of consiousness again.
"Thankyou, too, Frankie." You smile, kissing the side of his head as he falls back to sleep.
You follow suit, happy to be back in bed, and not by yourself.
You open your eyes, not for the first time that night, to find the form still wrapped around you, his arms draped over you and his head resting above yours. You've woken up about five times this night already.
You turn backwards slightly to view the alarm clock.
You sigh, rolling back towards Gerard and breathing in his scent. Again, for the fifth time that night. You don't know why you keep waking up-
No. that's a lie. You know exactly why you keep waking up, but you don't want to admit it out loud.
You keep waking up because the feeling of guilt in the pit of your stomach is getting unbearable. You feel like you should throw up from it, or cry, or just do something. But you can do nothing but lie there, in the arms of the boy you're slowly falling in love with, the boy who's dating someone who is (or at least used to be) a really good friend.
But you feel a little selfish about it. The feeling of his arms wrapped around you feels amazing. You never want to give that up, even if it means getting Bert out of the pictu-
No, Frank. You think, Stop it.
You always do that. You get onto a horrible train of thought and try and stop yourself before it gets too far, just incase there's someone out there-
Or next to you..
-that can read your mind.
You debate moving. You really need to pee, but the sleeping form next to you, with his eyes rested shut and his mouth slightly parted.. You didn't want to wake him up.
You're lying to yourself again. Nobody's reading your mind, you can think what you want.
Fine, I don't want to get up incase he's gone when I get back. You admit. That's better.
Gerard mumbles slightly next to you, pursing his lips before resuming his previous state.
Oh god, you really need to pee.
You curse under your breath as you push back the covers and pull yourself away from Gerard's arms. You throw the covers back over him as he rolls onto his front, his arm stretching out to the side of him, bent up at the elbow, his mouth opening slightly wider.
You laugh under your breath as his hair hints at falling into his eyes.
You sneak out of the room as quietly as possible, not quite closing the door so a thin beam of light illuminates a small section of the sleeping boy's features, just under his eyes.
You walk across the landing, avoiding the floorboards that creak. You curse as you almost trip over your schoolbag, placed in the middle of the landing, for no apparent reason.
You close the bathroom door shut behind you, making your way over to the toilet, jumping at your cold hands before relieving yourself.
You finish up fairly quickly. Apparently you weren't as desperate as you thought, your bladder is just a wimp.
You do your pyjamas back up and move over to the sink, running the warm water at a low flow, so you don't wake anyone up.
You don't bother looking in the mirror. You hate looking in the mirror at night anyway.
You wash your hands quickly, turning off the taps before drying them on the hand towel, which drops to the floor. You don't bother picking it up.
You walk out onto the landing, sitting down at the top of the stairs with your elbows on your knees.
You stand decisively, in serious need of a cigarette. You lean through your bedroom door enough to grab the pack of Marlboro Reds you've been saving for times like this.
You walk back down the stairs, placing one of the so-called 'cancer-sticks' in your mouth.
You unlock the back door and leave it open, sitting on the concrete step outside and flicking your lighter. You become frustrated as it refuses to light and eventually give up, throwing the lighter back indoors and sitting in the cold winter air with the unlit relaxation dangling from your mouth.
"Lemme get that for you." you look up towards the door as Gerard leans out, holding onto the doorframe with one hand and holding a lighter in the other, which he lights swiftly. You look to the lighter briefly to see that it's the one you threw down inside. Gerard managed to light it. You smile.
"Thanks." You smile, inhaling the intoxicating smoke in relief, breathing it out and making the most sexual noise you've made since.. well.. the last time you smoked. You see Gerard smirk out of the corner of your eye.
"You want one ??" You offer, seeing Gerard's empty hands.
"You sure ??" Gerard asks, seeing the four cigarettes you have left and giving you this concerned puppydog look.
God, you want a dog.
"Yeah, seriously, go for it." You say, handing Gerard a cigarette. his hands don't move, as you automatically place the stick between his lips rather than into his hands. You pick up the lighter and light it for him, shielding the flame from the wind as you do so.
"Works when I'm lighting yours.." You grumble as you see the flame burst into life.
Gerard laughs, billowing smoke and narrowly avoiding a coughing fit. He calms down and rolls his cigarette to the opposite side of his mouth, his left side, so he could speak. You smile.
"That's 'cause I'm f**king magical. You wanna go for a walk or something ??"
You look out into the black night. It has to be about 1am now, and the wind is picking up. The clouds are tinted a dark greeny colour, which means either serious pollution, or snow.
"Hell yes." You reach through the door and pull on your Vans slip-ons, and look down to see Gerard already wearing his black trainers.
You both stand, pulling your sleeves as far down the upper half of your arm as you can.
"Frank." You turn, to see Gerard holding out your Misfits hoodie, the one he bought you. You take it gratefully, pulling it over your head (narrowly avoiding the cigarette still in your mouth) and pulling the sleeves over your hands as far as they'll go.
Gerard zips up his Iron Maiden hoodie and closes the door, making sure to grab the key and re-lock it before putting it in his pocket.
You set off down the alleyways of New Jersey. The only sound evident is the occasional crunch of late-falling leaves and the tap-tap-tap of your shoes on the concrete.
You reach the end of the alleyway, your cigarette is burning out, so you drop it to the concrete, extinguishing it with your shoe as Gerard does the same with his. You look up at Gerard. He nods, so you start heading back, infront of all the houses this time, passing the Way house first. You see Gerard look briefly at the door, and up at Mikey's room, where he's most likely asleep.
Nothing is said, because nothing needs to be said.
But something needs to be done.
As you reach the front of your house, you look at Gerard. He looks back at you and smiles. Nothing is said as you take his right hand in both of yours, examining the thin lines running along the back of it, before you turn his hand over and trace along the palm. You look up slightly to see Gerard watching your hands trace along his.
You run your hand up his arm, pushing back the fabric of his hoodie to reveal the long stripe, a slightly brighter shade of white than his skin, running along it. You run your fingers up and down the scar.
"Frankie, I didn't-"
You look up to meet his eyes. You're trying to say everything you need to say to him.
I know you didn't do this. I know what happened.
I know you'd never hurt yourself.
You mean the world to me.
He seems to understand, as he moves nervously closer to you, moving his left hand up to rest on the space between your shoulder and neck.
"You're a really good singer, Frankie." He says, almost in a whisper, he catches your eyes, thr bright hazel of his irises are caught in the light of the moon and a nearby streetlight.
The light is close enough to give off some power, but not close enough to illuminate the two of you, stood in your dark front garden, Gerard's left hand still on your neck, his right slowly making it's way to your side as your left slides up onto his shoulder.
Your right hand, as you try and find it, is already on his hip.
You have no idea what you're doing.
You have no idea why you're both so nervous about it.
Gerard's closer now. His breath is warm on your cheek. You part your lips and your breath almost hitches as you feel Gerard's cheek brush your own as you move your head.
You almost collapse as your lips find Gerard's, his right hand moves to your hip to move you closer as his left cups your jaw.
You realise why you were so nervous.
You're not drunk, it's not rushed, it's not desperate or jokey.
You pull apart from the first, long kiss and find yourselves returning for more, each kiss becoming deeper and more meaningful.
You move your right hand to rest on the back of Gerard's neck to tangle in his hair. And this is why you liked it long....
You find yourself making desperate noises into the kiss and Gerard laughs slightly, pulling you closer and wrapping his whole arm around your waist.
You stand on your tiptoes as you continue to kiss him.
"Shortass." Gerard mumbles inbetween kisses, smirking.
"f**k you." You smile, moving your other arm up to rest around the back of Gerard's neck.
You feel Gerard tug your lipring lightly and almost squeal, hating yourself instantly afterwards.
"That's what I thought." He smirks.
"Just shut up."
You part your lips as Gerard's tongue finds yours. You've never really understood what's so appealing about making out, but-
Oh god that felt good.
Gerard continues kissing as he releases the tension he just placed, from pulling you even closer to him.
You ignore the familiar feeling of redirected blood. You knew that wasn't going to happen tonight and were glad of it. Much more of this and your brain would implode with joy anyway.
You both pull away, standing with your foreheads together in the cold December air.
Nothing is said. Because nothing needs to be said.
For a split second, you think you see something in the hedges. But you don't care now.
A/N. Love me again ??
I never stopped loving you :')
Lmao, awesome updates
But dude, What the he'll is in those damn hedges D:
Guess I'll wait :LL
Can't wait til the next xD
GET RID OF BERT
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