The True To Life Abominations

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by XxPatchie97xX, Nov 7, 2012.

  1. XxPatchie97xX

    XxPatchie97xX Member

    The True To Life Abominations
    Rating: Let's say 15 to be safe...
    Characters: Mikey, Gerard, Ray, Frank
    Summary: Mikey says that this story is way better when you click on it. Frank says it's about surviving in an outcast world with nothing but a way to weasel out of things. Gerard says "Whatever. There's no way I'm writing this." and Ray wonders why the hell everyone is using the word "way" and not mentioning that this is mainly about superheroes.
    Genres: Humor (hopefully)/Adventure/Superheroic


    Index of Exploits:

    Prologue: page 1
    Rules on How to Live a Normal Life: page 1

    *********************************************************


    proLOGUE! (supposed to be singsongy)
    Words/Jokes/Quotes We Live By:

    Heads I win, tails you lose. (Mikey)

    Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. (Mikey)

    Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. (Frank)

    There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. (Mikey)

    When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car. (Gerard)

    Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling. (Ray)

    Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil. (Ray)

    Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery. (Gerard)

    Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. (Frank)

    Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. (Gerard)

    After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles." (Ray)

    "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." -George W. Bush (Mikey)

    Total Count-Up
    Mikey – 4
    Ray – 3
    Gerard – 3
    Frank – 2

    Mikey would like to say to his friends, “Suckers, I found more jokes then you.”
    Gerard would like to say to his brother, “Stop being a douche. We’re in a story.”
    Ray would like to say to all, “I feel like complaining about our nations past presidents.”
    Frank would like to say to anyone, “This prologue says nothing about the actual writing. It’s just Mikey being very creative, but extremely unintelligent.”


    ********************************************************

    Short and ridonkulous.

    Concerns? Well, too bad! Shove it!

    Naw, I'm just kidding.

    I'm making my comeback...slowly.
     
  2. kadoodle

    kadoodle crazy cat lady Staff Member

    Mmmkay.... Where is this going? Don't forget your chapter index BTW.
     
  3. XxPatchie97xX

    XxPatchie97xX Member

    Rules on How to Live a Normal Life

    Hey-ho, kadoodle. Awesome name, by the way.

    To be honest, I am completely unaware where this is going...stick around? I don't really write that much and I felt like it so here they are. In superhero form.

    *******************************************************


    “Rules on How to Live a Normal Life”
    December 9th, 2010 at 7:56AM
    By Michael James Way (a.k.a “Mikey” or "That kid with the glasses")


    -Keep a diary (All the kids are doing it these days, c’mon, don’t you want to be a robot?)

    -Sing in the shower (Yes, that’s right. The best of us do this and aren’t afraid to admit it)

    -Enjoy your new lunchbox (Don’t ask, just do)

    -Beg your mother to drive you to school. (When I say beg, I mean get down on your knees, even offer to
    wash the dishes. That’s how enthusiastic you should be)

    -Bring your estranged brother (or sister) who wears eyeliner (or guyliner) along. (It’ll be a blast when you show them off like a new toy at Show & Tell, especially when they recite satanic rituals and tell you all that you’re going to Hell)

    -Enjoy my story! (You lucky ------------- * This has been censored.)

    (The Actual Story, Keep in Mind, My Brother is the Writer, Not Me)

    It would have been a normal day. Just like any other day, in fact. If…I weren’t being driven to school by my excited mother and my abnormal brother. A new school. My mom, with her face folding into wrinkles from smiling. My brother sat shotgun and layered on eyeliner. Again. And again. His hair made me nauseous because he just had to choose neon green for Monday. He would have been just a normal teenager if he didn’t insist on buying a cheap new hair color every day. Fridays were always deep blue for some odd reason. Maybe it was to show that he was depressed about the weekend coming up because he never had any friends…My mom, poor soul, didn’t understand that on the first day of middle school, I would most likely be called ‘Momma’s boy’ if she drove me and my brother to school. But no, she just had to drive us.

    “Mom, I think it would be best if you just let me and Gerard out right now,” Impatiently, I tapped my foot and waited for the car to stop speeding down New Jersey. It didn’t. Gerard pursed his lips and pulled his hair back, taking a look at himself. Sometimes, I swear I see the inner girl emerging from Gerard.

    “What, Mikey? You afraid of getting beaten up or tripped on the way up the big and powerful Middle School?” Gerard asked, never taking his eyes off of himself, the self-centered bastard. It killed me how cool he could be about all this. He was always so neutral about everything, unless, of course you were having an argument on which D&D miniature was the best model or which super-hero could beat up the other. But today, there was something a little off about his mood. I took off my glasses and stared hard at the back of his head.

    “Gerard…you’re scared…scared of…socks?” I started to get the words, but then he turned around and covered his head with his hat.

    “f**ker!” He shouted, reaching back to grab my arm. Luckily, mom glared at him and started to lecture him about his language and being nice to his brother (me) because he only has one (me) brother. “Mom, tell him that he can’t use his freak-ability on me,” Gerard stated as I put my glasses back on. “Or I’ll tell a nasty story about him,” Oh, jeez, forgot to tell you; my brother and I are freaks of nature. I can see what people fear or hate or love or whatever depending on the letters/colors/images I see in the back of their head. My brother is a little different. He writes these stories on his skin that magically (and somewhat impossibly) become true. It’s actually quite impressive. It makes me jealous and terrified. So, reason #3 why we are so weird.

    Once we finally reach the gates, I make a beeline for the car door, rushing my words so they sound jumbled up and something like ‘Biome ill okay?’ when I meant to say; ‘Bye, mom. I love you,’. My brother just climbed from the car, grinning at me and heading off to his High School (which was on the other side of the street, so no one saw mom drop him off). I groaned and walked with my head down to the school doors. Then, I hear the voice I dread.

    “Wait! Mikey, sweetie, you forgot your lunch!” My face heats up as a group of Jerk Jocks laugh. Dammit, mom! Did you not hear a word I just said in the car?! I walk back and grab my black, cartoony lunch box that I begged mom to buy. I’m maybe rethinking that seeing as it is Hellboy and I’ve already had the ol’ ‘mom calls me sweetie in front of Jerk Jocks.’ I grimace and walk back up to the school doors. Now it’s like a chain reaction of laughs coming from everyone. The Bipolar Bitches, the Jerk Jocks, the Petty Preps, the Stupid Stoners, the Manic Meatheads, everyone. Well, except the Conformist Castaways, because, of course, they were non-conformists together.

    Dios mios. Asi, mierda.

    So, in conclusion, yeah. School is f**king awesome. See my happy face? No? Well that's 'cause I'm lying to you! School blows!
     
  4. kadoodle

    kadoodle crazy cat lady Staff Member

    You need to add a chapter index within 24 hours or your fic will be locked.
     

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