Discussion post your boy/girl problems here!!

Discussion in 'General Off Topic' started by MCRaddiction, Nov 14, 2006.

  1. Thumbelina

    Thumbelina Administrator Staff Member

    ^Tbh, I would leave it. Probably not the answer you want, but I wouldn't do anything while he has a girlfriend.
     
  2. xokay_nowx

    xokay_nowx Become, become, become

    Not looking for an answer to this, but I think the guy I like might be gay and I'm afraid to find out for sure. xD
    I haven't liked anyone I actually knew in real life this much in at least three years, looking forward to seeing him tonight asdfghjkl;.
     
  3. _Blackheart_

    _Blackheart_ Guest

    I seem to be here quite a lot thesedays, but somethings always going wrong around here and i find myself with another problem..So here goes..

    As everyone here now probably knows my fiance helped his lesbian friends have a baby, but thats not relevent anymore!!, a few weekends ago he went to visit for a few hours as they'd invited him down for a few beers and some of their friends we're there, so it was a pretty long night, a few beers and a free tattoo (jealous, much!:()..he returned home!

    We we're getting into bed that night, when he announced he wanted to talk to me..I thought he was drunk so i shrugged it off, and then thought it'd be something really wrong..I turned to him only for him to announce 'They want another baby'..I dunno why, but my heart just sunk at those words..I wanted to grab the nearest object and cry into it!, i really cant bare feeling the way i did again as when they we're pregnant with their first child i had such a major breakdown and turned into somewhat of a recluse..When they came around id make excuses to get away from them or just avoid being in the same room..It really messed with me, when they had get togethers id find myself saying i didn't want to go!, i guess its my own fault as my fiance hit the nail on the head with how i was feeling each time, but i just couldn't talk to him about it, so for over a year ive kept everything bottled up! and the only thing that kept me sane through all of this is getting pregnant with my son around a month before they gave birth.

    I really dont think i have the strength to go through all those mixed and messed up feelings again, as possessive as this may sound..But i should be the only one having his babies and no one else..I think i was pretty reasonable last time i let them do this, when they conceived last time id not long gone through a miscarriage! I understand their need to have kids, its nice as they make good parents, but why must they choose my fiance?

    All i can say at the moment is i'd think about it, but really i just want to say no!, but i dont want to cause world war 3 when i eventually do tell my fiance, its just finding the right time!

    Im in such a mess!!:unsure:
     
  4. CyanideSavorior

    CyanideSavorior New Member

    The boys I see dont seem to take intrest in me:(
     
  5. Lenore

    Lenore Inked and Sexy Staff Member

    So my granddad is going to perform euthanasia, and his funeral will probably be in 2/3 weeks or so. I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to go to the funeral with me. He replied with "You know how people dislike funerals? Yeah, I dislike it even more". I'm afraid he'll get angry when I ask him again, but I want him to know I want him there for me, not my granddad (how harsh that may sound). What should I say to him?
     
  6. Thumbelina

    Thumbelina Administrator Staff Member

    ^I think you should just say that. Sit down with him and say that you know/understand he doesn't like funerals, but it would mean a lot if he could be there for you (and let's be honest, probably going to be harder for you/you're probably going to like it less than he does, right?). I mean, I don't think getting angry is the way to go, but I'd be pissed if he said that to me. It's not about him. It's about him stepping up as your boyfriend and being there for you at a really difficult time.
     
  7. Lenore

    Lenore Inked and Sexy Staff Member

    Thank you, Jules. He'll join me to the funeral. :)
     
  8. Seraphim

    Seraphim Active Member

    So lately the relationship between my boyfriend and his best friend has been starting to bother me.
    She is an extremely attractive girl; like literally every time she posts a photo on FB, what little self esteem I do have evaporates on the spot.
    I've never had a problem with their friendship before and I get along with her pretty well, so I feel terrible about saying this...
    I understand they've been friends for a long time and that they're really close and everything, and that's fine... but there's these little things I've been noticing that I feel cross the line a bit; like at a party a few months back she wanted to show him something and she grabbed his hand and they ran off holding hands together... and on NYE they were talking on the couch together with a basket over their heads and their faces were inches away while they talked.
    I hate to admit it, but it just made me feel really uneasy.
    I mean if it was any other girl, I wouldn't be very impressed but I feel like I have to make exceptions for her because otherwise I just come across as a jealous witch.
    And I admit probably wouldn't feel so threatened if she wasn't so insanely beautiful.
    I've talked to other people about it, and they all think the idea of the two of them ever being more than friends is ridiculous... but idk.
    I think sometimes they sort of forget where the line is between behaving like friends and acting like something more.

    I guess what I want to know is, is the way I feel completely unreasonable?
    I want to say something to him, but I don't know if it's possible without sounding like a crazy, jealous witch. :(
     
  9. Thumbelina

    Thumbelina Administrator Staff Member

    I think you can say what you've said here to him. I don't think it's unreasonable, because you aren't acting crazily jealous or anything like that; you're just a bit uneasy about certain things and it's ok to be. And you can ask him to maybe just be a bit more aware himself or what they're like together. I mean, be prepared for him to be all like "Yeah, but we're just friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! blah blah blah" but I think it's worth bringing up if it's bothering you.

    I can see where you're coming from, and I can also see that, from their point of view, because they know there's nothing between them, they can act like that and it doesn't matter, y'know? So yeah, I think you just need to be honest about it and I think you will both need to accept some level of compromise.
     
  10. Dust Angel

    Dust Angel Unloveable. Staff Member

    I hope I wasn't too preachy/intrusive in saying any of this!

    ^ My last official relationship was put to an end when my boyfriend couldn't handle the fact that I was so close with my best guy friend. I'm not saying your relationship holds the same fate, but perhaps just keep in mind that people have history, and more importantly, they rely on one another for things they may not be able to rely on anyone else for, and that doesn't necessarily change just because either of them are in a romantic relationship with someone else.

    That being said, you have every right to make sure nothing is going on before washing your hands of it. Be alert, just not to the point where it might interfere with what you have with your boyfriend. I really regret not having a direct "talk" with my ex (while he was still my boyfriend) about how I was just friends with the guy he was jealous of. Nothing romantic was going on, but it took him months to believe that, post-breakup, because of how sour things became.

    Good luck <3
     
  11. BrittMCR

    BrittMCR Active Member

    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four and a half year now, but in October last year I had this 'one night stand' with a girl (let's call her 'K') from my class. We agreed to stay just friends because we both didn't want to give up our relationship. Everything went fine after that, it wasn't awkward or anything and nothing happened anymore.
    But now her girlfriend has changed classes and now she's in our class for the next semester. This means that K, her girlfriend and I are practically always together. I hate to admit it, but seeing the two of them together makes me jealous... K could've been mine.
    I also feel really uncomfortable around her girlfriend because I told my boyfriend everything, but K didn't. I know what happened between us but her girlfriend doesn't have a clue. I used to see her girlfriend only now and then, but now that she changed classes she's always around. I'm afraid she'll notice something's wrong

    /just needed to get that off my chest
     
  12. Mattie990

    Mattie990 New Member

    advice

    hi guys sorry to drop this on you but i need help

    I've been in a relationship for nearly two years now and well it was suggested that we try an open relationship as long as we were honest with each other about everything

    Yet everytime i ask her if anything is going on she'll hide it, or close the pc screen down, i am in need of advice please help as i don't wanna lose her cause she's my world :(
     
  13. Miz Erie

    Miz Erie Black Mariah Staff Member

    There is actually a Post Your Boy/Girl Problems Here thread.

    I've tried an open relationship; in my opinion, it never really works out well. It can work, but it's REALLY hard and never problem free.
     
  14. kadoodle

    kadoodle crazy cat lady Staff Member

    Open relationships are a world of hurt. It's fine if you're on the rebound and both of you just want some casual sex and someone for "and partner" stuff, but when your heart gets involved it's just not going to work.
     
  15. rubidoux.

    rubidoux. princess

    ^Not necessarily. As long as you can combat the jealousy, it can absolutely work.
    My advice is to talk to her, and tell her that these weren't the agreed upon terms, and it's not fair for her to hide things while you're being honest.
     
  16. xokay_nowx

    xokay_nowx Become, become, become

    Well I've met someone amazing, and yesterday he asked me out for a date next Saturday; I said yes of course. Problem is, to make a long story short, our mutual friend also apparently liked me and thought he was somehow pursuing me for the past few months when I really thought we were just friends. I never felt any attraction to this other guy; let's call him Sean. Well Sean asked me out Tuesday and I said "I think we should stay just friends"; of course that was awkward but it went about as well as it could have. He seemed to take it well. For the past few days I did feel he was avoiding me and being a bit of a hermit from our whole group of friends at college, but he seems to be improving and planning a group get together for today, a good sign.

    So I feel terrible about the fact that just as things are getting back to normal with Sean, somehow the news is going to get to him now "Oh by the way, Megan rejected you but she's going out with your friend now." I don't think there's much I can do to make it any better. I've thought about the whole situation and I honestly don't think I led Sean on; sure we were friends but I don't think I showed more interest than that. If he thinks I did, well things can be misinterpreted I guess but I didn't do any blatant, heavy flirting.
    So I just think Sean needs to know what's going on between me and Doug so it's not like we're keeping secrets from him. I just don't know what to do. I asked Doug, the guy I'm going to go out with, about it last night and he said something like "ah I'm going to talk to him probably... but I'm kind of scared." I did consider the fact I was f**king up our whole group of friends by dating Doug, but I'm really crazy about him, have been for months, and just can't not take the risk. :/ he must like me too if he's willing to take that risk too; I'm a freshman but they're sophomores been friends for almost two years.

    I do think it's kind of more of an issue between the two of them because at one point (I heard this from another friend) Doug told Sean he was planning on asking me out and Sean said he couldn't because he wanted me first or whatever. :/ so it's really Doug breaking his bros before hos loyalty and I'm secondary to it but still feel bad.

    Anyway. What would you do? Obviously I'm kind of burning a bridge with Sean but I want to minimize the damage any way I can. :( should I just tell him Doug asked me out and I said yes? Say what/do what? Feel bad about this.

    Sorry for the length tried not to ramble.
     
  17. Thumbelina

    Thumbelina Administrator Staff Member

    Mmm, I think I would say that if you see Sean, then tell him, if you don't, then don't; leave it to Doug or leave him to find out any other way. I mean, really, Doug should be the one to tell him, but I know why you feel you want him to know etc. I would try to bring it up casually, like, 'oh by the way, you should probably know Doug asked me out...' because you ARE just friends and you need to try and reinforce that, so by making it a big, sit down, serious conversation, you're like, implicitly referencing the awkwardness between you?

    What I would do is just act like it's not a big deal and eventually, it won't be. But then again, what I would do is not necessarily always the best course of action x)
     
  18. xokay_nowx

    xokay_nowx Become, become, become

    Yeah we're trying not to make it a big deal because like you said it shouldn't be since it's not like Sean and I were together; I'm not cheating on him or leaving him. If he thought I was "his" that's his misconception.
    I doubt I'd have a casual chance come up to tell Sean because these days I rarely see him alone, only at group events and lunches.
    Doug and his best friend are still planning to talk to him but Sean has been avoiding us and making everything awkward since I turned him down and I think he probably already knows on some level; Doug and I sat together when the group went out Sunday night, flirting etc.

    That's alright thanks for advice. Honestly when I first heard from Doug's best friend that Sean wanted to ask me out I was really worried about how he'd feel about being rejected 'cause that can feel terrible... but since then he's shown total indifference to me and I'm starting to feel quite hurt that apparently if I'm not a potential girlfriend to him then I'm useless and disposable. Oh well better to find this out now than if I'd actually been in a relationship with him. But he's very two-faced and it scares me that you can't really trust anyone, I mean I thought this was like my best friend. :/
     
  19. Dust Angel

    Dust Angel Unloveable. Staff Member

    My best friend and I have recently decided to give it another try (we dated briefly back in September), and he wants to avoid the mistakes we made originally by taking things as slowly as possible, not putting a pressure-filled label on the relationship, etc. I feel like things are going really well, and we have a lot of history that we're trying not to let ruin anything, (for example, we have a mutual friend I used to be involved with, and things went terribly south when all of that ended, so I'm afraid that there's some lingering jealousy on his part and I hope that it doesn't surface and cause problems in the future) so I'm hoping things will work out... but basically I guess I'm just wondering if I should be worried that he doesn't want to officiate it until I move to his town in the fall for college? I seriously doubt that he has anyone else in mind he's saving himself for, it's probably just the "distance" (30 minutes), but, should I press something like this just to see if he's as serious as I am? Might be a dumb question, I really can't even tell these days ^^
     
  20. Thumbelina

    Thumbelina Administrator Staff Member

    ^I'd say no, don't worry, because that seems sensible, and also, is pretty much exactly what I'd say/do, but as I said before, what I would do is not necessarily the best thing to do x)
     

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