Oh Baby Let Me In (Original Fiction)

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Ridea, Aug 19, 2011.

  1. Ridea

    Ridea New Member

    Welcome to an original piece of fiction I'm working on for fun. I just wanted to share it and hopefully get some feedback. Hope you like it! :)

    Title: Oh Baby Let Me In
    Rating: 18+ (warnings for swearing, possible violence and sex. We'll see where it goes.)
    Disclaimer: This story is one of fiction. Any relation to real people or events is coincidence. I have no contact with any of the bands seen in this story.
    Main Characters: OCs including Michelle, Alex, Kelly (aka Kels), Mark and Abby
    Genre: Drama, romance and humour.
    Summary: Michelle wasn't sure when her life got this complicated. She usually avoided drama and that was all that came with the two men entering her life. One thing she did know is that it all started with a concert....

    Chapter Index:
    Chapter One - Page One
    Chapter Two - Page One
    Chapter Three - Page One
  2. Ridea

    Ridea New Member

    Chapter One

    She was leaning against the guardrails separating part of the sidewalk from the rest and looking towards the sky. For a moment he didn't recognize her. It wasn't surprising. She still had dark hair only it was longer than he remembered. Brown eyes were rimmed in kohl and smoke was exhaled through shiny pink lips. He didn't know she smoked. Hell, he hadn't seen her in years but he didn't expect her to change that much. He sure didn't. Still, there she was standing there in jeans, black sneakers and a white and pink strapless top. She used to wear big baggy black shirts in high school and now...well she looked good. And, he suddenly noticed, looking right at him with a pierced eyebrow raised. That was new. He must look like an idiot just standing and staring. The thought jolted through him and he moved suddenly, shoving his hands in his pockets and smiling at her. He was pretty certain she'd force a half smile and look for an escape or distraction like she always did. He was pleasantly surprised when she smiled back.
    She was still staring at him as she brought the cigarette to her lips. She looked like she was suppressing a grin. He took his chances.
    "Hey," he nodded at her. He wondered if he sounded as stupid as he felt. He had so much confidence in high school when it was her who shied away. When had he lost that?
    "Hey," she said, her voice was the same. Of course it was the same, he berated himself, it’s not like he knew her before puberty.
    "How's...how's it going?" He watched her exhale and even though he wasn't much a fan of smoking, it was damn sexy with her. God, he thought he got over that crush. She grinned this time though. It didn't help.
    "Good, how are you?"
    "Good," he echoed. Now what? f**k, he was supposed to be better at this. Any other girl and he'd be able to flirt, let alone speak. Not her though. "Haven't seen you in awhile...what's been going on?" He moved closer, finally, and stood slightly across from her. This had to be the longest conversation they'd ever had...and that was pathetic.
    "Work mostly," she shrugged. "Went to school, travelled a bit and now I'm waiting for Kelly to show up so I can convince her to come to a concert with me." He tried to figure out if that was supposed to be a hint but she had never been the type to hint...or flirt, or talk to anyone who wasn't in her small group of friends. She was looking at him like she was expecting something though.
    "Huh?" so much for eloquence. She smirked.
    "How about you?"
    "Me?" It took him a second before he figured it out. "Me, I'm good. Working. Went to school out of town...it was fun, but I'm glad to be back." He smiled, "you look good though."
    "Thanks," she frowned a bit. "You...don't look that much different to be honest." He shrugged. It was true. He was currently dressed in a polo shirt and jeans. It wasn’t much of a stretch from what he wore in high school. He tried to think up another topic when she frowned suddenly and looked past him. “Finally,” she snapped. “What happened, you take a detour through the other side of town?” He looked behind him to see a short blond girl walking towards them. He remembered her too. Not her name, but her face and the fact that she was a friend.
    “No, but you’re the one who insists on being early when you know me.” The blond looked at him questioningly but smiled none the less. He nodded and said “hey.”
    “Silly me for being on time.” She dropped the cigarette and dug it into the ground with her foot. She took a deep breath before speaking again. “So…are you coming to the concert?”
    “No.” The blond girl said simply. He suddenly realised that this must be the 'Kelly' she was waiting for.
    “But why?” She whined. They seemed to have forgotten him. Great. His longest conversation ever with the girl and it’s over before he can stop it.
    “Because Michelle, I have no desire to go into the mosh pit and be trampled and I know that’s what you have tickets for! You knew that even before buying the tickets.” Kelly glared at the other girl who shrugged. “You’ll have to find someone else.”
    “I’ll go,” he surprised himself by speaking. The girls turned to look at him. Kelly seemed to grin where as Michelle looked dubious.
    “You’ll go?” she asked slowly. “Do you even know My Chemical Romance?”
    “No,” he answered honestly. He wouldn’t let that stop him though. “First time for everything though, right?” They stared at him blankly until Kelly spoke.
    “There! See, he can have my ticket.” Her grin seemed more mischievous than anything. “Do you have a cell phone?” He handed it over to her and watched as she entered in a number. “Now you have Michelle’s number. The concert’s on the 18th so I’d call before the. Make arrangements and all.” She turned to Michelle. “Ready?”
    “What?” She looked confused. “Wait!” she demanded as she held up her hands to stop them from talking. She looked at him. “Look up the band first. Listen to some of the music then let me know if you’re still interested. Do it soon because I’ll need to know if I have to get rid of that ticket as well as the other one I have. Okay?”
    He grinned at her. “Sure.”
    “Okay,” she nodded before looking around. “What time is it?” He checked his phone.
    “Quarter to three?” He watched as her eyes widened and she glared at Kelly.
    “We got to go!” She grabbed Kelly's arm before pulling them away.
    “Bye Alex,” Kelly called back and Michelle stopped before she got too far, turned and waved. She let go of Kelly and they walked away. He grinned. He had her number. That was new too. He looked at his phone and called Frank.
    “Hey,” he said as his friend picked up. “Ever hear of a band called My Chemical Romance?”
  3. Headshot.

    Headshot. New Member

    Hmm... I like this! I wanna see show he reacts to their music, & I like the way this is written- it flows very nicely. :)
  4. Ridea

    Ridea New Member

    Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying it so far.
    This chapter is a bit shorter, but it's mostly a filler before everyone meets. Enjoy!

    Chapter Two

    She stared at the computer in shock. When she had sent out word that she had an extra ticket to My Chemical Romance, she wasn’t sure who would respond but hoped for the best. After all, she needed some kind of back up if she was going to spend the night with Alex…at a concert that she really just couldn’t picture him at. Hmm…she was going to have to convince him to not wear a polo shirt. Maybe something darker so he wouldn’t stand out as much. She forced herself back to the task at hand. She had finally been contacted about the tickets…only it was by Victoria. She couldn’t stand Victoria. They had been acquaintances throughout high school, sharing mutual friends. While she originally didn’t care for the high pitched ditz that she thought Victoria was, it cemented itself when they had a conversation without others near by and Victoria proved herself to be smart. She faked the high pitch and the ditziness for others. That bothered Michelle more than anything.
    It turned out though that Victoria had spoken to Abby…her other best friend who took off across Canada without warning when she was supposed to attend the concert. Abby had told her about the show and while she would have loved to go, Victoria found the perfect person…who had agreed to come and pay for the ticket. The catch was that it was Mark Hutcherson. A year older, the taller man was the dreamboat in high school with dark hair and blue eyes. He was also in a band. The other girls fantasized about him. Michelle stayed the hell away. She didn’t need the drama he would bring in her life…especially since she heard the rumours of him cheating on his girlfriend. None the less, Victoria was waiting for a response as to what to tell him and where and when they should meet. If the concert wasn’t in a week and she had better prospects, she’d have said no. Decisions, decisions. With that thought, her phone rang.
    “Hey, uh…Michelle?” the voice sounded familiar.
    “It’s Alex. How’s it going?” Ah, it was him. She remembered the first time she heard he had a crush on her. She burst out laughing and that was apparently enough to confirm for others that she had a crush on him. That was in grade eight. The fact that she didn’t know how to act around him after that led her to avoiding him and his friends. She stayed in her circle of friends and was glad for it. Apparently, life had other ideas.
    “Uh…good. What’s up?”
    “I’m calling about the concert.” Here it was. The fact he heard the music and decided there was no way in hell he was going. “I checked out the music. It was…interesting. I want to go.” She paused, unsure if she heard right.
    “I want to go.”
    “Oh, uh…okay.” Now what? She had been thinking about this hadn’t she? Didn’t Kelly and her have a conversation about this after they had left him? Kelly thought it was hilarious and she was pretty sure it was going to pass. “Um, quick question. Do you have any…clothes that would suit the concert more?” That sounded worse than she intended. “What I mean is that…I think it’d be better if you didn’t show up in…well, preppy clothes. Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” she added quickly. “You just might feel less awkward.”
    “Oh, um...no I don’t.” This was going to be a problem. “I can pick something up though.” She thought about what he might come up with and grimaced.
    “Actually,” she said quickly, “are you free this Saturday? Say…one o’clock?”
    “Let me check.” There was some shuffling in the background before he spoke again. “Yeah, I’m free.”
    “Awesome, I’ll see if the person who wants the other ticket wants to join us. Maybe if we all get together before hand it’ll be less awkward the day of the concert.”
    “Alright, where did you want to meet?”
    “Um…” she thought quickly of the stores in the area that she knew would suit what she was looking for. “Corner of Jameson and Pine. Wait outside the bank.”
    “Cool,” she thought she could hear the grin in his voice. “Wait…who else is coming?”
    “Um…Mark Hutcherson. Maybe.”
    “Yeah,” she replied without thinking. “Anyways, I got to go. See you then.”
    “Yeah, see you.” She hung up and stared at the computer again. She really had to start thinking before she spoke. She wrote a quick message to Victoria saying that if Mark was interested, he could meet her on Saturday at one. She sent the message and took a deep breath. What the hell did she just get herself into?
  5. Headshot.

    Headshot. New Member

    I really do like this. I like how the ticket is the plot device. Mark better not go. Alex seems really sweet, and the whole polo-shirt thing sounds exactly like the conversation I had with my boyfriend before we went to the MCR concert a few weeks ago... xD

    And... WHY ARE THERE NO OTHER COMMENTERS?! This is a good fic!
  6. Ridea

    Ridea New Member

    I'm really glad you like it so far. :D
    Yeah, there's definitely going to be some interesting stuff happening. The next chapter will be up soon. Thanks for the reply! :D
  7. Headshot.

    Headshot. New Member

    YAAAAY! And- no problem! You deserve it. And I shall post this small blurb so you can add the next chapter without double posting. :)
  8. Ridea

    Ridea New Member

    This one's for you Headshot.

    Chapter Three

    He stood waiting at the corner for her. He was a few minutes early, but he figured from the bits of conversation he caught between her and Kelly, she’d appreciate that more than him being late. He wasn’t on the corner for long before he realised he wasn’t alone. It took him a second before he recognized the man leaning on the wall of the bank. Hutcherson looked similar to how he did in highschool. His hair was still cut short and his outfit consisted of jeans and a band shirt. He wondered if Michelle had bene the only one to really change…and what that said about the rest of them. He nodded towards Hutcherson and was saved from saying anything when a car pulled up in front of them. He didn’t recognize the kid in the passenger seat, but the window rolled down and he could see Michelle’s face leaning over from the drivers side.
    “Oi! You two, get in. We got places to be and people to see!” The kid unlocked the back door and Hutcherson shrugged before moving towards the car. He walked to the other side and got in. Once they were both in, she drove off. “Seatbelts everyone.” He caught her look in the rearview mirror and smiled.
    She smiled back before looking over to the guy sitting next to him. Hutcherson had extended his hand between the front seats.
    “I’m Mark.”
    “Michelle,” she returned her gaze to the road. “I just have a couple errands to run then we’ll go, alright?”
    “These are the guys going with you to the concert?” The kid finally spoke up. Now that he was closer, he realised he had a Mohawk that just hadn’t been spiked.
    “Yeah,” she grinned quickly at the kid. “Guys, this is Jonathan. Johnny, this is Mark and Alex.” She turned down a side street and slowed down. “Do me a favour and put in I Brought You My Bullets. Alex, pay attention. This is MCRs first cd.”
    “They look like douchbags.” Michelle let one hand off the wheel and slapped the back of the kid’s head as he leaned forward to put in the cd.
    ”Watch your language.” Hutcherson and him shared a look. They didn’t look anything alike, so he didn’t think they were related. Odd.
    “Yeah yeah,” the kid muttered before Michelle finally stopped the car. He opened the door and looked back at her. “Thanks for the ride Mish.”
    “Anytime,” she smiled. “Let me know about your next show, alright?”
    “Yeah, see ya!” He threw a look towards the back before slamming the door and walking up towards the house. The car was silent except for the music and he realised that she was watching the kid to make sure he got in. Once he did, the car started again and they were off.
    “So who’s the kid?” Hutcherson asked.
    “The son of a friend of a friend.” She replied before taking a deep breath. “Alright, here’s the deal. None of us know eachother, not really,” she added as he caught her glance in the mirror. “You’re coming because you want to. This concert is for one of my favourite bands, so no dissing them. Also, we have tickets for the pit. It gets violent so if you can’t handle it, stick to the edges.”
    “Where will you be?” he asked. She grinned.
    “I’m going straight to the front.”
    “Really?” Hutcherson asked and at her nod continued. “I’ll get you there.”
    “Uh huh,” she parked the car and looked back at them. “Sure. Anyways, be nice to each other. Got it?” The boys looked at each other and nodded. He could put up with Hutcherson for one night. “Good, let’s go.”

    Whatever he was expecting, this wasn’t it. He stood next to Hutcherson, staring at a tattoo parlour. Michelle grinned and walked in. Hutcherson followed with a smug sort of look back. He willed up any courage he had and went in, praying this wasn’t what he had in mind.
    Michelle was leaning on the counter looking towards the stairs in the back. The place was clean, examples of artwork on the walls and above all…empty. There was no one in sight. *Ting!* He looked at Michelle who had her finger above one of those old fashioned small push bells. She grinned wider. *Ting!Ting!Ting!Ting!Ting!Ting!Ting!Ting!*
    “ALRIGHT ALREADY!” A voice yelled from the top of the stairs and footsteps thudded down quickly. A man appeared wearing a black t-shirt and jeans. He could see tattoos running up his arms and on his neck. A black toque covered what looked like a bald head. “Jesus Christ! You think a man can’t have his…” He stopped as he looked up to see Michelle at the counter. “I should have known.”
    “Chris!” She put the bell back on the counter and moved forward. “Miss me?” Chris glared at her and he noticed that Hutcherson was now looking towards the couple instead of at the artwork. He hoped this wasn’t her boyfriend. Hell, he hadn’t even considered the fact that she might be in a relationship.
    “No,” Chris deadpanned before moving around her and going behind the counter. “Who are they?” He nodded towards him and Hutcherson.
    “Lackeys for the day,” she waved them off. “I’m taking them to the MCR concert.”
    “No poop,” he looked over them and paused as he saw Alex. He snorted and Alex felt indignation rise up. Who the hell did this guy think he was?
    “Is Dee in?” His attention was turned back to Michelle.
    “Yeah, hold on. Since the butthole didn’t come out while you were banging away, he probably has his music up. I’ll text him.” He watched as Chris sent a quick text and it was silent as they all waited. Soon enough, the door by the back opened.
    “What the f**k are you texting me for? I’m right…oh! Mish!” Dee was apparently a six foot something tall man who looked like he worked out. He also had short dark hair, a lip piercing and gauged ears. He strode towards her and hugged her. She hugged back.
    Well f**k.
  9. Moonlight.

    Moonlight. Member

    What's up with that?
    *new reader, just browsing the originals and this looked interesting. Thought you could use another commenter :)*
  10. Ridea

    Ridea New Member

    Hey all,

    Sorry for the massive delay in updates. There's been a lot of stuff going on recently and aside from that the extra hard drive that I had the documents of my writing for this site died for some reason so I have to see about getting that fixed. I also have copies on my laptop but I had to give back the power cord I borrowed and now it's currently dead.
    So, I'll have updates for you soon once I go through it all and get it all organized. Again. I haven't forgotten about everything, but I just wanted to update you on what's happening. Thanks for your patience!


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