My life without me [Frerard]

Discussion in 'Completed Fan Fictions' started by Kriss, Apr 7, 2012.

  1. Kriss

    Kriss Mrs. Sherlock

    ^Yeah exactly, sad and positive at the same time, that's what it's all about :) thanksss
  2. Kriss

    Kriss Mrs. Sherlock

    Everyone else lost their interest in this story? :(
  3. Freiheit483

    Freiheit483 Member

    I am still really into this story!!!
    And oh my god that update was amazing, you writing is fantastic!
    I really don't want Gerard to die, but its probably going to happen..
    I love the covosation he had with Frank.

    I am seriosuly hooked on this story and I love it, I hope you update soon.
    Update whenevr you feel like it? xxx
  4. XOLauzzCHEM

    XOLauzzCHEM Member

    That chapter was beautiful.
    I'm hooked on this, its wonderful. And I agree with the others that there's something really inspiring behind it.
  5. Kriss

    Kriss Mrs. Sherlock

    Awh thank you both of you! :) Update soon :)
  6. Kriss

    Kriss Mrs. Sherlock

    Chapter 5 – It''s like falling from the sky

    Dear diary. I know I need to keep it together but my mind is running wild while thinking about Frank’s confessions… We can’t start a relationship because my time is running out and Frank knows it just as much as I do. I’m a ticking bomb, but yet he has the gut to tell me he wants to be with me; “I want you to know that the world seems less terrible because you exist. I feel like I wanna be with you, because I’ve never met a person like you. I want to take care of you…through the pain, the happiness and…and the fear!” Those words echo in my mind over and over again as I remember the exact words Frank spoke to me.

    I trust Frank when he told me he would take care of this diary when I’m gone. I therefore want to dedicate this chapter to Frank. Frank, I want you to know you can do anything you set your mind to. Quit your job and do what you’ve always wanted to do. Live your life before it’s too late and make it a good one. If I can help only one person before I die, I know everything will be worth it. The pain….the sadness and frustration…the dying. So if you ever feel like giving up, think of me and the fact I’ll be gone when you read this. Frank, don’t die young like me.


    Rain falls freely from the sky, and the smell of mud and moist grow stronger. Water drip from the trees around us, making trails on the ground. The sound of our boots hitting the mud makes a squeaking sound, while old leaves glue to our clothes.

    While my feet feel tired shivers run down my spine and my body feels numb. I don’t know if it’s because I’m so exhausted my body is letting me know, or whether it’s my cancer. I take no chances though and look for the pills in my backpack. Mikey gives me a worried look when he sees me swallowing the pills. I glance back at him and silently beg him to stop following every move I take. The pills make my body feel normal again and I can walk without feeling numb, while they also make me feel less tired and exhausted. It’s like a tiny miracle inside the pill, except for the fact it only lasts for a couple of hours before you have to pray for another one.

    The guys are talking but I’m not following while I occasionally hear laughter. I’m too busy thinking to pay attention. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my diary and what I think Frank should do with it. It’s been taking a lot of my time, but this is after all the only thing left of me when I’m gone. This diary has my soul and I want to share it to everyone that can find it helpful. Something good should come out of my death and I think this is it. I have to believe in that, or else I think I’d gone mad.

    A few minutes later we’ve come to a huge cliff that leads down to where we have to go. Gray had warned us about this so we’d already tied together the ropes we’d brought with us. Everyone was worried about me if my body couldn’t handle it, but there was no other way than this. We had to take the risk or else we could kiss Barafundle bay goodbye.

    We tie the rope to a big tree and throw the other end down the cliff. Bob goes first and it doesn’t take long before his big, athletic body is planted safely on the ground again. It didn’t look too scary but I was still worried. When it’s my turn I take a good grip around the rope and carefully glide down. All eyes are on me and I take a deep breath before I let myself glide further.

    I’m completely sure what happened, but suddenly my feet were no longer on the clip. In the split of a second my left foot lost grounding and my hands too tired to keep the weight of my body. I didn’t even scream until I reached the ground. The pain was unpreventable. Stars danced in front of my eyes until I saw familiar faces over me. Someone shouted my name, but I didn’t answer. The pain attacked my body like a virus and I couldn’t move because it was too painful. The faces I looked upon were getting blurry. Their voices sounded weird too. It was like they were talking in slow motion. I gasp for air as I suddenly realize I’ve been holding my breath. I cough forcefully until I feel two hands grabbing my face, touching the back of my head. I close my eyes and go back to watching the stars feeling like I’m about to fall asleep. I’m not sure, but I think a smile plastered on my face right before disappeared into wonderland.


    When I wake up I feel something isn’t quite right. My face is turned to the sky and my body is cringed into a weird position. It takes a few minutes until I realize Bob is carrying me on his back. I’m still a bit hazed but I manage to make a sound. “How long have I been out?” I ask.

    “About…Half an hour.” Bob says, fixing a better grip on me. I mumble a ‘poop’ as I lazily rest my head on Bob’s neck. The rest of the guys come running over as they realize I’m awake.

    “f**k, you okay?” Frank is the first to ask, “You scared us.” He states, giving me a worried look just like my brother.

    “I’m fine.” I lie, as Bob lets me down from his back and onto the grass. I gasp as acing pain flows through my body and I have to lie down. Mikey quickly find the morphine in my backpack and lift it to my mouth. Relief is filling my body as the strong liquor run down my throat. I cough up some of it and feel the burning sensation in my throat. I take a look on my arms and notice the yellow and blue. The bruises are all over me and they look pretty bad. There are no open wounds though so I’ve been pretty lucky.

    “Thought I’d lost you for a second.” Mikey sits down next to me and lift his arm around me.

    “I’m sorry.” I mumble, before a smile is plastered on my face and I find myself asking; “did it look cool though?”

    “Like in the movies.” My brother says smiling, “except you peed yourself.”

    My eyes widen as the guys couldn’t handle it any longer and fell into a fit of laughter. “You think a man almost falling into his own death has control over his bladder?” I defend myself, but soon find myself joining the guys laughing in this tragic but funny situation. We were all so tired we didn’t even know what we were laughing at anymore. The whole trip had challenged us in ways we never had experienced and now we needed to rest before we went crazy.
    It took about two hours before I was back on Bob’s back. The sun was going down and it was a mix between dark and orange in the air.

    I feel Frank patting me on the back before he gives me a smile and his eyes turn into the whole universe. My body turns immediately warm and I keep my eyes on the little miracle walking next to me and Bob. I’m almost certain that boy will do something good for the world at some point. There’s a miracle right there and I’m looking at its face.


    I'm sorry it's taking me this long to update. I hope you're all still into this and let me know :) I will do everything I can to update more often!

    'Frank, don’t die young like me.' That just sends shivers down my body.

    AND THEN I READ THIS: 'While my feet feel tired shivers run down my spine and my body feels numb.'

    Kriss, I think you're reading my mind.

    'I have to believe in that, or else I think I’d gone mad.' So beautifully phrased. Something about it got to me.

    The way you manage to use ordinary words and make them into breath taking sentences that strike all the nerves in my body is beautiful! You manage to surprise me with every update. It's so poetical and it flows so good.

    I'm slightly scared about this story. I don't feel how far it is already. It feels like it could end very soon, but at the same time it could take ages. It's keeping me on the edge of my seat.

    I think it's kind of funny how they let Gerard crawl down that cliff at the first place. I don't know, but to me it was pretty obvious he would fall and most probably break something. At least the last didn't happen. But yeah, they had to get down somehow..

    I'm also still sceptical what's up with Gray.. I think you planned to cut him out from the story, am I right? You know with all the "I think I'm going to rewrite that one chapter"? But I think he makes everything more exciting. I still get the picture of the f**king Lion King ape every time I see his name in the story..

    AND FRANK IS ADORABLE! He is always adorable anyway, but he's even more adorable in this story. I'm used to seeing him as the massive bad butt, for some reason & in this story he looks almost innocent. I'm still so happy that he got this opportunity and that he now will, for sure, make something other than an office worker out of himself.

    You already know how much I love you and the story..
    So with all the awesome love,
  8. Chemical 30

    Chemical 30 Just 'That' Girl

    This is sweet, but so sad. I want Frank and Gerard to get together but then I don't, because well yeah....
    And the ending was so sweet, I think it's really cool that Gerard is taking dying rather good, most people would feel sorry for themselves but he doesn't.
    Great chapter, anxious for more :)
  9. Freiheit483

    Freiheit483 Member

    Awww its so sad, the fic is amazing, you had me smiling and nearly crying in one chapter, have I mentioned your a talented writer? I will say it again because you are!
    Its sad that Frank and Gerard can't be together, they can but its sad..
    I loved the update and can't wait for the next:) xx
  10. Kriss

    Kriss Mrs. Sherlock

    Ursula: You're too good to me <3 I'm so glad you're suprised by my updates and that you like it so much that you do. And about the ending, I think the story's about half way through now. I know exactly how it's gonna end, along with the two last chapters. I still have more I want to write about so the ending could take some time ;) But yeah it's done in my mind and I can't wait to share it with you and everyone else.
    Thank you for reading and your wonderful comment :)

    Chemical 30: About Gerard taking dying rather good comes from my own point of view. Right now I'm at a point in my life where I've learned myself not to be frightned by death. I've looked death right into its eyes after two years of being hospitalized and believing I wouldn't get my life back. But I did, and now I'm okay. I'm now more a stronger person than I ever have been, and I think if I got the message I would die in a few months, I'd find peace with it and somehow appriciated the world and the people in my life even more. So the message in this story is to appriccate all these things before it's too late!
    Thank you very much for reading and commenting :)!

    Killjoys Revenge: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you're feeling all these emotions while reading, because that's exactly what I was hoping for! I want people to feel something when they're reading my stuff, or else it's plain wrong. I'm actually working on getting one of my own book published. I'm really excited about it and I hope I can make this into a living along with music.
    Thank you so much for comment and that you're reading:)!
  11. That is so awesome! I'm proud of you. I've had the plan running circles in my head for quite some time already, but I still haven't gotten to the point to actually start working on it. I think you'd do a great job. And I wish to order it once it really gets published!

    & I'm not too good to you. You deserve all the good words, dear.
  12. Kriss

    Kriss Mrs. Sherlock

    ^Thanks!! I recently delivered my script so now I just have to wait a couple weeks for a yes or no!

    And update should be soon. The summer has arrived and it's never been warmer...It's nice to stay outside writing. Makes me more inspired :)
  13. In what language are you writing anyway?

    + Excited for an update!
  14. Kriss

    Kriss Mrs. Sherlock

    Norwegian, so it might be a bit hard for you to read, haha!
  15. ^ Hahahaa. I live together with a girl who speaks norwegian, but I don't speak it myself, so it would be kind of difficult indeed.

    We just joked around how she could read it to me as a bed time story and translate it part by part. Haha. That wouldn't work out too good though..

    Sad. I'd really like to read your work. :(
  16. ElectricImploder

    ElectricImploder New Member

    *new reader*

    I had a few reactions to this "woah!" "Omg!" "Wow! That's was amazing" I also cried. What is this? You made me cry! Of happiness but still. How are you such an amazing writer? Its just beautiful the way you describe everything; His pain, when you describe him drinking the morphine after getting sick and falling or when frankie sad "your eyes are beautiful, like the universe is looking at me" or something. I went into pretty much hippy state and said "woah! That was deep..." This is an amazing story! I love it! Keep writing :D
  17. Kriss

    Kriss Mrs. Sherlock

    ^Awh thank you so much! I'm so happy to have you as a new reader:) I will update asap!!
  18. Kriss

    Kriss Mrs. Sherlock

    Chapter 6 – There's no tragedy being alive

    Dear diary. I’ve slowly recovered from the fall, but sadly my body doesn’t heal like it used to anymore. My body is infected with disease, and at this point I can feel it more than ever. The bruises are still there, but luckily the pain disappeared two days ago. I’m lucky that my body hasn’t shut down yet. And then it’s the feeling when my body doesn’t react the way my head tells it to…and it’s unbearable. And then it’s the feeling when my stomach wrench into a knot hard as rock. It’s simply indescribable.

    Right now my skin is paler than ever. I don’t know whether it’s the disease or the incredible horror in my mind doing it. I must look like a ghost. I feel more and more like a walking dead. I can almost smell death…It’s right in front of my nose taunting me…tempting me.


    The feeling of Frank’s skin onto mine…the goose bumps on his arms and his soft, delicate flesh makes shivers run down my spine. For a moment I let my finger circle onto his neck, amazed by the smooth texture of his skin. The only thing separating us is the dimmed flashlight and a sleeping bag. He then turn his green orbs into mine and smile…dazzling me like a diamond as he opens his mouth and says; “I wish I’d met you sooner…” It was only a whisper but the power of it made me flinch. I open my mouth to answer but I don’t seem to find the words. His hand tangle into mine and he then ask me quietly if I believe in fate.

    “I don’t know.” I answer as quietly, staring at the green walls in our tent. “I like to think it’s a fixed, natural order to the universe. But I don’t know why disaster strikes some people and not other. When disaster happens people wonder why God is being unfair, and I just don’t know what to believe. But you know what, none of us can be certain we will live to see tomorrow.”

    “Yeah, like some things are beyond our power to change. But life is full of options, and adversity is something that needs to be taken into consideration.” Frank continues, the whole time looking at me, “but do you believe God is being unfair?”

    “I tend to place my trust in explanations that provide the most appealing answer, unfortunately, the truth is not always so apparent.” I take a deep breath before I continue, “But no, I don’t think he’s being unfair. I’m accepting my fate, Frank, and I have for a long time.”

    My grip around Frank’s hand is turning firmer. I need to feel his flesh turning alive as I rub his hand. “I have never met a man like you.” Frank says, his mouth almost touching my ear. A shiver run down my spine and I close my eyes as I focus on his breath. “You remember I told you that when you look at me it feels like you’re the whole universe?” Frank continues and I nod, remembering every word he spoke to me that time we watched the sunset together. “I meant every word of it. You’re a very special man, Gerard.”

    It then took about two more seconds before I let my lips meet Frank’s. His soft, wet lips felt like silk and I quickly found myself kissing him deeper. As my hands automatically grabbed his neck I could feel his hands under my shirt, his nails making trails on my back. He then spread his legs and lay on top of me, tangling his hands in my hair and playing with it. When I open my eyes I stare right into his green orbs. Lust shuns through his eyes but I could also see a tear escaping, rolling down his porcelain cheek. I lift my finger and catch it, staring at the tiny tear on my fingertip. I then look back at Frank and find myself comforting him with words saying everything will be okay.

    “Why are you saying that? You know you’re lying.” Frank whispers, his hands grabbing my wrists and holding me down. “We’re two unfortunate people, Gerard, don’t you see that? You’re dying and I’m falling in love with you. There’s nothing okay with that. It’s a f**king tragedy.”

    I then grab his small body and push him down so we’re changing positions. Now I’m the one on top holding him down. “Look, I never said it wasn’t a tragedy. It’s…it’s a f**king disaster, Frank! But I’m dealing and I suggest you do the same before you screw up your life further.” It’s like word vomit in my mouth and I find myself almost raising my voice. “Remember you once told me that the world seems less terrible because I exist? That you want to take care of me through the pain, happiness and the fear?”

    Frank nods, before I continue. “Remember this when I’m gone, that you made the rest of my life meaningful taking care of me. Then should you remember the anniversary of my birth, remember that you were loved by me and you made my life a happy one. And there's no tragedy in that. We’re not unfortunate people, Frank.”

    Then our eyes lock together and I feel his heart beating onto my palm, and I realize I’ve never in my life felt better than now.


    I felt very inspired by the power of love writing in the sun. Hahaha. Now tell me what you think, tragedy or fate?
  19. ElectricImploder

    ElectricImploder New Member

    Wow! I had to leave the room as soon as I started reading cause I started tearing up and my mum was looking at me like "are you okay?" And then I started smiling all crazy so that must of looked weird.

    Aahh!! I'm glad you updated :D like woo! Um..but now I'm all frustrated because it could be fate and tragedy and I have all these scenarios in my head and they're a bit far fetched, like them both dying or gerard surviving but this story is so unpredictable that I have no idea. I hope its not tragedy because I'm getting attached to this story hehe.

    I want to steal your talent. Okay? You write so beautifully and you make my emotions act up, or maybe I'm just too emotional but your writing really is incredible. Ok I'm babbling, I'll shut up now. Keep writing :D
  20. Chemical 30

    Chemical 30 Just 'That' Girl

    Oh wow....
    I'm speechless, what a powerful chapter!
    Can't wait for the next one!

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