Discussion in 'Completed Fan Fictions' started by 0punkrocker0, Apr 24, 2008.
Frankie's an angel.
He really is.
God, are we really close to the end?
I'm crying already.
i dont know what to say right now..
“Gee… Gee! Hey sleepyhead…”
“Wha..?” I mumbled thickly, blinking reluctantly against the bright light shining in from beneath the blinds.
“I don’t know when your brother’s gonna get home, Gee, but maybe we should get dressed,” Frankie suggested softly, poking my shoulder once.
I yawned and struggled into a sitting position, pushing the covers down around my waist and muttering “S’too f**king early…”
“It’s already eleven forty-five! And I thought I was tired.” Frankie was already out from beneath the covers, now sprawled across the foot of the bed and wearing only the ducky boxers that he had been clutching the night before.
“Mmph.” I stretched and forced myself to swing both legs over the side of the mattress, reluctant to leave the warm sheets.
He shot me an adorable smile and got up quickly to pull some clothes on, with more energy than I had, making the bed bounce. “Mikey’s gonna see your car.”
“Good thing,” I muttered, grabbing a pair of jeans from my closet before sitting back down on the edge of the mattress. “Otherwise he’d have a f**king heart attack.”
Frankie frowned in thought. “Good point. But I still think it’d be fun to surprise him.”
I couldn’t help but laugh weakly at the childish eagerness in his voice, but my stomach already felt tight with nerves. I thought Frankie’s early-morning enthusiasm was cute, but it was hard for me to capture the same light-hearted feeling with so much stress still pressing down on me. I was glad to see him finally carefree, but the worst part of me- the part that had always ruined everything for the two of us- was nursing bitter jealousy over the fact that he could be so f**king happy and oblivious while the inner demons that would never let me be twisted my guts and my thoughts from the inside out. What would Mikey say when he found out that Frankie and I were back? I had a sickening feeling that it might not be the pleasant surprise that Frankie was hoping for. And what did the future hold for us, now that we were back where we’d started? I couldn’t risk hurting him. I couldn’t risk hurting him, but that was just what I was doing with every move I made. Why did everything have to be so hard? The pressure was crushing me.
A warm hand on my shoulder made me flinch, and I glanced up hurriedly to find Frankie staring down directly into my eyes with a worried look on his face. His innocent eyes suddenly didn’t look so pure. A wave of awful realization and almost repulsion washed over me. Suddenly, I could see more clearly than ever that everything I had done to him had not gone without consequences. Every bitter word I’d said, every insult, every bruise or cut that I had ever inflicted, every time that I had ever just walked away, forgotten to apologize, saw him suffer and done nothing… all of it was imprinted on his memory- on his very soul, just as deeply as any mark left by his father. All the tragic fractures that I’d left dividing the fragments of his heart… they had never healed, no matter how hard I had tried to pretend that they would. For all the bittersweet kisses and the hopeless so-sorrys, Frank Iero would never be okay. My beautiful, flawless, sweet little Frankie wasn’t flawless at all… he was f**king damaged. What the hell had I done? Oh, what the goddamn hell had I done?! My mind was racing, but it didn’t take long to find the devastating answer. I knew. Sitting there, staring into those beautiful, bottomless, hopeless and haunted green eyes, I knew. I had turned him into me.
I blinked, snapping suddenly back into reality to realize that Frankie was still staring worriedly at me, biting his bottom lip and suddenly looking more frightened than just concerned.
“Gerard, what’s going on?!” His voice trembled just slightly.
The ghosts that I had seen so distinctly in his eyes were dimmer and less threatening now, and I took a few shaky breaths, a familiar fear creeping back into my heart. Was I f**king crazy? I knew I’d broken Frankie, but he had forgiven me so many times... If he promised, then of course everything was finally going to be okay… wouldn’t it?
“I can help you, Gee… I swear, just trust me,” Frankie whispered, all the distress and love for me shadowing his pale face slowly tracing fracture lines along the contours of my aching heart.
My voice, choked with the slow tears which had been building in my throat, was even lower than his, but I knew he would understand every whimpered word. “I’m so f**king scared, Frankie…” I choked on a sob; a single tear rolled down my cheek. “I’m scared that I b-broke you.”
There was one perfectly still second of devastating silence, and then Frankie was in my arms, sending me sprawling backwards onto the mattress, the impact of his body far less than that of his kiss, the emotion so powerful that even the mumbled words between us couldn’t match the feeling of his soft lips meeting mine over and over. “It wasn’t you, Gee,” he gasped as I paused to fight for breath, the bare honesty in his emerald eyes burning into my skin like acid. “It was never you; I want you to know that. What my father did to me could never be your fault.”
“Frankie…” My husky words had the hint of a whimper in them. I knew that I was making him lie to me. “T-tell me again I’m not crazy.”
“You’re not… I swear to god you’re not!” His eyes were pained and sad. “Please believe me, Gee…”
I just stared hollowly past him. There was no way that I could believe Frankie when I had just begged him to give me lies.
“Oh Gerard… you’ll feel better now that we’re home,” he murmured, rubbing my shoulders comfortingly.
“Frankie… Hell, Frankie, I’m such a-”
The sound of a car door slamming shut outside cut me off abruptly, and I glanced up at Frankie, suddenly frightened all over again. “Oh god…”
“It’s okay, Gee. He knows by now. He’s already seen your car, remember?” He put a hand on my arm. “Let’s go downstairs, okay?”
I swallowed hard. “Okay.”
**i know exactly when this fic will end.**
oh my, oh my....
you really had ta sat that right...
please tell me it's not going to be lame, one killing the other, please pretty please with a cherry on top
^what do u mean by 'one killing the other' ?
as in gee killing frankie & vise versa,
or another person killing one of them ?
*wide eyed look*... MIKEY MIKEY MIKEY.... oooo... i wonder what see's been up to... they do like having their lil moments where they have to reasure each other... frank and gee i mean...
I stepped off of the last step into the entrance to the living room, Frankie right behind me, just as the front door swung open, and the next instant, I was standing face to face with my little brother.
Mikey looked the same as he always had, really, but I couldn’t help wondering if he looked maybe just the slightest bit older, or if that was just part of my unstable imagination. He was standing frozen in the doorway, staring at me with an unreadable look in his hazel eyes.
I couldn’t breathe.
He said nothing.
My stomach hurt.
“Hi Mikey,” I heard Frankie whisper softly, more as an undertone cue to me than as a greeting, but it broke the spell which had been holding us motionless.
“Gerard…” Mikey breathed, faltering. “Gerard… God, how the hell could- How the f**king hell could you do that to me?!” His voice shook, but rose steadily in volume and intensity as more and more emotion crept into his words. “D-do you have any idea what you’ve put me through, you f-f**king son of a witch?!”
I stared, mouth slightly open even though I already knew that there were no words which could fix this.
“You just- You just f**king disappeared, you s-selfish… f-f**king selfish-” Mikey’s unsteady voice finally cracked, and I just reached for him, heart caught painfully in my throat. Only one heartbeat later, he had thrown himself into my embrace, wrapping both his arms tightly around my neck like he expected me to try and get away. “God, Gerard, god…” he whispered brokenly, tears feeling cold and wet against my skin. “I was so f-f**king scared… I thought… god, you coulda f**king k-killed him, Ger… I didn’t know what had f-f**king happened to you…”
I hugged him tighter, closing my eyes tightly. “I’m sorry, Mikey… I’m so, so sorry…”
“I m-missed you so much…”
“I missed you too, Mikes... I can’t even say sorry enough…”
“I’m glad you’re back,” he mumbled, his breathing starting to even out.
I was so caught up in the moment that I didn’t even realize that Frankie had blown me a silent kiss and quietly crept out the front door.
Ten minutes later, I found the note he’d briefly scribbled in thick black Sharpie lying almost ominously on the living room coffee table. At first, all I saw was a characteristic sloppy heart shape, but when I turned the scrap of paper over, I realized that there was more.
I have to do this alone.
My heart started pounding faster like a time bomb waiting to explode beneath my ribs.
You’re all I ever needed, Gee…
I just have to prove it.
Please let me.
I love you. So much.
Still holding the note with badly shaking fingers, I turned slowly to Mikey, who had followed me into the living room and was watching me with a worried look on his face.
Wordlessly, I handed him the paper.
He read it quickly, and then glanced back up at me. “You gonna let him go?”
I hesitated, staring hopelessly at the living room floor.
“Do you know what this is about?” Mikey asked me quietly, and I shook my head, panic creeping into my voice.
“I don’t f**king get it! What the hell is he doing?! He has to prove that I’m all he needs… but what else would he..?” I let my voice trail off, thoughts racing. What had Frankie ever needed besides someone to love him? What did he… Oh. My. God. My eyes locked instantly on Mikey’s, which reflected the fear that was burning along the lining of my veins. “Mikey, oh god, I know what he’s doing! I know what he’s f**king doing!” The only thing that Frankie had ever needed, the only thing that had ever come between us… The one attraction that he had tried so hard to fight was cocaine.
Mikey nodded grimly when I told him, but as I whirled for the door, he grabbed my arm. “Maybe you should let him do this, Ger!”
The awful apprehension which had been building up inside of me finally exploded into words. “Are you goddamn crazy? The last time he tried to negotiate with his drug dealer, he ended up f**king him!”
“Don’t you trust him? He asked you to let him go!”
“I have to find him!”
Mikey stared anxiously after me as I dug my car keys out of my pocket and started for the door, but although he offered no help, he didn’t try to stop me again.
I knew what Frankie was asking me, and there was a small voice in the back of my head telling me that by refusing him this one favor, almost the only thing he had ever asked of me, I was taking away the last shred of dignity that he had left; stealing even more from his splintered heart, if that was even possible after everything that I had done. But I just couldn’t let him go, not after everything we had been through… I wasn’t going to let anyone break what we had worked so hard for all over again. It seemed like every time I had tried to interfere, I had ended up failing him, but this time, I swore that I wouldn’t f**k it all up.
That was how I justified my actions as I slammed the door of my Nisan and shot down the street in the direction of the downtown. I wasn’t betraying Frankie this time… I was saving him. I was saving him from the world… Maybe I was even saving him from himself.
**oh my god. here we go.**
im on the edge of tears right now. i dont know if its coz this fic is amazingly emotional or im totally bummed its ending soon. how many chapters are left?? im dreading the ending so badly.
EDIT: IS THE NEXT CHAPTER THE END!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
its because of both actually.
and i dont really want to tell u how many chapters there are left.
and no it isnt.
the fic is coming to an end, but not THAT fast.
but i will tell u that the end will be here reeeeeeeeeeeally soon.
suspense is killing me! lol
better not end on a bad note...i bet it is tho.... it will just be the way and ill be like nooooooooooooo! and yer...
This is just so..emotional.
im like almost crying.
my god, Frankie=[[[[[
im scared to know how it ends.
Wow. I'm actually a bit afraid as of to what Gerard will see this time. I sort of wonder whether Frank would be a little disappointed that Gee followed him. I'm quite anxious to find out.
Like daggers to the heart );
I parked in front of the dirty bar where I had caught him with his first dealer so long ago, but almost before I got out of the car, I knew that I wasn’t going to find him there. In fact, the building was almost empty, as though everyone but Frankie and I knew that the sinister scent on the wind was actually a warning of what was to come. I was starting to feel claustrophobic, and five minutes later, when I left the bar with no clues as to where Frankie had gone, the fear was still building, killing me slowly.
Above me, the sky was a cloudy pale grey, and the few leafless trees planted on the street corners swayed eerily in the bitter wind. The city was like a ghost town. A group of thin boys with cigarettes dangling from their pale, cold lips, huddled near the shell of a burned-out pawn shop, slurred unintelligible questions and curses at me as I passed, their lifeless stares reminding me of the awful emptiness I had seen in Frankie’s dead eyes. I shuddered and kept walking, crossing my arms protectively against the cold.
Fifteen minutes later, the beat of my heart still thudding like a ticking bomb in my chest, urgency weighing on me so heavily that my hands were beginning to shake, I stopped in the narrow passage between an abandoned brewery and a chain of derelict buildings, sheltered somewhat from the ripping wind. With a shaky breath, I let myself slide down the alley wall, despair and overwhelming hopelessness poisoning my bloodstream, as cold as an injection of liquid ice into my veins. Fighting back tears, I let my head fall back against the rough brick. Was I going to lose him this time? I was failing him again.
With trembling fingers, I got out my cellphone and dialed his number, hesitating for a long, breathless moment before pressing the button to call. As the rings on the other end began to stretch on and on and finally faded into silence with a quiet click, I felt one icy cold tear trickle down my cheek. Oh, Frankie… All of the fears, all of the things that go bump in the night, all of the monsters and the zombies… all of it faded to a dull throbbing somewhere beneath my collarbone, that bomb still buried in my chest… and waiting to detonate.
And then I heard it.
“I really hate to do this, Iero.”
The words hit me like a sharp kick just beneath the ribs, and with a jagged flash something like lightning or maybe death, the cold left my skin and every inch of my body suddenly felt like it was burning with white-hot fear. I got to my feet so quickly that I almost lost my balance, all of the blood which had close to congealed in my veins forced into motion again. I heard a metallic click, followed by a heartbreaking whimper, and spun awkwardly in a circle, desperately trying to distinguish where the sound had come from.
“I hate to do this... you’re a good kid… sexy little fag too. Don't know why you never took me up on my little offer…”
Nauseated, I blindly picked a direction, starting down the alleyway at a run. I had to get to him. I f**king had to.
My footsteps pounded a tattoo against the cracked downtown pavement, the rhythm matching each pulse of my heart in my throat. I turned the corner into the narrow space between another set of abandoned buildings, and stopped dead in my tracks as I realized the horrible truth of what I had heard.
Frankie- my Frankie- was struggling for breath, caught in the iron grip of a tall man in a black ski mask, who had him pinned in place, the arm around his throat slowly squeezing the air from his fragile lungs. Mascara-and-eyeliner tears streaked his face with grey, the smeared makeup obscuring the beautiful green of his irises so that they looked like nothing more than gaping skeletal sockets from where I was standing at the other end of the alley, but the only thing I could comprehend was the handgun lodged firmly between Frankie’s perfect lips.
I couldn’t suppress a sob of overwhelming terror, and the two hollow black holes replacing my broken angel’s eyes seemed to flicker upwards and focus on me, and I could see his pale face fill with another wave of fear.
The man in the ski mask- Frankie’s dealer- saw me too, but the hand holding the gun didn’t move, even as his thin lips twisted into a sarcastic smile. “Tell me you’re not this little fag’s boyfriend.”
“Let him go.”
The man smirked condescendingly. “What do you have to bargain with, hmm?”
I refused to answer him, maybe because I barely heard his words, maybe because I just couldn’t speak, instead slowly starting to walk closer to Frankie, my entire frame trembling violently with anxiety and despair. As I got nearer, his blank stare became more and more distinct, until I could finally see the glow of his gorgeous irises burning emerald. The almost animalistic fear gripping his eyes, combined with nearly inhuman hysteria written all over his face, sliced through my heart like the edge of a razorblade. His snow-white cheeks were streaked with tears, and he was shaking with terror as his tortured stare intersected mine, every inch of him silently begging me to do something, because he couldn’t say a word with the metal in his mouth.
I stopped walking when there was just enough distance between me and the dealer so that I could pretend I was safe, tearing my eyes from Frankie’s because it hurt too much to admit that I didn’t have any answers. I could hardly believe that this was really happening. How could I lose him now, after everything we had fought for? The thought was tearing me into shreds inside. Desperate and petrified, when I spoke, my voice came out hoarse with nerves and fear. “I’ll… I’ll give you money. Anything.”
The dealer raised one thin eyebrow, and I realized that in his mind, this was nothing but a cruel game. Frankie’s fragile life meant nothing to him. Nothing. “I don’t need money,” he replied smoothly, and he didn’t offer any further suggestions.
“What do you want?” I whispered fearfully, overwhelmed by dread. This didn’t feel like reality. I just couldn’t believe how f**king close I was to losing everything… and that it might really happen this time.
“I want this little bastard dead,” the man spat scornfully, “And you too, for that matter. Think about it. Gorgeous little Francis here quits the fairy dust for your sake; you tell the cops about me so that you’ll both feel just a tad more secure… Can’t you imagine what that would do to my business?”
I stared. “Look, we wouldn’t tell the f**king police! Just let him go!”
There was no emotion in the man’s dark eyes, even though he was still smirking, shaking his head in fake sympathy, and I fleetingly wondered what he had seen to turn him into such an empty shell. “I don’t wanna blow the kid’s brains all over the cement, buddy, but sometimes a guy’s gotta do what he’s gotta do.”
Frankie whimpered and then gagged painfully on the gun jammed between his lips.
My stomach turned. “You can’t.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Please.” As I forced out the words, my voice cracked, and tears that I didn’t know I had spilled down my cheeks. “P-please don’t take him away.”
Frankie’s dealer sighed, licking his thin lips as though deep in thought. “I don’t know…” he murmured finally, still calm and nonchalant. “What exactly are you willing to give?”
I was scared to death, not knowing what my words might mean, but I took a shuddering deep breath and opened my mouth.
Frankie knew what I was about to admit, that I would give up anything and everything just to have him safe in my arms, and his electrifying eyes locked on mine for one devastating moment. I saw his cracked lips struggle to form words around the barrel of the gun, but instead of responding, I just kept staring back blankly, unable to decipher what he was trying to say. It didn’t matter, though. The message was burning in his beautiful eyes too, and I felt a chill go down my spine as it hit me. Don’t say it. Don’t f**king say it, Gee… Please.
I still said it. “Anything.”
**omg i feel so sorry that u guys had to read this fic.**
i didnt breathe once while i read that and ive turned a sickly shade of white.
i kinda feel like making a crew out of this.
what do u think ?
This isn't good..
Frankie choked on the gun barrel again and gave one silent sob as he closed his mascara-stained eyes as though he was already dead.
The drug dealer laughed at my answer, and all of a sudden, I knew Frankie hadn’t just been pleading out of blind fear. Something was very, very wrong. “Okay,” he said coolly. “Take him.”
Shocked, all I could do was stammer. “Wha…what?”
The man feigned deprecating surprise from behind his mask. “Has no one ever given you what you want before? I said take him. He’s yours.”
Still hesitant, I took a couple awkward steps forward, and with a twisted smile that sickened me to the very core, the dealer pulled the gun slowly out from between Frankie’s trembling lips.
“Come get your pretty little boy,” he murmured quietly to me, licking his pale lips as though it was some kind of temptation, then let go so suddenly that it almost caused his knees to give out and send him sprawling across the dirty concrete.
With a strangled cry, Frankie just barely caught his balance, staggered a couple steps towards me, and threw himself roughly into my arms with enough force to send me stumbling a foot backwards, raw, violent sobs wracking his whole frame as he crumpled against me like a broken doll, burying his face deep in my chest. He was choking up tears and ragged screams from deep inside his throat, the sound muffled by my body, as though pain and fear had degraded him to such an animal state that he couldn’t even form words.
I held him so tightly that it almost hurt, my own muscles trembling with built-up tension and weakened with relief. “Frankie… Frankie… oh my god…”
He just sobbed harder, clinging desperately to me as though he was afraid I was going to crumble into dust just like all of our wasted dreams. What I didn’t realize was that his tears were not for the tragedy that he had so narrowly escaped, but for the tragedy we were still living. He knew that it wasn’t over. Frankie knew.
I heard a harsh laugh, chills running down my spine, and I looked up nervously past Frankie to find that there was no shred of humor in the drug dealer’s stony eyes. “Get out of here, you pathetic faggots,” he said quietly, his low voice all at once too-calm and razorblade dangerous.
“Come on, Frankie,” I muttered quietly against his ear, still watching the man’s icy pupils through the holes in the ski mask for any hint of what was to come.
“No, Gee,” he whimpered in response, lips moving against my collarbone. I could feel his arms tighten around me as though he was afraid to let go, even for a minute.
With another brief glance at the dealer, I gently lifted Frankie’s face so that I could see his eyes, still torn with pain and brutal fear. I kept my voice at a soft whisper, hurting just to see him like this. “Baby… it’s okay now. We’re gonna go home. Give me your hand, sweetie.”
“N-no…” Frankie moaned, writhing uncomfortably like I had said something wrong, keeping his hands locked tightly together around my waist, even when I tried to take his cold fingers carefully in mine.
I couldn’t understand why he was acting like this, even scared as he was, and it frightened me to the core all over again. “Frankie…”
“No!” he gasped out raggedly, forcing all the words past the sobs in his chest. “G-god, Gee; w-why’d you have to come?!”
I thought back to his note, asking me to let him do this alone, and because I had no other way to express the unnamed emotions rising within me, bitterness crept into my voice. “f**k, Frankie; you’d be f-f**king dead right now if I hadn’t come; your goddamn skull would be-”
“Gee, I woulda gotten out of it; you d-don’t understand…” Frankie could barely speak between choking breaths; his eyes were wild with desperation.
“You would have gotten out of it how?” I hissed coldy. “You would have f**ked him, is that it?”
“If that’s w-what it t-took…”
Anger was burning within me, but I didn’t let go of Frankie’s shuddering form, helpless for both of us as his tears came harder and harder.
“Oh Gee-” A sob ripped the words from him.
My heart was breaking. “Frankie, let’s ho home.”
Again, my quiet words were met with panic. “No, Gee, no-”
“Goddamn it, Frankie, don’t you understand? He’s f**king letting us go!” I wanted to shake it into him, but my arms remained lifeless and limp around his shoulders.
“You d-don’t get it; you don’t g-get it; I f**king- I wanna b-be in your f-f**king arms when it hap-happens, Gee, please!” He was screaming hoarsely, hysterical, desperate to make me understand, but to my reluctant ears, his words sounded almost incoherent.
I couldn’t take it anymore, and I pulled away roughly, nearly knocking him to the ground as I jerked out of his grip. “Frankie, holy mother of f**k, after everything I’ve done for you- You’ll be goddamn f**king fine if you just listen to me; we’re f**king going home, okay?!”
He lifted his tortured, bloodshot eyes, porcelain cheeks streaked with eyeliner and hot tears that I imagined were turning to blood or acid, he had cried so hard, and with just one quiet whimper, he nodded; once, twice, like a broken puppet.
The tears on my own face feeling cold as ice, I turned away from the overwhelming hurt in his stare, starting quickly towards the mouth of the alley without so much as a backward glance at the drug dealer, although my hands were shaking with rage for him and the twisted mind games which had almost stolen my baby’s life. My heart hurt as if a physical wound had been ripped open deep inside my flesh, crimson bleeding into my soul like poison. I had never meant to hurt Frankie, but I had to, I had to in order to save him. I took a shaky breath, already planning apologies for the things that I had said. Frankie would understand when it was all over, when we were safe again… he would forgive me just like he always had before…
I was already at the far end of the alleyway, about to turn the corner, before I realized that Frankie wasn’t beside me any longer, and every inch of my cold body suddenly flooded with dread. Heart pounding robotically in my chest again, I turned slowly back around to find him standing perfectly still right where I had unknowingly left him, his back to me, staring silently down the barrel of the dealer’s loaded gun.
No. No no no.
My voice came out as a ragged whisper. “Frankie…”
Very slowly, he turned his head in my direction, and when our eyes met, I knew. Everything that Frankie had been trying to make me see finally tore through me like bullets through my paper heart. I never should have followed him; I should have listened when he said he wanted it to end in my arms… I should have understood, but I had been too f**king blind, and now… what? His green eyes were terrified. There would be no forgiveness this time. This was the end, but there was so much left to say...
**too late for you readers to stop reading this fic till the very end.**
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