Fragmented Four years ago something happened to me that turned my head into a dark little cavity, and even though it's been so long, my mind relapses at the most simple things and everything comes crashing back. All the emotions, the hatred, the numbness, the alienation, it becomes this inescapable, thick, syrupy mass in my chest and it's impossible to escape. It runs like molasses through my veins and slows my entire world down. There's only one way to even kind of relieve those feelings, and that is through writing. Here I will post all of the things that branch off of these feelings, be it poems, true stories, memories, anything. Here my mind will attempt to exist in peace with itself, but that will never happen. Warning, some of these posts might become triggering or graphic because of the things that happened. ________________________ Closure I know what I need to do. I just have to find the guts to do it. I think my biggest problem is that I never got closure from all of this. I never got to look him in the eyes and spit out all the hatred I have towards him. Never got to tell him all the poop he did to me, how much he f**ked me up. Four years later he still doesn’t know how much all of this has grown, how it literally f**king consumes me while he wonders around oblivious. He’s literally lurking in my unconscious mind, that’s why he randomly springs up in nightmares reminding me of how things really are whenever I start to feel happy. That’s why simply seeing his f**king face is enough to make me literally come crashing back to where I am now. Back in 10th grade I talked about some of this with my best guy friend at the time, Dillon, and he was the only one that didn’t really get upset or bothered by me. I understand why the others did, though, because I was so frantic that I’m sure it was irritating. He’s been trying to reconnect with me again, this is a good opportunity. I need to talk to him and plan some kind of meeting, and make Dillon go with me to make sure everything stays safe. I want to be able to look him in the eyes and let the hatred spill out. Anything to let him know what he’s done to me, even if it doesn’t bother him. I will tear this motherf**ker apart inside like he did to me, and that is all I need. If I can just have that, that kind of closure. Maybe I can move past this one day. Maybe.