A schizophrenic world

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Stefff, Apr 10, 2012.

  1. Stefff

    Stefff New Member

    A SCHIZOPHRENIC WORLD

    RATING: 15+

    CHARACTERS: Scarlet, Gerard, Frank and maybe some other characters

    GENRE: drama (abuse, mental illness, suicide)

    SUMMARY: a girl with schizophrenia must say goodbye to those she loves as her treatment will part her and the one she truly loves. first she must defeat her evil past...

    COPYRIGHT: i don't own mcr or any of the members and this story never happened with them. it is however based on past experience but with different characters


    taster chapter-page 1
    Chapter 1-page 1
    Chapter 2-page2

    Taster----

    The sound of footsteps were the first things I heard before opening my eyes only to see a white ceiling above me; the white swirling like a snowstorm. Sensation began to fill my body as a tingling feeling worked its way down to my toes. Wiggling my toes and fingers a became aware of the restraints keeping me trapped on the bed. How dare they! Do I look crazy! Attempting to get free, I don't realize the figure standing in the doorway. His pale and perfect complexion made me feel instantly calm and fragile. He made the place seem warm by looking at the white glow radiating from him. The silence was broken however when he spoke in a shaky voice, "he's coming Scarlet. He's coming to get you." with that he disappeared from my sight leaving me aware of all the shadows around me. That's when I heard them. Their constant laughing and insistent comments making me increasingly cautious and paranoid. He's here I realize before drifting off into an uncomfortable, nightmare filled sleep...


    Okay... This is my first story so I hope you like it. This is just a taster and i'll post first chapter when I get two comments :') let me know what you think thankyou!! Xxx
     
  2. This sounds good! I like it.

    I'd recommend you to make the head of your story a bit more appealing. You know, use some other fonts than the main story, bigger letters for the heading and stuff.

    & Make the next chapters a bit longer 'cause you can't really delve into the story when they are that short.
     
  3. Stefff

    Stefff New Member

    Thanks :) I'm currently writing this on my iPod. Thankyou for the feedback I'll try and edit to make it seems more appealing. Don't worry the next chapter will be alot longer this is just a snippet :') xx
     
  4. It sounds really good i like it!

    I agree by doing this you will attract more readers
     
  5. Stefff

    Stefff New Member

    Chapter 1

    Thanks and I agree :') I'm typing up my first chapter now and I hope you really like it xx

    ------------------------------

    CHAPTER 1

    [/i] My heart pounded heavily in my chest. My lungs screaming for air as I inhaled the smoke which consumed and singed my body. Tears blurred my vision so that all I could see was the bright orange mess. The flames crackled with laughter; taunting me as I was trapped. The orange flames danced on the walls, devouring everything in sight until ravenously licking my feet. My body began to burn and my screaming became the only audible sound to human ears. The immense pain too much to bear... [/i]

    Screaming, I frantically wrestled with the restraints keeping me prisoner. However, my body froze as he began to ascend towards me. My breath hitched in my throat causing my breathing to become irregular and erratic. "Don't kill me! Please just leave me alone! I don't wanna die! Please, please..." I begged whilst, once again struggling with the thick material holding me to this bed.

    Suddenly, the door was pushed open as people in white overalls rapidly entered the room. Barely paying attention, I focused all of my energy on freeing myself. A sharp stinging sensation in my arm brought me to my senses. They tell me it's for my own safety. I let them place a jacket on me. Hugging myself, they lead me to a small room. Four corners, four walls, no bed and no window. I fall to the floor disorientated and slip into a state of unconscious on the soft padded floor.

    FLASHBACK

    "Scarlet?" I hear my mother shout. Calmly, I descend down the stairs, each footstep echoing in my head like the sound of a beating drum. No I'm not hung over if that's what you're thinking. The smell of pancakes fill my nostrils, my stomach groaning in approval as I take my seat at the table, I begin to devour the food on the plate in front of me. "Scarlet, I'm going away for a few months. It's a really good job and I can't say no. I'll be leaving as soon as I've finished talking to you. I've left some money in your band account and I hope you will be alright. Kristian will be looking after you while I am gone. Goodbye sweetie, love you." Watching the car leave for the airport, I ask myself why did she leave me with him?*

    Getting in the shower, I winced as the hot water stung my open wounds. I decided to be as quick as possible so I got out and threw on a pair of jet black drainpipes and a black shirt which was a present. Throwing on my bye bye kitty hoodie, I opened the front door only to see the worst person I could possibly come across. It was him, kristian...
     
  6. kadoodle

    kadoodle crazy cat lady Staff Member

    Please proof read, you've made an important spelling mistake in your title.
     
  7. Stefff

    Stefff New Member

    ^^ thankyou I hadn't realized. *correcting* It is difficult typing this on an iPod as I don't have a computer so this is the best I've got but thanks again :') xx
     
  8. Thats really good! Cant wait for more, can i call fanspot #1? Xoxo
     
  9. Stefff

    Stefff New Member

    Hello I apologize profusely for not updating had a little issue with things :'/ I apologise again. I will update as soon as possible. Yes you can call fan spot 1 :'D xxx
     
  10. kadoodle

    kadoodle crazy cat lady Staff Member

    I hope you're ok now, looking forward to an update :)
     
  11. Stefff

    Stefff New Member

    Thankyou :') hopefully, if everything goes okay, I should be updating tomorrow. I have wrote it but I need to type it up sorry for the wait xxx
     
  12. Stefff

    Stefff New Member

    A shizophrenic world- chapter 2

    Chapter 2

    The throbbing pain soaring through my head quickly made me alert. The room
    around me was dark, cold and damp. 'not again' I thought to myself. "WHAT THE f**k?!" I screamed as loud as I could. Maybe I could get out of most of it by making someone hear me. Suddenly, there was a hand over my face, smothering me. Frightened, I began to thrash around realizing that I was tied onto something. I felt the breath slowly leave my body as I once again became consumed by the silent darkness that seemed to darken my entire world.

    *end of flashback*

    Gently opening my eyes, I saw two white shoes. 'great' I thought to myself, 'can things get any better?' A hand reached mine and slowly pulled me up while a hand wrapped around my waist to help me stay standing. "Hello, I'm frank and I'm going to be taking care of you during your time here." the man before me wore a white overall with black clothing underneath. He wore a deaf Havana tee with black skinny jeans. My throat tightened as I tried to reply allowing me to muster a high pitched squeak.*

    We ended up in a white room with posters on the walls. The bed was covered with black and red patterned covers and the open wardrobe was filled with my clothes. "you've been here before sweetheart. You just don't remember like you don't remember me. But we will help you with that." And with that he left the room leaving me bewildered and in some sort of trance...
     
  13. ohhh clifffhanger much?? cant wait for more. Yay fan spot #1!
    and aww at sweet frank!
    hannah xoxo
     
  14. Stefff

    Stefff New Member

    :') thankyou for actually reading this :) Gerard will be in the next chapter so it just writing it on the iPod now. Should update in the next couple of days xxx
     
  15. kadoodle

    kadoodle crazy cat lady Staff Member

    Check your punctuation please. New pieces of dialogue need a new line, names need capital letters and you've got random punctuation marks floating around.

    Your storyline is great, you just need to make it easier for your readers by using correct grammer.
     

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