A Reflection Left In Tears...

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Bethany Dorward, Sep 8, 2012.

  1. Bethany Dorward

    Bethany Dorward New Member

    Was just sitting in my room, when I decided to write a fanfiction and then thought I'd share it with you nice folks:)
    Title: A Reflection Left In Tears...
    Rating: 18+
    Main Characters: Frank/Beth
    Summary: Beth moves to New Jersey where she is currently getting over a previous relationship and meets Frank Iero. She falls for him and he helps her carry on.
    Genre: Romance/Humour
    Chapter Index: Chapter 1: I Just Need Somebody To Love... Chapter 2: 'Cus Baby When I'm With You... Chapter 3: I Will Never Say Never... Chapter 4: Stuck In The Moment...
  2. Bethany Dorward

    Bethany Dorward New Member

    Chapter 1: I Just Need Somebody To Love...

    Beth stared dejectedly out of the car window. It was a week since she'd broken up with her long term boyfriend and although she hated him for leaving her, she still loved him enough to cry about leaving him to go to the other side of the world to live in New Jersey. The Monday her parents had told her they were moving was the Monday her week long stay in her room started. She hadn't eaten in 8 days and only left her room to go to the bathroom. Her room had been packed up around her until she'd been forced to take a shower and get ready for the flight from England to Ontario. Her mum and dad had split up and Beth was moving to New Jersey with her dad as her mum was worried for her daughter's sanity and thought it would be better if she wasn't in the same part of the world and especially not in the same class as the guy she had willingly loved for 3 years. The flight went relatively quickly and check in was simple. Now she was stuck in the car, rain trickling down the window, on the way to her new house. She hadn't even seen what it looked like.
    She opened her eyes not realising she'd fallen asleep. She stretched and got out the car. Her dad had already gone inside and started unpacking. The rain had stopped and now mist swirled making the atmosphere slightly humid. The house was largish, white and had vast green lawns. She walked through the main door and inside the decor was fairly modern with wooden floors, spotlights and minimalist furnishings. Her dad popped his head round the door as he dropped empty boxes in a spare room.
    "How'd you like it?" he asked, spreading his arms. Beth nodded.
    "It's great, way nicer than England," she smiled half heartedly. She grabbed her small suitcase of clothes and found her new room. It was smaller than the other rooms and square with a window that went along the whole of the back wall. Her bed was up against the window with slight rays of sunshine coming through. The mist had cleared and now the sun shone past the few clouds that were left. Her walls were currently white, but her dad had bought her pale blue paint to decorate and had bought her new white furniture. Clean colors, clean start. She sighed, emptied her clothes into her new wardrobe and pulled her posters out of her bag. She put them up with blu tack along the wall above her white desk. Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco and Spongebob stared down at her. Her bedspread was also blue and white and this was where she now lay. Her dad came in making her jump.
    "Glad to see you've made yourself at home," he smiled, motioning to her posters. "Just came in to tell you our new neighbours are coming over to introduce themselves tonight, so wanted to warn you, they have a son similar to your age. I think he's 7 months younger than you," He walked off to finish unpacking after he'd told her to expect them at "6.30pm".
    Beth looked at her clock on the bedside table. 5.00pm. She'd better get in the shower. Beth blow dried her hair and quickly did her make up. She changed into black skinnies and a blue t-shirt with a gray wolf's face on the front. The door went just as she'd put her blue Converse high tops on. She listened and could hear her dad greeting the new neighbours. She slid down the banister to save time and walked up to greet them herself. She smiled and waved.
    Beth's POV: I couldn't believe it. His eyes! I've never seen anyone with darker eyes.
    Frank's POV: Cute girl, she seems cool. Better than the last girl I met anyways. God she was insane. Hope this time it goes a bit better with this girl.
    Out of POV's: Beth's dad introduced her to the boy who turned out to be called Frank. His mum stood beside him and was called Linda. Her dad brought them into the lounge which had been transformed since she'd had her nap. The wooden floor shone and there were now three cream sofas in the shape of a U angle around the television. Two brown bean bags were next to a wicker basket full of DVD's and the glass coffee table was in between the sofas with a glass bowl full of pebbles. Beth was surprised at her dad's good taste. She watched the new boy, Frank, and his mum sit opposite her on the biggest sofa. Linda got talking with Beth's dad about the local area and Frank's school. Beth turned to Frank and attempted to make conversation with the boy she knew nothing about. He grinned at her and she smiled awkwardly back.
    "So, what do you do for fun around here?" Beth asked, smoothing her hair back. Frank flicked his fringe copying her.
    "Usually I skateboard; there's a local skate park. I go with my other friend Gerard and his brother. You should meet them. I also play guitar, and I've always got my dog Sweetpea for company," he replied.
    "Aww sweet, I can't get my dog till tomorrow till he's flown over," Beth said with a grimace remembering he was still in England.
    "Cute, we should let them make friends, what breed have you got?"
    "He's a black labrador, his name's Benji. I got him as a puppy for Christmas last year," Beth thought about the day when she came down to see her ex-boyfriend in the kitchen waiting for her with a tiny black puppy in his arms bought especially for her. Although Benji carried painful memories of her once happy relationship, he was the best friend she'd ever had and was grateful for him. "What breed have you got?" she asked.
    "Don't laugh, Sweetpea's a Chihuahua, I rescued her from the shelter," Beth grinned. Beth was stunned at herself for finding a boy she liked as much as her ex, but she was pretty sure Frank probably had a girlfriend. Beth's dad ushered them into the dining room where a massive table was in the centre and a large photo of her and her dad, taken professionally, was on the wall. She cringed at it now that company was seeing it. She would have to convince her dad to move it while she was here. She took place opposite Frank and next to her dad. They had what seemed like a quick meal, but in reality they hadn't finished until 10.00pm; they were enjoying socialising. Beth's dad and Frank's mum had moved into the lounge again and carried on talking.
    "I don't suppose you want to come up to my room?" Beth shrugged.
    "Yeah, sure. Better than being down here with these two anyways," Frank said with a half smile. He followed her up the stairs. She opened her door and was inwardly thanking herself for unpacking her clothes and tidying her room before he came.
    "Blue, nice colour. I always thought girls liked pink," he chuckled, looking around.
    "I can't stand pink. I always think the pale blue looks cleaner anyways," she replied.
    "You should see my room, you'd probably faint, I'm not the cleanest of boys,"
    "Is that an invitation?" she asked with a smile.
    "If you'd like, you can come over tomorrow," Beth nodded.
    "Sure, I'll unpack in the morning and could hang out with you in the afternoon,"
    "Yeah that'd be good. I sleep in late usually to be honest," They exchanged numbers and and agreed to meet up at some point tomorrow. Frank's mum called them down and thanked Beth's dad for dinner and left. Frank hugged Beth, told her he'd see her soon, thanked her dad also and followed his mum out the door.
    "Looks like you made a new friend, huh?" Beth's dad said with a raised eyebrow.
    "Dad it's not like that, I'm pretty sure he's got a girlfriend anyway, if you're thinking like that," Beth's dad looked unconvinced, but shut the front door and wished Beth "Good night,".
    She walked back up to her room. She noticed a black hoodie on her bed. It stood out against the blue and white of her room. She picked it up and turned it round, it had a white wolf's face on the front over the zip. She looked back down onto the bed. A note was underneath.
    "Thought your room could do with a splash of colour, enjoy the hoodie, hope it keeps you warm - Frank xo," His boyish scrawl made her grin like an idiot and she knew this was bad. She couldn't be falling for a new guy she met hours before, it was impossible.
    "When the hell did he do this?" she thought, frowning. She put it back down and put her pajamas on - a pair of black shorts with a white tank top. She brushed her teeth, pulled a brush through her hair and took her make up off. As she entered her room again from her ensuite bathroom she looked over at the hoodie again as she turned her light off. It was in a ray of moonlight. She picked it up again and pulled it on. She breathed in the smell of his deoderant and snuggled down hugging herself, feeling that Frank was holding her. For the first time in months she slept deeply.
    * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
    Please read and review, so I know if to carry on or not. Thanks for reading! Beth x
  3. kadoodle

    kadoodle crazy cat lady Staff Member

    Great start :)

    Just a couple of things:

    You'll need to put page numbers in your chapter index as you post the chapters. This is so your readers know which page each chapter is on.

    You also need to break up the blocks of text to make it easier for your readers. A huge wad of text is daunting and difficult to read. You need to space out the paragraphs a little (leave an empty line between paragraphs).

    Finally, when you proof-read, try reading aloud. This will help you tell if the text is "flowing" or if you need to change your punctuation or sentence structure.

    Good luck!

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