Memory_Faded

Midnight Symphony

Rating: 15+
I don't know/own My Chemical Romance; all of the other characters in this are my own creation. This fiction contains frequent bad language, violence, sexual references and drug references. This currently stands at 15+ Rating; I will warn you if this changes.

__________________

I'm Teresa : )

Memory_Faded

Chapter 1

I sat on the cold, wooden lunch bench staring at him. His hair was blowing in the soft wind, as I waited for him to speak. I was thankful I finally had some alone time with him.

“I need to say something, but I don’t want to upset you” Gerard murmured.

What was he going to say? I ran every possibility through my mind, trying to figure it out. Was he going to be away for Christmas, considering it was only a month away? Maybe something happened in his family, like that time in English when he touched the small of my back to whisper in my ear that his grandmother had died. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know what my boyfriend had to say; but then again, I thought nothing of it. He just looked at me, waiting for me to respond. I stared straight into his eyes, searching for an answer; then I saw how unfamiliar they looked. His eyes were bloodshot, causing the green colour to appear stronger than I had ever seen.

Then I clicked; my heart skipped a beat, “Oh my god” I breathed.

“Please…don’t say it” I squeezed my eyes shut.

I knew exactly what was happening; the reason behind his avoidance on the weekend. The reason he didn’t return my call, though I sat by the phone for two hours.

“Don’t say it” I said, my eyes stared to water. He just stared back at me, his eyes watering as well.

“No” I was trying to deny it, and he didn’t even need to say anything.

He placed his hand on the small of my back, and tried to push towards him so he could hug and comfort me. That disgusted me; as much as I wanted to fall in his arms, I didn’t. I pulled back shaking my head, as I heard him sigh.

He breathed, “I just don’t feel the same”

I refused to cry, as much as I eyes begged to. I wouldn’t give in. I thought of all the reasons why. I didn’t think I did anything wrong. He was too preoccupied conversing with every other girl in my class, and left me sitting along in science; he moved so one of his friends could listen to his MP3 player with him. I was a mess that day; I was under so much stress, I cried with any excuse I could find.

“Do you like someone else? If you do, just tell me” I began to question him.

“No. There isn’t anybody else” he replied.

“I just don’t understand” I gasped, catching my breath as I looked up to the sky, trying rid myself of my tears.

After a few minutes of him trying to explain all the reasons why, everything was still unclear. I wasn’t sure if it was because I literally couldn’t understand, or that I didn’t want to.

“We don’t see each other outside of school, because I’m always busy” he said shakily.

I tried to see him whenever I could. It wasn’t my fault my parents were divorced and I had to see my father every second weekend, it wasn’t my fault that he had a job, and always had something pathetic on; like a sporting game or something. I looked up at him, his eyes now as watery as mine.

“I’m sorry” he began to apologize.

I sighed and looked down at my feet, “Now I do feel used” I stated.

Why did I feel used? The man took advantage of me; convincing me to sleep with him while his parents weren’t home. Then to have him completely disregard my existence the next time he saw me, a week later. I had told him I felt used once before, but I apologized about that; claiming I didn’t really mean it. But now, I did.

“I thought you would say that” Gerard replied, sighing.

When I didn’t speak, he continued “I spoke to my mum about it on the weekend. I’ve felt like this for a while, and I wanted to do this now instead of later” he breathed, “I don’t want to lead you on, because I know what it feels like. I know it hurts know, but it would’ve hurt more if I waited”

He was right. He did know what it felt like to be led on; three months led on, to be exact. And it would’ve hurt more, but right now that was beyond the point. He was breaking up with me, and I couldn’t do a thing about it. After he continued talking, I looked up again; my eyes felt swollen. Then I glanced down at the empty bottle he had been fidgeting with the whole time; that’s when I noticed how much he was shaking. I had never seen anyone shake so much, I couldn’t believe it.
Then his voice distracted me as he spoke.

“You have no idea how hard it was to walk over to you before. I didn’t want to do this, but I had to” he said softly.

He made it sound as if he was forced to come over here, away from his friends and tell me it was over. I took discrete deep breaths, thinking of something which now stressed me.

“Great timing, Gerard” I muttered.

He looked at me with a questioning look, “What?”

“Exams are in three days” I stated. I hadn’t even started revising, how was I supposed to concentrate on them when I had to get over being dumped? I didn’t know. Why couldn’t he wait until after exams?

He sighed, “I know” he said with guilt.

I didn’t say anything. I tried to sympathize with the situation. At that point it was almost unbelievable to think I was the happiest I had been all year, just a week ago. I realized the bell that would end recess would go off any minute now. The best part; the rest of my classes today, I had with him. I was dreading the sound of the bell, because I knew I would have to walk away; and after I walked away, there was no changing what had just happened.

“I don’t want to walk away” I looked straight ahead of me, “Because when I do, that will be it” I said.

He said nothing. Probably feeling anxious for the bell to go, to feel relief that he had finally done it. I knew as soon as I walked away I would lose it. Any space would cause me to break down.
Then the bell went. I shuddered as I stood up; like a guilty gentleman, he walked me to the locker bay until I stormed off. When I entered the dark room I search for my best friend; who was one of the people to know about my relationship with Gerard, considering we had kept it quiet. The keys to my locker door rattled in my shaking hand, when I saw her she knew what happened.

“He broke up with you, didn’t he, Anita?” she asked, her expression concerned.

I lost it as soon as I heard her voice, and hugged her. When my other friends noticed, they came at me. Smothering me with worried questions; “What’s wrong, Anita?” “What happened, darling?” “Are you okay, sweetie?” it just kept going. After I retrieved my books from my locker, I walked to class wiping my face with the sleeve of my jumper. When I walked into English late, everyone looked at me. And the lucky last seat left just for me, was next no other than Gerard. I dropped my books on the desk, causing a loud bang which didn’t seem to bother anybody considering the noise level was high anyway. My teacher walked up to me and looked at me with concern.

“Do you want to sit outside?” he asked, clearly sensing the tension between Gerard and I.

I nodded once, walking out of class without another word. I was embarrassed; I had never walked into class with a patchy face from bawling my eyes out like I had. My friend had followed me; well, she was more of an acquaintance considering I really only spoke to her in the classroom.

“What happened, Anita?”

I told her what happened. And answered every question through occasional tears. But one question she asked, I couldn’t answer. It made me feel dirty and vulnerable.

“How far did you go with him?” She asked me, her eyes searched mine with worry.

I shook my head, “Not far”

I questioned whether or not she really believed me, I was a terrible liar. I didn’t want to regret sleeping with Gerard, but at that moment I did. I didn’t know how to cope with everything on my own now; I had lost so much while I was with Gerard – friendships, scholastic opportunities, and my dignity. I don’t have much left, if I had anything left at all. A few weeks away from the end of my second last year of school, and only a month away from Christmas, now. This was the worst day ever.

__________________

I'm Teresa : )

Alexxis

Awww.
Sad beginning, I feel so bad for her.
Being dumped by Gerard is just heart-breaking.

It's lovely, though.
Update when you can. <33

__________________

Miranda

Awww.
Sad start. But I loved it.
Update soon!

__________________

Stop The Bleeding.
Rescue Is Possible.
Love is the Movement.
To Write Love On Her Arms.

Memory_Faded

Thanks for reading, guys.
It will get better, I can guarantee that.
And I'll update as soon as I can.
That won't be too long.


<33

__________________

I'm Teresa : )

xbandxgeekx

that seriously made me cry. update soon!

__________________

Banner by the amazing Jo.


92% of teens have switched to rap music, if you are
part of the other 8% put this in your signature and rock on!

R.I.P. Katie Lynne Mills-1990-2004-You were the greatest friend I could ever ask for!!

cinthia

update soon?
sad begining as someone wrote....

*sights*

__________________

"...You are going to be so happy if you already purchased this. If you didn't, we're sure you're a happy person anyway...",

RachelS

This is good so far, but very sad.
I look forward to the next update!

Memory_Faded

Chapter 2

It seems so predictable, but the weather couldn’t have been more miserable when I sat in the heavily heated bus, on the way home. The sound of pouring rain drained out all the voices around me. The grey clouds churned above us, as the noise of thunder rolled through the sky. I sat alone, staring out the window through foggy glass. I used to catch the bus with my best friend, Kathryn; but she decided to take another route home a few months ago. If there was one thing I couldn’t stand, it was being alone at the worst of times. When I’m alone, I think too much.

When I walked through the front door and my mum greeted me, she smiled warmly. I, on the other hand, just stared back at her with a blank expression.

“How was your day?” she asked, standing a few meters away from me.

I sobbed, “Its over” I muttered, and say nothing else before walking down into my room.

My mum was the one who experienced my edgy mood all weekend; she was the one who heard my uneven voice every time I spoke, and she knew how to back off. She didn’t argue or question; she didn’t speak at all. I dropped my bag down and sat on the floor at the end of my bed. My face twisted into a strained expression, as I tried hard not to cry; not to make a sound. Then I heard the piercing noise of my ring tone. I groaned and leaned over to pick it up.

“Hello?” I mumbled. Clearly, not in the mood to talk; I wondered why I hadn’t turned it off. Maybe it was that little bit of hope inside that told me Gerard might ring back, telling me he was sorry and that what he did was a mistake. That would never happen.

“Anita, baby. Are you alright?” I heard the sympathetic tone in Lily’s voice.

“Lily” I choked, trying to say something. But she spoke first.

“I’m so sorry I can’t be there” she murmured. She was away on holiday for a month; we would talk to each other at least once a week. I had messaged her after school and told her it was over, she promised to ring me. Lily was the only person who I told everything too; I felt like I had become somebody completely different, somewhat isolated from all of my friends by hiding everything from them.

“I wish I could give you a big hug” she said, trying to cheer me up.

She spent a few minutes trying to make me laugh or smile, with words of understanding and sympathy. Lily had become the one person who I trusted more than anyone. After we finished the phone call I felt relieved to an extent, but as I dropped the phone in front of me I saw I had a message.

It was from Frank, “Hey, listen I just want you to know you can trust me, and you can tell me anything. There is no way I’ll judge you; if you want to talk, I’m here”

I rolled my eyes. Frank was one of the people Kathryn and I hung out with at school, along with his best mate Ray. I didn’t want his comfort, I hadn’t even told him about the relationship between Gerard and I.
I automatically presumed that Kathryn told them something, while I was being broken up with. Oh, wasn’t that a comforting thought. I didn’t want to reply to his message, so I simply ignored as if it was never sent.

The rest of the night, my goal was to distract myself from unwanted thoughts by revising. Well, I finished my cheat sheet for Maths and read over some Shakespeare work. But that wasn’t enough. I thought about Gerard anyway, wishing he would hold me in his arms like he had done just a week ago.
I had thrown my MP3 across the room when I tried listening to it; half of the music on there was from Gerard’s influence. From the crying and stressing I had done that day, I fell asleep at least three hours earlier than I usually would.

Just keep smiling; even if you are hiding behind it, I thought. Don’t let yesterday weaken you. I was mentally preparing myself for the day, I knew I was going to dread every second of it.
I refused to embarrass myself any more than what I already had, I was angrier at myself today rather than at Gerard; for putting on such a show for everyone to see.

“I’m going now. I’ll see you tonight” I said to my mum, before kissing her goodbye.

“How are you feeling today?” she asked, while watching a morning breakfast show in her dressing gown.

I forced a smile, “Better” I nodded once and continued walking.

“That’s my girl. Just keep smiling, sweetheart” I heard her say before I shut the front door behind me.

The bus trip to school was nothing unusual; the same driver, the same rude people that went to another school and the same morning weather. I still felt drained as I got off the bus and walked to school; honestly I hated the fact my parents couldn’t afford a car for me because they were divorced. Oh, how I loathed public transport.
When I walked through the school gates, I felt different. But nobody seemed to notice as I blended in with the crowd.

“Good morning” Kathryn said from behind me, smiling.

“Hi” I smiled back, before opening my locker. I felt her eyes watch me, until she finally walked over.

She leaned against the metal frame, “How are you, today?”

I shrugged, “What happened happened. I can’t change that can I?”

I knew deep down she didn’t really care; she never liked Gerard in the first place, she though he was stubborn and up himself. She was too busy thinking about her own boyfriend, and the “perfect” relationship she had with him.

When we were finally in the hallway, I noticed Frank and Ray walking towards us. I looked at Kathryn, who was smiling sweetly at the two of them; it was obvious that her and ray had something for each other. But neither of them would ever admit it.

“Hey, Anita” Frank smiled and hugged me. His hugs were always secure, and comforting. I could smell his deodorant on his school shirt; then I remember how Gerard smelt, nothing could smell any better than that. Kathryn claimed her boyfriend used the same deodorant, so she agreed with me on that.

“Did you get my text last night?” Frank asked, while stepping back to give me my personal space back.

I looked at him, “Uh. Yeah, sorry I didn’t reply; I was busy” I mumbled.

Yeah. Really busy, more like; I don’t want your sympathy, just leave me alone. I smiled anyway, before saying goodbye and walking to my first period class. I forced a smile when Gerard was around me in home group; I completely avoided eye contact with him. Because as much as I could say I felt better to everybody, only I knew how I really felt. I felt dejected. I was lying to everybody around me, without saying anything at all. I didn’t know how long I could keep this up.

__________________

I'm Teresa : )

Alexxis

Aww.
I want to cry for her! :[[
She shouldn't hide her feelings. That's not good at all.

Another great update. <33

__________________